Wedding Weekend

Since Matt and Tanya's wedding was this weekend, several people headed down to Rhode Island to celebrate with them. I went down with Steve and Maura the day before so that we could participate in the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We were there a while before either, so we went over to Chili's (which was one of about 40 restaurant options within 5 miles of our hotel) and had some lunch. And beers!

After a lengthy deliberation, I finally settled on the Shiner Bock BBQ Burger. I have pretty much no idea what Shiner Bock is , but my guess is that it's some kind of BBQ sauce made out of Shiner Bock, which I am assuming is a beer. Either way, it was good stuff. There was also cheddar cheese and onion straws along with the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. There were also pickles, but I took them off and ate them separately. No pickles on my burgers!!

That was a good burger. Maybe it's because there weren't many people there, but I actually got it cooked the way I ordered it! That is a fantastic thing these days. They also have pretty good fries at Chili's. It's weird going there and not ordering a fajita though.

After that, we went back, adventured out to the church for rehearsal, and then went to a semi-fancy restaurant for dinner. As fancy as the place was, they are poor counters. Matt had told them between 35-40 people, so they set up seating for 30. Last I knew, 30 was actually a smaller number than either end of Matt's range. Eventually they got their act together and fed me a tasty steak, also cooked medium rare. Two properly cooked meats in one day? Stupendous!!

-Jon

The Luau Burger

In the quest for delicious burgers, sometimes we have to get a little wacky. At James and Nicole's luau, the menu started off with some skewers of bacon-wrapped chicken, mushrooms and pineapples before James started putting the burgers and hot dogs on the grill. Since there were some leftover skewers when it was time for the burgers, I thought that it might be a neat idea to put the stuff from one of the skewers on top of the burger.

Was it good? Good enough to do twice, so yes.

Obviously bacon goes great with burgers, and mushrooms as well. Chicken was a little suspicious, but it turned out pretty well. This bodes well for the Barnyard Burger that I will eventually develop. I was skeptical of the pineapple, but it was actually a nice addition. Maybe I'll have to try that pineapple burger at Red Robin, if I ever go back.

The rest of the party was also a good time. You can pretty much guarantee that if you have a keg of Sam Summer at your party, it's going to be a good one.

-Jon

Puppy Pool Acquired!

Wait. You don't know about the extensive search for a puppy pool? You are slacking. These blogs are required reading for anyone who has any sort of interaction with me. Well, the story has a happy ending in that I got one at Christmas Tree Shops (which was suspiciously lacking in actual trees). Odin will be rocking out in style next time he comes to pug camp.

The trip to Christmas Tree Shops was preceded by a trip to Northampton for lunch with Kathryn at the Northampton Brewery. I was seriously considering ordering a non-burger meal, but then I thought that would be irresponsible, so I ended up going with the Blackened Blue Burger, mostly because its name was alliterative. If something has a funny name or an alliterative name, I am almost helpless to resist it. This is why I was so upset when Whistling Pig was actually not available, contrary to previously posted information. You can't tell me about something with such an awesome name and then make it unavailable. Man, that's just mean.

The Blackened Blue Burger was a giant monster with cajun spices, blue cheese and caramelized onions along with the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. It also came with a delightful pickle and some good French fries, made even better by the Tabasco ketchup I used. Actually, I used way too much Tabasco, so the fries were incredibly hot. The burger itself was really good, and actually cooked medium rare. I know, I was shocked too. The blue cheese was great, but I wish there had been a little more. Some of mine escaped due to faulty burger holding, but there still wasn't enough. More cheese is always a good thing.

Kathryn had ordered a couple of pretzels with some kind of beer cheese sauce for dipping. The pretzels were the saltiest things I ever ate, but if you scraped off some of the extra salt and dipped them in the sauce, they were fantastic. I don't know which kind of cheese it was, but it tasted kind of like a cheddar. You should go there and get the recipe so that I can make it at home. It will be delicious! I'll even invite you over when I'm making it.

I also tried 2 of their beers. You can't go to a brewery/restaurant and not try what they've got going on tap. Unless you're Dave, in which case you'd probably still order a Bud Light. I had a Weizenheimer, which was a wheat beer that tasted a little summery, and a Northampton Pale Ale, which tasted like a pale ale. The Weizenheimer was great, and the NPA was ok. Pale ales are always a mystery going in, and this one was right in the middle for deliciousness.

Now I've got a big afternoon ahead of me of making ribs. This could end up messy.

-Jon

Two Down, 48 To Go

This weekend was the Vermont Brewers Festival, which was like the Brattleboro Brewers Festival on steroids. More tents, more beers, more people, more sessions, more everything! You can read about it here.

The most important thing about the Brewers Festival is that it is held in Burlington, which just happens to be the home of Vermont's best cheeseburger! It's called the Scibek Sizzler, but it may also be called the Scibec Sizzler. More on that later.

Vermont's best burger can be found at a place called The Shopping Bag. Much like its name would suggest, this place is a convenience store. As soon as we walked inside, I thought we had made a mistake. This place does not look like a burger place at all. I also thought that I was about to get beaten severely by the people I was with, because I had just made them walk a mile (half of it uphill) to get to this place. Seriously, take a look.

