I'm Very Sorry

I have been very bad at keeping this updated, but luckily I've only had 3 burgers since the last post. Since Chris actually has been keeping the hits rolling in on this site, I feel obligated to make a new attempt at telling my delicious burger stories. Here are the 3 I missed, although some of the details may be lacking.

First up is a delicious burger from the day after the giant snowstorm when most of the power was out. Along with the phones, which was even more annoying. Since Bill had no power, and had no way to contact me, he drove up here optimistically thinking that he might be able to watch football up here. Unfortunately, that was not the case, but we were able to finally find a place that had food available. This was very convenient, since my power had been out since 2am, and that meant that everything perishable in the refrigerator had perished.

Brick Wall Burger was serving a limited menu (burgers, fries, cole slaw), but that was just fine with us. I can't remember exactly what I went with, but it clearly contained pepperjack cheese, tomato and red onion. So I guess I do remember it, just not the sauce I chose. These burgers are no joke.

That's Bill's red sweatshirt in the background. You may be wondering why there is only one burger on the table. Funny story... true story... Bill ordered the same burger as I did, but since all the ordering and receipts were being done by hand, there was a mixup between the girl who took our orders and the guy who cooked the food, resulting in only one burger showing up at first. That was quickly rectified, and we both got to enjoy a delicious meal. Sadly, I forgot to order the right kind of cole slaw, so mine just sat there being gross instead of getting eaten.

A couple of weeks later, Bill was working in Adams or North Adams (who cares, it's Berkshire County), so he came over here when he was done with his cheese shenanigans and requested another trip to BWB. Since Kate and I aren't too picky about where we go, that was just fine with us.

This time I remembered to get the spicy slaw, which has some kind of spicy dressing on it instead of mayonnaise, which is gross. I believe that has been addressed before. I also mixed things up by going with BBQ sauce and bacon along with a changeup in the cheese department (it appears to be American cheese).

I didn't get any fries this time, since Kate was getting fries and she never finishes hers. I'd rather steal fries than let them go to waste. Both of these burgers were quite tasty, although the second one was cooked a little bit more than it needed to be. It also didn't get the benefit of the doubt by being potentially the only thing I was going to be eating that day.

We'll wrap things up by heading around the corner to The People's Pint. I don't mean that in a literal sense though, because it would have been weird to leave one restaurant after a filling meal and sit down for another. This happened about 3 weeks after the last story.

Kate and I went out for a dinner because we had been a bit lax in our grocery shopping and both of us were feeling a little lazy. We both ended up choosing The Squealer for our meal, which is a burger made with ground beef and ground bacon. The picture kind of sucks because the People's Pint is super dark and my phone's camera is from a world where making a camera without a flash is acceptable. Stupid Apple...

I was expecting this burger to be more delicious because of the bacon, but I couldn't really taste the bacony goodness. They also don't put tomato on their burgers, which makes me sad. Get some damn tomatoes!! Who's running this restaurant, Melissa? Ridiculous. Also it was overcooked, which reduced its juiciness. Never dry out a burger. Don't do it. On a completely different note, I tried a new beer during this meal, and I believe you can see the snifter in the top left of the photo.

Hopefully this will mark a return to the days of more timely burger posts. I will have to make a better effort to write the posts closer to the actual burger eating. We'll see what we can for for 2012.

-Jon

Two Down, 48 To Go

This weekend was the Vermont Brewers Festival, which was like the Brattleboro Brewers Festival on steroids. More tents, more beers, more people, more sessions, more everything! You can read about it here.

The most important thing about the Brewers Festival is that it is held in Burlington, which just happens to be the home of Vermont's best cheeseburger! It's called the Scibek Sizzler, but it may also be called the Scibec Sizzler. More on that later.

Vermont's best burger can be found at a place called The Shopping Bag. Much like its name would suggest, this place is a convenience store. As soon as we walked inside, I thought we had made a mistake. This place does not look like a burger place at all. I also thought that I was about to get beaten severely by the people I was with, because I had just made them walk a mile (half of it uphill) to get to this place. Seriously, take a look.

This does not look like the place that you're going to find the best cheeseburger in the state. Or really even find a cheeseburger period. Luckily, we saw this sign. It made me think we might be in the right place. You can also see the name difficulties that I'm having. Food Network uses the "k" and the sign uses the "c." What the hell!?

