Back to Business

Wow, what a great week in the world of cheeseburger consumption. Three burgers in a single week? That sort of thing hasn't happened since. . . well, since whenever it happened last. It's got to have been at some point, considering I've eaten 4 in a single day before.

Another positive note is that I got a burger cooked correctly. Possibly because Dad was the one in charge of cooking them. We don't take kindly to overcooked burgers. It is slightly ironic because I got the one that was cooked the best. Well, best by my standards. Kelly would probably not have appreciated the rare-ness of it because she's more of a fan of charcoal burgers, which I believe has been discussed previously.

There isn't really much of a story for this one. It's Thursday, I had dinner with Dad and Kelly, it was cheeseburgers, and there were chips and the jalapeño cheese dip. I feel like I've heard this one before. Maybe next time I will just copy-paste a previous post and see if anyone notices.

On the plus side, Evan and I got all the Star Coins in World 2, so the second level of World 9 is unlocked. That's kind of neat.

-Jon

A Poor Business Plan

After an extended burger break, I get 2 burgers in 2 days! When it rains, it pours, or whatever that silly expression is.

The original plan for today was to go out to lunch with Mom, Chuck and Chris somewhere in Northampton. Admittedly, that's not much of a plan, but that's how we roll here. Things got more detailed with the real plan becoming to go to lunch at Paradise City Tavern. And then I got super psyched because I was going to eat that giant burger with the pulled pork.

As we were on our way to meet them, I got a call that Paradise City was closed. I thought that 1:00pm was kind of a strange time to be closed if you want to sell food to people, but I guess not. The really strange part is that according to the website, the place should have been open. However, according to the fact that all the tables had the chairs on top of them, it seems like Paradise City is operating on a new business plan where you don't let customers eat.

I have a sinking feeling that maybe things are not going great for them.

We ended up going to Fitzwilly's instead, because it's pretty much across the street. I pretty much decided not to get the Jack and Meunster Burger, because that would have been super embarrassing to write a third post about it. I ended up choosing the Mushroom Cheddar Burger, because it sounded like a winning plan. And then I had it with the red onion, lettuce and tomato, because those seem like normal toppings for a burger. It was really big.

I still can't figure out why this place can't seem to cook a burger right. When it's not pink anymore, you have cooked it too long. So stop cooking it while it's still pink. Problem solved.

It's still pretty huge, right? I think I dislocated my jaw eating it.

-Jon

Time to Switch Things Up

After over a year of burger eating, it's time to make a minor alteration to the way we (well, I) do business here. Yup, that's right. It's time to throw some photos of these burgers into the mix. Also, it will make it easier to imagine the burgers themselves, as the imagination factor is no longer necessary. Finally, these things are huge. Like absurdly huge.

I should probably give credit where credit is due. The picture idea has been put into play at the suggestion of Kathryn's friends Gina and Kristin. So you can either thank them if you like the pictures, or blame them if you find them creepy.

The four of us went a place in Greenfield called Hope and Olive. Now, at first you would think that this place is a pub, because that is how pubs are often named: 2 random objects mixed together. However, the name actually comes from the fact that the restaurant is on the corner of Hope St. and Olive St. Ok, so no points for creativity.

On the other hand, they do get points for having Cabin Fever on tap. See the other blog for a more in depth opinion on that. Any place that has Cabin Fever has to be doing something right. I am not sure about this next part though. They had a guy going around and doing magic tricks for the customers waiting for a table. I guess I will leave the decision of whether or not that is a good thing up to you. It did impress Kristin though, so it would appear that it did the trick of taking our minds off the waiting.

So eventually we did get a table, although it was much later than our intended dinner time. Kathryn and I split possibly the weirdest appetizer I have ever experienced. It was honeydew melon with parmesan cheese over a slice of prosciutto. I guess they just randomly picked a fruit, a cheese and a meat and made it into an appetizer. It was actually pretty good, but I am not sure it was worth the price tag to get one weird fruit/cheese/meat thing each.

Ok, on to the important part. The Hope and Olive only has one burger, but don't let that deceive you. There are a huge number of options, so let's see how many I can remember. Lettuce, tomato, raw onion, sauteed onions, mushrooms, bacon, avocado, and various cheeses. I decided to go with sauteed onions, tomatoes (which were not slices, they were like tomato sections, which was neat), mushroom (which was a portobella, and ended up being like a hat for the burger instead of little mushrooms that always fall off), bacon and cheddar cheese. That combination ends up like this:

It was fantastic. Also, those french fries were good. If you ever figure out a reason to be in Greenfield, I would give it a try.

Possibly in the future, I will try to put something in the picture that will give you a sense of scale for these monstrosities. Give me a break though, as I am taking these photos with my phone.