This does not look like the place that you're going to find the best cheeseburger in the state. Or really even find a cheeseburger period. Luckily, we saw this sign. It made me think we might be in the right place. You can also see the name difficulties that I'm having. Food Network uses the "k" and the sign uses the "c." What the hell!?

Either way, we ordered some up. James and I got the real deal minus the mayo because mayo is gross and no matter what Kathryn says, it still counts as the best burger without mayo. If Kathryn keeps up her mayo attitude, she's going to find herself sleeping in a dumpster. Kathryn got the mini-Sizzler, which is actually the size of a normal cheeseburger. Dianna and other Jon split a normal Sizzler, meaning that James and I are the burger champs. Check these things out! And yes, I asked Big Al if I could document the burger process before I started randomly taking pictures in the store.

We've got freshly ground beef, some Montreal steak seasoning, 2 kinds of cheeses (looked like American and Provolone from my perspective), bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard. As I just said, mayo was also an option, but if you're going to be putting mayo on your burgers, we're not going to be talking. Seriously, go away. The final product was enormous. I don't think the next picture does justice to the sheer size of this burger.

What you really need is a picture of me trying to eat it. Then you can see just how large it is. I look like a boa constrictor.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I dislocated my jaw eating this burger. And it was fantastic. I don't have a lot of burger experience in Vermont, but this seems like a reasonable choice for the state's best. And it costs $5.39. You can't beat that. Next time you're in Burlington, head over to North St. (not North Ave, as apparently the people who named the streets in Ludlow also had a hand in street naming up in Vermont) and get yourself one of these beasts.

-Jon

Get Right Back on the Horse

You'd think that getting sick would stop me from grabbing another burger for lunch immediately the next day. You'd be wrong. I think this falls into the category of "if at first you don't succeed, try again." I needed to have a good burger this weekend to undo the mental effects of that Red Robin debacle.

We were going to Boston for Matt's bachelor party, so I took the responsibility for picking a place since no one else knew too many places in the city. We were staying right by the Garden, so I figured people would enjoy The Fours, the place that Kathryn and I went to on Easter. It's got good food and lots of different beers, so you can't really go wrong. I decided to get a little silly, so I got a Guinness and made my own burger. Not literally, because it would be weird if they just let random people into the kitchen, but in the sense that I picked my own toppings instead of getting a predetermined meal. I went with bacon, American cheese and avocado in addition to the standard lettuce and tomato. They had a lot more options, including chili (which I almost did just for the experience), but I decided not to overdo it. After all, we were going to be doing a lot of beer drinking in the coming hours, so I needed the stomach space.

That burger was delightful! It was cooked right, the avocado went nicely with the bacon, and there wasn't too much lettuce. The fries were also good, and we got the buffalo chicken nachos which were awesome again. All around it was a good time.

After that, things started to get silly.

We went from The Fours to Boston Beer Works right down the street to kick off our pub crawl. That's a nice little place. I tried something called "Tell-Tale Lager," which was good. I'd drink it again. They had the Uruguay-Germany match on TV, so people were getting all into that. We decided to participate as well, and just yelled really loudly every time anyone else yelled. It was a good time.

Next up was this tiny place called the Corner Cafe in the Italian district. It was about the size of my kitchen. Steve struggled with the claw machine (which ended up eating his coins without offering him a chance at a crappy prize), we lost on all our scratch tickets, and then we played Keno for a while. Not the real Keno, but the fake one that Dave played in college. It's a lot more fun, and involves a lot more yelling at the Keno TV. It turns out that yesterday was Steve G's lucky day, because his number 6 came up in probably 10 games in a row. We used that to our advantage to win $100 playing actual Keno, and walked out of there with beer money.

On the way back, we grabbed a 24-pack for the hotel room, which would quickly become a 23-pack due to gravity. Steve decided he was lazy, so he carried the beers for a little and then dumped them off on Dave. He did not warn Dave that the handle on the box was not exactly intact. Shortly after that, the handle ripped off completely and the beers went everywhere on the sidewalk. Sadly, one of them exploded on impact, leaving us with one less beer and one more story.

We ran mostly through that box o' beer and got pretty for the night out. After walking the wrong way to Park St (since me saying several times "we need to be on the other side of this building and you guys are going the wrong way" wasn't enough to get them to turn around), we ended up deciding to hit Faneuil Hall for a meal at Dick's Last Resort. That was an experience. Steve had been there before, and possible a few of the other guys, but it was new to me. The main thing there is that the employees treat all the customers like crap, and also make embarrassing hats for them. They also serve 40 oz Bud Lights, so that's a win. My ribs were cooked to rib perfection (the first bone came out clean with almost no effort, which is what is supposed to happen), and the buffalo wings were spicy enough without being weird tasting. I'd go back.

We finished off the night at Ned Devine's, which may be the longest bar/club I've ever seen. You could just keep walking and walking. It was also incredibly crowded, which made it a good thing that we had been drinking all day. I can't handle those kind of places without being properly lubricated.

