Seriously?

Since we couldn't go to the restaurant we planned on going to for dinner because apparently having 7 tables isn't enough on a Friday night, Kathryn and I went to Hope and Olive instead, already knowing that they have good food. And also knowing that they have a good selection of beers on tap, which meant that I could try something new. There was plenty of time to savor a new beer too, because this place was also packed. However, they have a more normal number of tables, so the wait was only 30 minutes instead of an hour and 45 minutes.

I had intended on eating something different, but eventually I ended up going with the burger because it's been a while since I've had one. Tonight I chose cheddar cheese, tomato, onion and avocado as my toppings. That doesn't seem like an especially complicated burger, so at no point in time did I expect them to screw it up.

Boy, was I wrong.

They forgot the cheese. They. Forgot. The. Cheese! That's literally the most important part of a cheeseburger!! I've eaten burgers that were burger, cheese, bun and that's it, and they've been enjoyable. The cheese is key. Do you see any cheese here?

No. No cheese. Also, and this is a distant second in things to complain about, the burger was cooked right but somehow still really dry. I am not sure how a burger can be medium rare and also be dry, but they pulled it off. That's not nearly as disappointing as the missing cheese thing though.

On the plus side, the fries at this place are fantastic, and you get approximately 14 lbs of them. Avocado is also a delicious addition to a burger. I thought I had said that before, but it wasn't a tag yet so I can't go back and figure out whether or not it's the case. Well, it's not so much "can't" as "won't," but I'm not going to split hairs here. Oh, and they have good pickles. Sadly, they only give you 3 little slices instead of the number I want, which is like 25.

I won't write Hope and Olive off completely, since I have had a fantastic burger there before. I am going to put them on notice though. Another incident like tonight, and they are off the dinner rotation. That's a pretty serious threat coming from a guy without a full-time job, let me tell you.

-Jon

In Which I Mix Things Up

Since we didn't do the requisite R.F. O'Sullivan trip on Saturday, our Sunday lunch plans were pretty much set in stone. We couldn't let Erica's friends leave town without having arguably the best burgers in the state. That would just be terrible. The only question was when were we going to go over there. It turns out that 2:00 is a good time if you actually want a seat. I should mark this down for the future.

Since everyone is probably expecting that I will be talking about the Blackjack burger here, the next sentence may come as a bit of a surprise. I ordered the JD Burger instead! I don't want this thing to become too predictable, so I had to mix it up a little. And it was a good choice.

The JD Burger is a very close second to the Blackjack Burger in terms of Massachusetts Burger Greatness. If you don't like spicy stuff and can't handle the pure awesomeness of the Blackjack, you could probably order this burger and walk away fully satisfied. It's got some kick-ass BBQ sauce and cheese along with some standard burger toppings if you want them. Apparently you have to be very specific, because I ordered mine with tomato and onion, but I got this instead.

Call me crazy, but I am almost positive that tomato is not leafy and green. At least I got a bajillion onions, so I wasn't shortchanged there. And the burger was cooked perfectly. Check out all that sweet, sweet burger juice on the plate. That's what you're looking for in a burger. And that sauce was just great. I am surprised that I didn't know how awesome burgers with BBQ sauce were until recently. I guess you really do learn something new everyday.

-Jon

Now We're Getting Somewhere

I have heard rumours that today was the summer solstice, which I think makes it fitting that dinner tonight was burgers. Everyone associates burgers with summer. Well, a lot of people do. I obviously associate burgers with all the time. The only bad time for a cheeseburger is right after you've eaten cheeseburgers, because you don't want to ruin your enjoyment of the next burger by being full.

We had some Randall's Summer Sliders, although again, I am fairly certain you could eat them at any point in the year and still have a nice meal. Stop trying to pigeonhole my burgers!! I decided to keep it low-key and only had 3. A burger, some good American cheese, a couple slices of tomato and some sauteed onions makes a nice meal. We also had some baked beans which were leftover from some dinner Mom helped out at. It was probably volunteer work, but it would seem that they decided to pay her in beans because her fridge has somewhere around 20-25 servings of beans at this point. It was pretty crazy.

The burgers were nicely cooked and quite delicious. The beans were so-so, and I attribute that to the fact that they have probably been reheated multiple times now. Eventually that has to take a toll on the flavor and quality. These are some good lessons for Future Jon to learn.

Another good lesson is that if you are going to chop up onions and also slice watermelon, it's a good idea to either do the watermelon first or use a different cutting board. Otherwise you end up with what I did today and get an onion-flavored slice of watermelon. A watermelonion if you will. And those are not two great tastes that taste great together.

Actually, I guess that a watermelonion would be an onion that tasted like watermelon. Perhaps I will have to come up with a better name. That's a lot of creativity for one day though. . .

-Jon

Let's Try Something New

It's actually not really that new, but it's the first time that I've tried it here. Frank's Red Hot Burgers!! It's time to kick things up a little.

We decided to have a little cookout here, so the menu was going to be burgers, hot dogs, baked beans and fries. But not just boring, pre-formed burgers. That would be disgraceful to all the people eating AND the people reading. We got some quality 80/20 meat and made burgers out of that. I also seasoned them with a little salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder. Hey, if you're going to do burgers, you might as well do them right. Then I formed some lovely burgers and put the little divots in the top to make sure they cook right.