-Jon

That's Better

Today I went bowling, got my tires rotated and watched curling! For me, that feels like a productive day, but I like to set my standards pretty low. Then after all that, dinner was a cheeseburger with the secret Dias Baked Beans. What a day!

After yesterday's lockout fiasco, there is not really anything that I could say about today that would be more hilarious. I would like to make the following points though:

-USA Curling is just awful. I wish I could like, trade everyone for players from other countries.

-CNBC's coverage of curling is also awful. This will be discussed on the other blog.

-How come my Dad, who is not a professional burger cooker, can cook me a medium rare burger without any problems but a restaurant can not?

I am now going to write a post about how much CNBC sucks and watch these American snowboarders fall down a lot.

-Jon

Second Verse, Same As the First

It would appear that even though I write down a detailed description and story about all of my cheeseburgers, it is still not enough to remember which ones I have tried when I revisit restaurants. Maybe I should start reading my own posts.

Nah.

Kathryn and I went to Fitz Willy's for a late lunch after her day of clinical instruction and my day of pug-filled shenanigans. More on that later. It pretty much doesn't matter what they do to my meal, as they have gorgonzola & garlic bread, which is probably the world's greatest appetizer. Also, I would have to guess that it has somewhere around 15,000 calories, so it is definitely a meal for bulimics. Additionally, I got a parking space at a meter with an hour and 10 minutes already on it! Score!!

I went for the Jack & Meunster Burger, and then sadly realized that I have already eaten it. So pretty much everything I said last time still applies, except that this time they overcooked it. Why is it so hard to get a medium-rare burger these days?

Now, I told you that story so I could tell you this one; it has less burgers, but more of me getting locked out of a house.

While Kathryn went to clinical, I went to Dunkin' Donuts, lay on the couch with pugs, read, and basically was a bum. The thing about pugs is that they tend to, like other dogs, need to be let out from time to time to do various digestive system related things. The thing about Kathryn's house is that I don't have a key to it, so when I go out to get a Vanilla Chai, bagel and coffee roll, I may forget to put the spare key back.

I suspect you can tell where this is going.

Sometime around noon, Chloe started whining, so she, Odin, Angelo and I went outside to take care of our respective businesses. No, I did not break any public urination laws. My business was making sure that pugs did not get hit by cars. Unfortunately, it would seem that I did not unlock the door, so when Giles jumped up at it all angrily since I didn't let him out, he actually pushed it shut and locked us out. For like 45 minutes. Now, pugs do not deal well with cold as it is, so the fact that Chloe romped through the yards of pretty much every house within 100 feet of Kathryn's meant that she was freezing. At the same time, Odin was jumping around like a mad-man, which meant that I couldn't even think. Also, Angelo just kept meowing at me. How is that helpful, Angelo!?

Finally I scooped up the pups and put them in a recycling bin, found a window whose latch looked different from the rest of the windows, and basically made a mess while breaking into the house. Go me! And yes, I let the pugs out of the recycling bin. I should have taken a picture though, because they looked so ridiculous.

I now owe Kathryn a new screen.

-Jon

A Brilliant Switch

After finding out that pretty much everyone I know thinks that Chili's has excellent food, and that there is now a Chili's just up the road basically, I figured I would peer pressure people into going to Chili's next time an opportunity presented itself. And after a long afternoon of enjoying some Coffeehouse Porter and #9 and watching the Olympics while listening to Nicky talk about Apolo Ohno and laughing at Odin relentlessly harassing Remy, this opportunity arrived.

Now, I have been to Chili's once before and thoroughly enjoyed their fajitas. However, I have been craving burgers lately, even though I just had one on Thursday. Thus, after about 10 minutes of looking at the menu and not really reading any of the foods, I decided to go with the Jalapeño Smokehouse Bacon Burger. However, I was not especially excited about the jalapeño-ranch sauce that was scheduled to come on said burger. The more I am exposed to it, the less I like ranch flavoring. I don't even eat those Doritos any more, and they used to be my favorite! Thus, I came up with a brilliant plan!

I asked the waitress to bring me the ancho-chile BBQ sauce from the Southern Smokehouse Bacon Burger instead. And, as Melissa will attest, that sauce was fantastic. It was delicious on the burger AND on the french fries. I am pretty pleased with the decision.

As for the burger itself, I have mixed reviews. Everything on the burger was really good, but they just did not manage to cook the burger appropriately. I have a very general expectation for a medium rare burger: it should be a little bit pink. This burger was not pink at all! Luckily, the bacon was about a quarter inch thick, and there were just enough jalapeños to make it a little spicy. I will give them another chance at some point in the future. But they better not overcook my burger again! I have very little patience for that nonsense.