Either way, we ordered some up. James and I got the real deal minus the mayo because mayo is gross and no matter what Kathryn says, it still counts as the best burger without mayo. If Kathryn keeps up her mayo attitude, she's going to find herself sleeping in a dumpster. Kathryn got the mini-Sizzler, which is actually the size of a normal cheeseburger. Dianna and other Jon split a normal Sizzler, meaning that James and I are the burger champs. Check these things out! And yes, I asked Big Al if I could document the burger process before I started randomly taking pictures in the store.

We've got freshly ground beef, some Montreal steak seasoning, 2 kinds of cheeses (looked like American and Provolone from my perspective), bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard. As I just said, mayo was also an option, but if you're going to be putting mayo on your burgers, we're not going to be talking. Seriously, go away. The final product was enormous. I don't think the next picture does justice to the sheer size of this burger.

What you really need is a picture of me trying to eat it. Then you can see just how large it is. I look like a boa constrictor.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I dislocated my jaw eating this burger. And it was fantastic. I don't have a lot of burger experience in Vermont, but this seems like a reasonable choice for the state's best. And it costs $5.39. You can't beat that. Next time you're in Burlington, head over to North St. (not North Ave, as apparently the people who named the streets in Ludlow also had a hand in street naming up in Vermont) and get yourself one of these beasts.

-Jon

Happy Father's Day. . . Again

It turns out that I named last year's post the same thing, so I had to fake a little creativity. Plan on this being a recurring trend if I happen to eat burgers on holidays every year. Maybe I could get a Thanksgiving burger. . .

I could pretty much just repeat the exact same post and have most of it be true. But I wouldn't do that because that is just some lazy writing. I have a reputation to uphold. Instead, I'll add some extra stories in which I embarrass myself!

Ok, the burgers were the same ones as last year. Well, not literally because the meat would have gone bad long before today, but they were the same Big Y patties. This year I believe Dad did the grilling, but they were still nicely cooked and there was still tomato (exciting) and lettuce (not so exciting). This year also featured cantaloupe and a wide variety of mayonnaise-based salads such as macaroni salad, potato salad, and a salad I couldn't be bothered to identify since there was no chance I was eating any of them as mayonnaise is gross. They were good burgers and I was actually successful in eating both of the ones I attempted. This sort of makes up for yesterday's embarrassment. There was also Summer Ale, so I knocked a few of those back as a matter of course. Unfortunately (or possibly fortunately for my liver), I am 89 behind last year's pace. Still easily going to reach a ridiculously high total though, so don't worry yourself about that.

On to the funny stories!!

So yesterday I lost my cheese privileges after slicing my finger open cutting some cheddar for a pre-burger snack. It was still oozing a little this morning, which can't be good. And yes, I realize the irony of writing about food and then immediately following it up with blood. The good news is that Kathryn finished up the cutting and the cheese was delicious, so the only downside was the amount of Band-Aids I'm currently going through.

You ever play FIFA video games? I haven't since 2002, and I now suck at them. Terribly. It's just sad. I can tell you, however, the number of red cards you can get before you forfeit the game. Four is ok, but the fifth one crosses the line. Also, apparently you are not allowed to slide tackle people from behind when they don't have the ball. Sissies.

We also played some basketball in the driveway. Well, my brothers played and I wandered around the court occasionally grabbing a rebound or poking the ball away for a steal. And any time I was on offense, you better believe I was shooting the ball every time I got it. I was like George "Chucker" Costanza. And every single shot, I yelled out "Hand down, man down" like Mark Jackson when he announces the NBA games. It turns out that yelling things is not an effective way to get the ball into the hoop. I learned a lot today.

-Jon

A Close Call

I have now introduced my family to the joys of red onions (which are terribly named, because they always seem to be a purple color). I still haven't quite mastered the timing of how long to put them on the grill, but I think I'll have it next time. I will also need a new set of teeth that actually close together so that I can bite through them, but that is a different story.

After slicing up the onions and throwing a little Italian dressing on them for zest, they went on the grill and the clouds started rolling in. Apparently cutting onions also makes God cry. Or Jesus. Whichever one of Them is in charge of the weather. It was obviously going to be a tight race, and it ended up that just as the burgers were coming off the grill, the sky opened up and drenched everything. Sadly, this meant that the buns did not get toasted.

Also, like a grownup, I tried bacon & ranch pasta salad (which was gross) and baked beans (which were surprisingly ok). I am not sure where the mayo is implied in that pasta salad title, but it was in there. Disgusting.

-Jon