Now for the spice. Kathryn and Matt didn't want any, but Bill and I went with a little Frank's & bleu cheese combination to top the burgers. Then we all used some pepperjack cheese for a little extra zip. Plus we had lettuce and tomato to make everything all fancy. I probably could have taken the burgers off the grill a couple minutes earlier, but all it did was make the cheese melt too much instead of overdoing the meat. I can live with that.

The burgers came out pretty well. And the beans were good as always. The fries were ok, but I guess our oven takes a lot longer to cook them than the package would suggest. It's probably because the oven is lazy. There was actually too much food, so I ended up not finishing the second burger. That makes me a little sad.

I also managed to drop a hot dog on my foot. It turns out that they come off the grill a little hot, which was unpleasant. Apparently I have the only grill that slopes forward. Probably not the greatest design. I need one of those super grills they have on the cooking shows.

-Jon

I Might Be Forgetting Something. . .

I think that there was something major that happened today. . . it seems to have slipped my mind though.

I did, however, eat a cheeseburger for dinner! Kathryn and I went out to a place called Jake's up in Turners Falls for a couple of beers and a little food. I got a Summer Ale because we were eating outside and I couldn't see the taps, so I had to order on instinct. Apparently at this place, a "Big Beer" is just a normal pint, which was only slightly disappointing. I ordered the "Cowboy-up Burger," potentially named after the Red Sox Cowboy Up slogan in days of yore. It was a burger with cheddar cheese, grilled onions, bacon and some BBQ sauce.

It was also clearly one of those pre-made frozen patties that you get by the 40-pack when you are going to have a cookout. No handformed burger has a perfectly cylindrical shape no matter how talented you are. That being said, there is also only one way to cook this type of burger, which is well done. Otherwise it's still pretty much frozen. This ended up meaning that when the waitress asked me how I wanted the burger cooked, she was just wasting my time and hers. Silly woman.

Also, if I order a second Summer Ale, I do not mean that I want a Steel Rail. That was Kathryn's beer. Get with the program!

The actual burger itself was terrible, but the overall burger was pretty good. You can chalk that up to the bacon and BBQ sauce. They were both well above average. I think it might have something to do with the fact that there were at least 3 slices of bacon, which is more than you usually get at a restaurant. Good work, Jake.

Now, what else happened yesterday of note? Huh, how strange that I don't recall.

-Jon

Second Verse, Same As the First

It would appear that even though I write down a detailed description and story about all of my cheeseburgers, it is still not enough to remember which ones I have tried when I revisit restaurants. Maybe I should start reading my own posts.

Nah.

Kathryn and I went to Fitz Willy's for a late lunch after her day of clinical instruction and my day of pug-filled shenanigans. More on that later. It pretty much doesn't matter what they do to my meal, as they have gorgonzola & garlic bread, which is probably the world's greatest appetizer. Also, I would have to guess that it has somewhere around 15,000 calories, so it is definitely a meal for bulimics. Additionally, I got a parking space at a meter with an hour and 10 minutes already on it! Score!!

I went for the Jack & Meunster Burger, and then sadly realized that I have already eaten it. So pretty much everything I said last time still applies, except that this time they overcooked it. Why is it so hard to get a medium-rare burger these days?

Now, I told you that story so I could tell you this one; it has less burgers, but more of me getting locked out of a house.

While Kathryn went to clinical, I went to Dunkin' Donuts, lay on the couch with pugs, read, and basically was a bum. The thing about pugs is that they tend to, like other dogs, need to be let out from time to time to do various digestive system related things. The thing about Kathryn's house is that I don't have a key to it, so when I go out to get a Vanilla Chai, bagel and coffee roll, I may forget to put the spare key back.

I suspect you can tell where this is going.

Sometime around noon, Chloe started whining, so she, Odin, Angelo and I went outside to take care of our respective businesses. No, I did not break any public urination laws. My business was making sure that pugs did not get hit by cars. Unfortunately, it would seem that I did not unlock the door, so when Giles jumped up at it all angrily since I didn't let him out, he actually pushed it shut and locked us out. For like 45 minutes. Now, pugs do not deal well with cold as it is, so the fact that Chloe romped through the yards of pretty much every house within 100 feet of Kathryn's meant that she was freezing. At the same time, Odin was jumping around like a mad-man, which meant that I couldn't even think. Also, Angelo just kept meowing at me. How is that helpful, Angelo!?

Finally I scooped up the pups and put them in a recycling bin, found a window whose latch looked different from the rest of the windows, and basically made a mess while breaking into the house. Go me! And yes, I let the pugs out of the recycling bin. I should have taken a picture though, because they looked so ridiculous.

I now owe Kathryn a new screen.

-Jon

I Need a Mint

Today's burger was surprising in that the original plan was actually to go get breakfast. Unfortunately, the brunch buffet at The Station is apparently only available on Sundays. Oops. Also, the line at Sylvester's was like 45 minutes long, and there was no way that we intended to wait that long. There were so many people that it took Kathryn 3 minutes to get our names OFF the list. That is just wacky.