-Jon

Not a Normal Thursday

Another Thursday, another dinner with Dad, Kelly and Evan. With a twist. Although we did have burgers (a Dias staple), we had them at Red Robin. That makes 2 weeks in a row that Thursday night dinner was out at a restaurant.

After a bunch of trips to Red Robin, I have eaten almost all the "real" burgers on the menu. Obviously that does not include the ones that are turkey or chicken or not real burgers. I still am afraid to give the Banzai Burger a try, because I am not sure that fruit belongs on my burger. I am also not sure if I have previously tried the Santa Fe Burger, but as of now that is moot.

Also, if someone can go back and find out if I have eaten that burger, I'll give you one of the the Raison d'Etre beers that are still crowding my fridge.

What a delightful burger! It had some kind of peppers, and some pepperjack cheese, and onions and some kind of sort of spicy sauce! Oh, and guacamole. I don't understand why I didn't eat guacamole before. I think maybe because it was green and has a funny name. Or because I wasn't really sure what an avocado was. Actually, I am still not sure what they are. Why do they have fake wooden testicles inside them?

The strange thing was, we ordered onion rings as an appetizer, but definitely did not receive any onion rings. Although in the end, that is probably a good thing, because I may have exploded afterwards. That would have been messy, and you would have missed out on a new post. That would have been very disappointing for you.

-Jon

Getting Lost is Funny

Let this be a lesson for the future. If you are going to try a new place, you may want to either check the directions before you leave, or let the people in your car know where you are going ahead of time. Otherwise, you may end up driving 4 or 5 miles past the restaurant and having to stop behind a bank to pee. Check with Steve for more details.

We did eventually make it to Buffalo Wild Wings, and thought we were in for a long wait when we saw about 20 people standing out front. Turns out they were all together, so there was no problem. The next problem was that the guy told us there would be a wait, even though as we walked in to the bar area we saw at least 7 completely open tables. Turns out the wait was about 2 minutes. We hadn't even gotten our beers before the little buzzer went off telling us we could be seated. Why even bother with the buzzer? We stayed at the bar instead.

Now for the real dilemma. We were at a place that had "wings" in the title, but I have made a promise to eat more new burgers. What to do? I ate a burger with a ridiculous name, strictly because of said name. I hadn't even read the description, which made it even more awesome when the burger arrived and had pulled pork on it. Two animals had to die for me to eat last night. Take that, vegetarians!

The burger itself was the Big Jack Daddy Burger. Besides the pulled pork, it also had onion rings on it with some kind of sweet BBQ sauce. Maybe honey BBQ? I could probably just look it up, but meh. Throw some lettuce and tomatoes on there, and you've got a burger that pretty much stacks up to the Paradise City burger with pulled pork. Why do these places have to be so far away?

Also, their fries were good. Mmmm.

I also tried another new beer (which is another resolution I have made): BBC Cabin Fever. Apparently it's some kind of seasonal beer, because I had never heard of it before. Luckily, it's a good one. It tastes pretty similar to some other kind of beer that I can't quite put my finger on. I will have to consider this in the future.

-Jon

I Think That's All of Them

Unless there is a secret menu page with more choices, I have now eaten all of the non-standard burgers at Paradise City. This is not that impressive when you look at the menu and see that there are only 3 other burgers. But it is still a minor accomplishment since there are many places where trying all the burgers is impossible. For example, Ruby Tuesday changes their menu every week. And R.F. O'Sullivan has a bunch of weird burgers for weirdos, so clearly I won't be eating them.

The last burger on the list was the Wild Blu Burger, which comes with blue cheese and mushrooms and a lack of spelling fundamentals. It also had some tomato, lettuce and red onion for added deliciousness (onion and tomato) and green coloring (lettuce). The burger was huge, and also delicious. However, it was not nearly as big as their giant burger with pulled pork on it.

It's very strange. I think that I avoided mushrooms for the majority of my young life at my own loss. It is also very sad. At least now I am making up for it.

Kathryn also got a burger, so it seems I am having a positive influence on her. Now if I can just get her to finish her fries and stop using mayonnaise. . .

-Jon

A Momentous Occasion

More burgers already! This year is off to a good start.

The occasion mentioned in the title would be that I helped fry the sweet potato fries in super hot oil without burning myself at all. For most people, that would not be a major accomplishment. For me, it is great because it's probably the first time it's ever happened.

We went with bacon cheeseburgers with sauteed mushrooms and onions. This is fast becoming the standard of the Mom & Chuck burger cooking experience. Although in the future, we should probably make sure that there is plenty of propane first and start the mushroom and onions second, because we almost had a dinner of bacon topped with onions and mushrooms. Maybe winter grilling is not the way to go. Haha, just kidding. What a ridiculously outrageous idea.

