How Did That Take So Long?

Paradise City Tavern in Northampton has a special every weekday from 4:00 - 5:30 where you can get a beer, a burger and fries for $6.95. Yet somehow I had never taken advantage of this, probably because that's kind of early for dinner. But it's not too early if you skip lunch! Thus, this terrible burger injustice has been righted.

The only downside is that the beer choices are Narragansett, Boston Lager and Hibernation Ale. Actually the second two choices are good, but Narragansett is terrible. It's even terrible as a Trivia Night beer, and at Trivia Night my standards are pretty low. Ignoring that sad fact, it turns out that the Hibernation Ale is pretty terrific. It's also only a winter beer, so hopefully they will have something equally delicious for a spring choice.

For the burger deal, the only option is the standard burger, which comes with lettuce, tomato and onion. Cheese is an extra dollar, which is ridiculous because you can get like 30 slices of cheese for $5 at the deli. Talk about a ridiculous markup. I went with gouda since a burger without cheese is a travesty. It looks pretty good.

For some reason, they decided that the burger needed a charred outer coating, which is a simply ridiculous notion. Who would want a charred burger. More impressive is the fact that they charred the outside without making the inside into a disaster. It's like a tale of two burgers. The outside was a gross mess, but the inside was nice and tasty. I am torn by this state of affairs. I guess I would say that overall, the burger was ok.

Also, the gouda was delicious. Don't sleep on the gouda.

-Jon

Friday, We Hardly Knew Ye

Editor's note - I am way more intoxicated than I thought I was, so apologies in advance for when this doesn't make sense, slash is unreadable.

Today was a very full day. I left the house around 7:45, and, except for the 10 minutes I took to change from referee attire to public appearance attire, didn't return until 2:15am the night/morning after. It was almost like the entire day zipped by like a. . . zipper? Wait, that doesn't make any sense. Anyways, if this were a Facebook status update, it would read something like:

Woke up, taught math for a while, participated semi-appropriately in PD, officiated volleyball, then off to dinner at Paradise City and the Gaelic Storm concert followed by a few cocktails at the Lighthouse and blackout central.

Except that if it were me making the post, I would have made it more ridiculous and in-depth by indicating all the minutiae like going to the bathroom, sneezing, driving, etc.

I swear that when I started typing this, I had a point . . .

Oh right. I had a burger tonight!

Since Kathryn and I were going to a concert at the Calvin, it only made sense that we would eat dinner somewhere in Northampton. And after being foiled many times in my attempt to eat that burger with pulled pork, we went to Paradise City in order to fulfill my meat-based desires.

Ok, that sounds awkward.

I arrived first, so I snagged a table and ordered some random beers. I chose the Green Flash Hop Head Red Ale*, and got Kathryn something with watermelon. She liked hers, but it actually sucked, while mine was super hoppy and not too shabby. But more importantly, I got a burger with at least 2 animals on it. Take a look! That thing is gigantic!

Seriously, a burger nearly the size of a pint glass? That is wild. I think I may have discussed this burger in the past, so I won't dwell on the details, but I will touch on the major points. Those fries to the right of my burger? They sucked somethin' fierce. But Kathryn's fries (not visible in the picture, as they are behind my burger) were delicious. I apparently got the end of one batch while she got the firsts of the next. What the hell!? Does Kathryn write a blog solely dedicated to burgers?? No, she does not! Impress me, jerkoffs!!

Luckily for them, the burger was delicious. Even though the went a little too far with the cooking and hit the medium cooking range, it was still pretty juicy and did not resemble a piece of charcoal. And did you see the incredibly terrible picture Kathryn put on Facebook? I am clearly enjoying myself in my burger consumption. And there were two different onion options, including the highly coveted red onion! Can't really go wrong there.

In the long run, I will probably be stealing this burger idea for Burger Bros. Possibly coming soon to the Lighthouse! But even more possibly not coming soon.

Long story short: the burger was delicious, the fries sucked, Gaelic Storm put on a great show and Jager defeated me tonight in a close battle. Enjoy the weekend!

-Jon

* - This should be a link at some point. Please call/text/Facebook me and give me a hard time if it's not a link by Sunday, April 18th, because it means I have forgotten and need a swift kick in the pants to get me back on track.

A Poor Business Plan

After an extended burger break, I get 2 burgers in 2 days! When it rains, it pours, or whatever that silly expression is.

The original plan for today was to go out to lunch with Mom, Chuck and Chris somewhere in Northampton. Admittedly, that's not much of a plan, but that's how we roll here. Things got more detailed with the real plan becoming to go to lunch at Paradise City Tavern. And then I got super psyched because I was going to eat that giant burger with the pulled pork.

As we were on our way to meet them, I got a call that Paradise City was closed. I thought that 1:00pm was kind of a strange time to be closed if you want to sell food to people, but I guess not. The really strange part is that according to the website, the place should have been open. However, according to the fact that all the tables had the chairs on top of them, it seems like Paradise City is operating on a new business plan where you don't let customers eat.

I have a sinking feeling that maybe things are not going great for them.

We ended up going to Fitzwilly's instead, because it's pretty much across the street. I pretty much decided not to get the Jack and Meunster Burger, because that would have been super embarrassing to write a third post about it. I ended up choosing the Mushroom Cheddar Burger, because it sounded like a winning plan. And then I had it with the red onion, lettuce and tomato, because those seem like normal toppings for a burger. It was really big.