All in all, it was a good night. And it probably was an indicator of future wackiness that will happen at the wedding.

-Jon

This Story Will Be Gross

Don't complain later, as I have pre-warned you here.

Originally we were supposed to go out to dinner for Mom's birthday to a nice place, but then they decided they were going to be on vacation and ruin the whole plan. Undeterred, Chuck suggested that we go out to Red Robin instead, because who really wants to cook when it's 90+ outside. You know me: if a burger is possible, I am obligated to go for it. This will turn out to be a mistake.

I went with the Five-Alarm Burger. Pepperjack cheese, peppers, jalapeños, etc. It was supposed to be very spicy. It was not. I would give it two alarms max. I also feel like I have written this before, but I couldn't find it quickly and didn't feel like putting the effort in to really look. I guess some of that Mmmm, Opinions laziness in research has made it over to this site. It really was inevitable. The burger itself was pretty good, and they cooked it right, so I can't really complain. Red Robin also does a good job on their fries, which is a major plus. I tried them with a little of the Red Robin seasoning in the ketchup, and it was a nice change of pace. That seasoning claims to have 20 different flavors in it. Some of them have got to be repeats.

After dinner, I went down to Home Goods with Mom and Chuck and picked up some mixing bowls that I desperately needed along with a few extra pillows for Kathryn the Pillow Queen. Then we went home, drank a couple beers and played cards. So far everything is great.

Fast forward to tomorrow morning. It couldn't have been the meat, because I don't think this happened to everyone, but something on my burger was past its freshness date. The Five-Alarm Burger looks a lot better going in than it does coming back out in a semi-digested state. You can still taste the jalapeños though! This is one of those times that I am really glad we have a garbage disposal. I am also really glad that I remembered that the disposal is in the right-hand sink. That could have been a disaster.

I may have just lost a couple readers.

-Jon

Blame It On Jet Lag

I should probably warn you that this entire post may be incredibly rambling and incoherent. I'm pretty sleepy, and it's really hot out which isn't helping things. I'm also watching the Red Sox, so at most only 50% of my attention is focused on what I'm writing. Sometimes I am not even looking at the computer screen or keyboard while I type. That could result in some interesting typos.

My options for dinner tonight were: Frosted Mini-Wheats (Cinnamon Strudel or Blueberry Muffin), going to get take-out (probably not going to happen, due to my current lack of motivation to do anything) or burgers at Mom and Chuck's. Since you're reading this, you can probably guess that I went with option 3. It was a compromise between not having to get myself dinner and having to leave the air-conditioning in my living room.

I'm going to cut this thing short. Two burgers, American cheese, tomato, red onion, some baked beans, some pasta salad and a pair of Summer Ales. It was a good time. Hopefully the next time I eat burgers it will be a more manageable temperature and I will be able to think a bit more clearly. Or maybe not. If I could tell the future, do you really think I'd be spending my time writing so terribly?

-Jon

Back From France

You may have noticed a conspicuous lack of cheeseburgers being eaten in the past couple weeks. This is due to the fact that I was in France, and the cheeseburgers in France are a sin against nature. France does a lot of things well. Croissants? Check. Wine? Double check. Cheese? Check. Getting eliminated from the World Cup in fairly hilarious manners? Check. But burgers are just not on the list. I learned that lesson the hard way back in 2008, so there was no chance that I would be eating them until my triumphant return to the USA.

Thankfully, even though it's Independence Day, RF O'Sullivan's was open! Blackjack burger, here I come!!

Yeah, that's what burger eating is all about. Blackened burger, blackjack sauce, tomato and raw onions. Burger eating doesn't get better than that in Massachusetts, Food Network be damned. I'm not sure if you can tell, but I have 5 fries there. Yes, five. That actually added up to be more than one potato. These weren't even fries now that I think about it. They were enormous potato wedges with a hint of fried outside. And they were served at the temperature of molten lava. You would think that I would have learned by now that the fries are always served somewhere between molten lava hot and surface of the sun hot, but I just don't. I am pretty sure that you could take them home and heat your house for the weekend.

The burger was as delicious as I remember it. Nice and rare, a little spicy, and the size of my head. Can't beat it.

Alex also had the Blackjack, Kathryn tried the Creamy Blue Cheese Burger (that one looked pretty good AND had bacon, so I may have to try it), Erica had the Black & Blue Burger (been there, done that), Catherine had the JD Burger (highly recommended by Alex, but he can't rank it above the Blackjack) and Martanda had the Honey Bee Burger (never had it, but it's got a funny name). There is also a decent chance that I misspelled Martanda's name. Sorry dude! However, in burger terms, everyone wins!

Also, that Newcastle was a lot better than the one I got last time. Maybe they ordered new ones. Plus it's much bigger than your standard Newcastle, which is nice. I think I might have to go buy some beer today, as France is also not known for their beer production and I've been drinking wine for the last 10 days.

PS - Alex may tell you that I was messed up on Dramamine and decided to sing all the not-so-straight songs that came on the radio on the way home from the airport, like the Cranberries and Bryan Adams and Kelly Clarkson. This is a lie. It was Michael Bolton, not Bryan Adams.

-Jon