I should probably have made a resolution to eat more burgers from more places, since I seem to have fallen off in the new burger department as of late. I will do what I can to remedy this. Maybe I'll even try something new next time I get to hit R.F. O'Sullivan. That would be a big step.

-Jon

A Shameless Plug

The new blog is now live. Head over to Mmmm, opinions to listen to my brothers and I ramble on about all sorts of ridiculous things. And I mean everything: people, games, movies, beers, abstract concepts. . . this blog's got it all.

-Jon

Hello 2010

After a whole year of burger-eating, I should probably reflect on all the burgers I've had and announce the current champion. But I won't, because I am lazy and I don't want any of the burgers to feel bad. Unless I already said they sucked, in which case screw 'em.

As previously mentioned, there is not really any grilling season in the family. This means that any Thursday could end up being a surprise burger day, which is exactly what happened today. Double-cheese burger with a side of baked beans. Don't be confused. It was a double-cheese burger because I got one of the ones with 2 slices of cheese. Also, the beans were great. Secret family recipe containing hobo spices. Or is that just a lie to throw you off the scent?

I would like to go eat that pulled-pork monster burger at Paradise City again. That isn't really related to anything though.

-Jon

More Carside To Go

This is a sequel post to 2 other posts. See if you can figure out which ones. First correct answer wins nothing.

I went up to the Great North a little early to hang out with the animals and see how many different allergy pills I could take in a single day without having some sort of synergistic effect that knocked me unconscious (the current record is 3: CVS Generic, Claritin and Zyrtec). I was also tasked with the picking of the dinner. Since I don't really know any of the places around there, and I didn't want to put much effort into it, I went with Applebee's because I thought it would be easiest for Kathryn to pick up on the way home, as she has to pass it.

Even though my version of the menu was given to me within 2 hours of placing my order, I somehow did not have an up-to-date copy. This resulted in my original order not actually being on the "real" menu and also in me feeling incredibly foolish for not having a backup plan. I just went with an easy standby. A cheeseburger! The Fire Pit Bacon Burger to be more specific. And it was good, even as takeout. I was pretty surprised. I think that place may have to be visited more frequently. Especially if they actually make the Fire Pit a little spicier.

After the burger I enjoyed a nice Winter Warmer and then fell asleep covered in pug and cats while watching the Celtics stage an impressive comeback over the Pacers. That is a good night.

-Jon

This is Becoming a Habit

Ok, so apparently I was not done with my Christmas shopping after all. Maybe next time I should check my list a little more closely. Maybe even check it twice! Wow, that was bad.

Back to the mall to finish up a couple last minute things. Of course, I am not able to divulge the gifts in case anyone actually reads this thing, but suffice it to say that as long as Mom's gift arrives in the next 2 days, I am all set. Also, it turns out that ordering something on December 11th still might not be early enough for it to arrive by Christmas. Hopefully next year I will come back and read this and do all my online shopping on Thanksgiving. Good thing I'm writing it down.

Since I am pretty much opposed to all other fast food, going to the mall offers me the chance to eat at the one passable restaurant: Wendy's. I ordered exactly the same thing as last time, but this time I actually made an effort to remember the name of the meal. Which I then forgot. I am an embarrassment to burger-blog-writers everywhere.

I am pleased that while the burger was literally exactly the same as last time, the fries were slightly less salty. Still far too salty, but at least semi-enjoyable. No Frosty this time though. Maybe that's a sign that I am growing up.

In other news, watch the posts for a new link. Tired of reading about burgers? Looking for under-researched and over-opinionated writing with far too many dependent clauses and an excessive use of parentheses? Want me to stop asking rhetorical questions? Stay tuned. . .

-Jon

One of Them Was Slightly Better

Days where 2 of the meals are cheeseburgers are generally good days. Today was no exception to this rule.

The first burger was Wendy's for lunch after a hard day of Christmas shopping. It actually was quite hard because of back pain from shoveling the day before. Kathryn and I utilized many a Holyoke Mall bench for frequent breaks, which I have to assume added about half an hour to our trip. Also, what is the deal with the Borders at that mall? It's nearly impossible to find what you are looking for if you are looking for a specific book.

I went with the. . . I don't know, whatever they replaced the Big Bacon Classic with. It's the exact same thing. And still delicious. And the Frosty (not Joe, the milkshake thing) is always a nice replacement for a soda. Too bad they went a little overboard with the salt on my French fries. I still ate them all though, because I am a champion.

Later, dinner ended up being cheeseburgers again! This time they were grilled in foolish sub-freezing temperatures over at Dad and Kelly's. Two of us had burgers, and two of us had charcoal briquets. Apparently these silly ladies think that well done is an appropriate way to cook a piece of meat. I shed a tear.

In an unrelated side (dish) note, we had tortellini salad along with the burgers. I would estimate that I ate about a pound. That is good stuff.

-Jon