I still can't figure out why this place can't seem to cook a burger right. When it's not pink anymore, you have cooked it too long. So stop cooking it while it's still pink. Problem solved.

It's still pretty huge, right? I think I dislocated my jaw eating it.

-Jon

I Think That's All of Them

Unless there is a secret menu page with more choices, I have now eaten all of the non-standard burgers at Paradise City. This is not that impressive when you look at the menu and see that there are only 3 other burgers. But it is still a minor accomplishment since there are many places where trying all the burgers is impossible. For example, Ruby Tuesday changes their menu every week. And R.F. O'Sullivan has a bunch of weird burgers for weirdos, so clearly I won't be eating them.

The last burger on the list was the Wild Blu Burger, which comes with blue cheese and mushrooms and a lack of spelling fundamentals. It also had some tomato, lettuce and red onion for added deliciousness (onion and tomato) and green coloring (lettuce). The burger was huge, and also delicious. However, it was not nearly as big as their giant burger with pulled pork on it.

It's very strange. I think that I avoided mushrooms for the majority of my young life at my own loss. It is also very sad. At least now I am making up for it.

Kathryn also got a burger, so it seems I am having a positive influence on her. Now if I can just get her to finish her fries and stop using mayonnaise. . .

-Jon

Another Trip to Northampton

This is starting to become a habit here; another week, another trip to Northampton. Of course, the original plan was to go to some music thing at the Summit House in South Hadley, so the fact that we ended up eating dinner in Northampton means that things clearly went wrong. We also ended up missing a chance at a new trivia night, but oh well. At least we got ice cream!

I guess Fitzwilly's has been around for a ridiculously long time (at least according my Mom and Chuck), but it was my first trip there. It was also long overdue, because they had a great menu with like 50 different things. Not that it really mattered, since the only thing I planned on ordering was a cheeseburger. I went for the Jack and Muenster Burger. The sauce was some kind of Jack Daniel's sauce, and it was fantastic. Also, it turns out that muenster is a highly underrated cheese. Throw some tomato and a slice of red onion on there and you've got a winning burger.

They've also got pretty good french fries. And mashed potatoes. Which I stole from Chuck after they accidently gave him fries instead of his mashed potatoes and then when they brought them later he was no longer interested. That was kind of a long story without much of a point. I guess in the end I would go back there since they had so many other things to try, but I am still pro-Paradise City as far as burgers in Northampton are concerned.

Now it feels like time for a nap. We'll see how that goes.

Maybe it was foreshadowing?

Well, that took a lot less time than I expected. I think it was probably Monday that I mentioned Paradise City Tavern as being a better choice than Local Burger and then today I ended up eating a delicious burger there. (I could easily check this, but that seems like a lot of work, and if it wasn't Monday I will just go back and edit this post anyway so no one will be the wiser. Unless someone screen shots this, but that is wicked nerdy. Wow, I am way off track.)

This time I tried the BBQ Burger, because I was supposed to eat it last time but then I got sidetracked by something with bacon on it. There's probably a post about it back in February somewhere. Today's burger was crazy. Besides the burger itself, there was some pulled-pork, some onion rings, a slice of gouda cheese (highly underrated as a cheese), and the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. Red onion actually. Nice work, Paradise City. Also, by my estimate (backed up by Kathryn), the entire thing was between 3 and 4 inches tall. I felt like one of those snakes (boa constrictor maybe?) trying to unhinge my jaw to make it fit.

What a great burger. I will hopefully be eating another one soon. That pulled pork really got the job done. They also had good fries (again), which really gives them the edge over any other nearby burger joints. Local Burger, I'm looking at you! Also at the Dirty Truth, but just because Paradise City is so clearly superior. At this rate, I will have eaten at all the Northampton burger places by the end of the year.

-Jon

It's the cheese that does it. . .

It's pretty much a guarantee that a burger from a chain place will be pretty good, but not as good as one from a small place. With that in mind, we headed out to Paradise City Tavern in Northampton in a quest for burgers. And beer. I mean, come on, it's got tavern right in the title!

Those were some quality burgers. I went for the Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger since I have a strong tendency to prefer burgers with bacon. And that was a good choice. There was some kind of super thick bacon (possibly Applewood smoked bacon if that's a brand name?) which you really can't go wrong with. Plus it had lettuce, tomato and red onion (vastly superior to boring old white onions) so I could pretend it was healthy. However, the best idea was using cheddar cheese, which is highly underrated in the cheese department due to the monopoly that American cheese has in people's minds. The fries were also pretty good, even though we seemed to get the dregs and I had to eat them with a fork, like a Frenchman*.

Melissa and Nicole also opted for the Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger even though they both compromised it with what I can only assume is female silliness. Perhaps Melissa can be forgiven for taking the tomatoes off, but there is no excuse for switching to a whole wheat bun. The original bun was their signature bun! It even said so on the menu!! How can you argue with that? Nicole, on the other hand, got a turkey burger instead. Really? A turkey burger? Did I pull a Rip Van Winkle and sleep until Thanksgiving? I expect better things of her in the future.

In other news, Rogue Hazelnut Brown Ale and Troeggs Nugget Nectar are both beers I would try again. Especially the Rogue, since I seem to have a strange affinity for brown ales.

-Jon

*I actually have no idea how French people eat fries. I just thought it sounded funny.