Eventually we ended up at Fitz Willy's because Kathryn and I knew it was good and Melissa had never been. This resulted in my food plans going from brunch to a burger. Namely, the French Onion burger. Not sure what exactly made it French, since it had Swiss cheese, but I am not in the burger-naming business (although I may look into it). There were sauteed onions, onions straws and a slice of red onion on this thing. I can only imagine what that did to my breath.

Sadly, the burger did not live up to the high expectations I had for it. First, it was overdone slightly. Nothing is worse for a burger than overcooking it. Second, we had the most ridiculously fantastic appetizer of all time: gorgonzola garlic bread. There was pretty much nothing that was going to live up to that thing. Fries were good though.

Next time I am going to follow my instincts and get a different burger. Or, just make it clear that I don't mean medium well when I say medium rare.

-Jon

Local Burger (and Fries!)

After having a burger on Sunday, you'd think that I would be unlikely to eat another on Monday. You would be wrong. Today was a day to try a new burger place. Upon Mia's recommendation, Kathryn and I went to Local Burger in Northampton for some grass-fed local beef. Mmmm, local cows.

They had a bunch of burgers that you could get, and then they just had a list of things you could throw on a burger. I went with some cow from Easthampton with Applewood smoked bacon (I am beginning to think that these Applewood folks have a monopoly on the bacon-for-burgers industry), crumbled blue cheese, tomato and onion. I am unconvinced that there was actually onion on there however, because I couldn't see any and I couldn't taste any. But there was no charge for it, so I don't feel too upset about it. We also got a large order of fries, which I do not recommend since they were by far the saltiest fries I have eaten this year. I think they may even be saltier than the fries at Ruby Tuesday's, which have been known to cause immediate hypertension.

We also got some ice cream at Herrel's, which is probably spelled wrong. But it was pretty good ice cream. And they sell it by weight, which is like the strangest thing I have ever seen. I think I got a 4 oz. ice cream, which was a small? Coffee and brownie!! It was also good, except that the brownies had nuts in them. Unacceptable! Also, this is not an ice cream blog, so time to get on topic.

In the end, it was a pretty good burger. I think next time I will ask for onion a little bit louder. Or just go to Paradise City, which was like 50 yards away. They have more beers there anyways. Although Local Burger has a BYOB policy, which 2 of the other patrons took full advantage of (?) by bringing in 40s of High Life. I am not quite sure if I would rather have that or the root beer I ended up choosing. Life's tough decisions. . . .

-Jon

In Which I Am Told a Terrible Lie

In my current state of moving, I have been using those cardboard boxes that reams of paper come in, so that it currently looks like I am not really moving from one apartment to another, but rather that I am a lawyer moving offices.  And the source of those boxes has been Jen, whose school apparently is overrun with said boxes.  This led to me stopping by her house today to obtain more boxes (I'm up to around 10) and us going to Uno's with Melissa.

At this point, I don't even really need the menu at Uno's, because I am getting the Bring Home the Bacon Burger with spicy cheddar cheese if I'm hungry.  If not, then it'll probably be the buffalo chicken quesadilla, but since that's not a burger there's really no point in discussing it further.  In and of itself, the burger is not particularly noteworthy, because it's always awesome.  However, today was filled with tragedy.

There's really no reason to go to Uno's and not drink a few beers, so we decided to get beer.  When Melissa asked if they had Spring Ale on tap (an admittedly foolish question, as Spring Ale blows), the waitress told us they had switched to Summer Ale.  I, of course, was immediately overcome with emotion for two reasons:  the first being that Summer Ale coming out is like the best moment of the beer drinking calendar, and the second being embarrassed that I was surprised by it coming out so early.  Needless to say, we ordered a round.  Sadly, no matter what that waitress said, that was definitely NOT Summer Ale, and I have had a few (hundred) so I know what I'm saying here.  I don't know if it was Spring Ale in a Summer Ale keg, or just a mistake on the waitress's part, but the official start of drinking season is yet to come.  On the plus side, I did have a bunch of #9's, so the beer drinking was not a total loss.

-Jon

Airport Burgers < Normal Burgers

So this was probably my fault for expecting more from an airport restaurant, but Chili's Mushroom Swiss Burgers pales in comparison to the Swissroom Burger. Now, this was obviously going to be the case, but I had higher hopes for Chili's.

The first sign that something was up was when Jen and I ordered a Boston Lager and the waitress brought us Foster's. Now, Foster's sounds similar to Boston, especially when you don't really speak English (like our waitress), but c'mon now. Does anyone even drink Foster's? I believe my response to the appearance of said beer was that it was "Australian for crap*." Eventually this situation was rectified, with normal Sam Adams beer replacing that sham of a beverage.

The burger itself wasn't bad. It wasn't good either. It just. . . was. I literally remember nothing remarkable about it. Now that may be because of the dramamine, but I am going with a rather disappointing burger night. Luckily there was burger brilliance to follow!

-Jon

*If you are one of the 6 people in the world who like Foster's, my apologies. Not about what I said, but about your horrendous choice of beers.