It's Because I'm Brave

Most people who have a bad food experience avoid that location like the plague, but not me. For instance, I might go right back within a month. And I'll go back again, because I'm just that kind of guy. By which I mean "stupid."

Oh well, so bet it.

We went out to dinner at Red Robin, which marks the first trip there of 2011. But probably not the last, although maybe it will be since Judie's is clearly higher rated by the family. At any rate, I obviously chose to eat a burger since it's a burger place and ordering anything else seems kind of silly. Like going to a non-classy bar and ordering wine. Or going to a regular bar and ordering wine. Knock it off, weirdo.

I decided on the A1 Peppercorn Burger because it seemed like I hadn't ever had it and also posted about it. It had some bacon, pepperjack cheese, tomatoes, onion "straws" and whatever A1 Peppercorn sauce is. I don't want to find out because it's probably something mayonnaise based and if I know there's mayo, I'll probably never be able to eat it again. And I might hold you personally responsible for ruining the fantasy world I've set up for myself in my mind. The burger didn't quite look like the picture, but it was pretty close. You can be the judge. The bun looks a little strange because it's an onion bun.

I am a fan of the onion bun. It's a different flavor, and I like it. Also the burger itself was pretty good. It was also ridiculously huge, and I foolishly consumed the entire thing. At least I was smart enough to leave some of the fries behind, so I didn't end up feeling like someone inflated my stomach like a cartoon with a helium tank. And thus far, I don't feel sick either. I'm thinking that was a one-time only event.

-Jon

The Burger's Just the Beginning

Today was a big day. And since there was a burger involved, you get to hear all about it.

We went out to lunch with Chris because he is not generally home and lunch seemed like a good way to acknowledge his presence. Despite my better judgment, we decided to go to Red Robin. Apparently my family loves that place. As previously promised, I ordered the Banzai Burger to test my new theory of "Meat and Fruit is not that bad." Admittedly, the theory's name could use some work. Give me a break though, as I am not really trying that hard.

The burger has some kind of teriyaki sauce along with slices of pineapple, which means it's like a shish-kebab in burger form. There is also lettuce, tomato and onion, because that seems to be the required topping for all of their burgers. Except for that one with mushrooms, because that would just be weird. I was surprised by how good it was. I probably shouldn't have been after trying that burger at James and Nicole's, but I was still skeptical. Well, call me a convert.

That burger was just the kickoff to a wild and crazy evening. After lunch, I packed up my stuff and got ready to head to the MGM at Foxwoods for the Beach Boys concert with Kathryn, Mom and Chuck. I think that would have been the last thing to ever occur 10+ years ago, but now I am all grown up so it's cool. For some reason, Google Maps decided that the best way to get there would be to go on Route 2, then get off of Route 2 for a little bit, and then immediately get back on Route 2. Jerks. We did end up getting to the hotel easily after that, with no major problems other than my newfound lack of respect for Google.

Alright, check into the hotel, change clothes and then off to MGM, right? Wrong! The hotel shuttle was actually a limo, so we got the last 4 spots and got ready to leave. The limo made it about 30 yards, to the end of the driveway, and then just died. Alright, new limo, and attempt 2. This time we actually made it. Hooray! Let's kill some time before the show.

Ok, so it turns out that Mom had never been to a casino before. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have her first experience be at the largest casino in the country. She looked like a country bumpkin, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I think she managed to survive mostly unscathed, only losing a couple bucks in the penny slots. How did I do? Hold on to that thought.

We decided to grab a snack before the show, so we went to the mini food court and ordered a couple slices of pizza. Since Foxwoods is the largest casino in the country, I am going to hand out some other awards for extremes. This pizza wins the "Greasiest Pizza Ever" award. It soaked right through the plate, and it was a plastic plate!! That may be an exaggeration, but only slightly. I actually feel a little sick just thinking about it.

After that, it was time for the show. It was really good, and it was packed. There were a couple funny people there. First was the super-excited lady in front of us who chair-danced for practically the entire show. Second is the girl was up in the front row who clearly loves attention because she kept dancing her way up to the stage and being gently escorted back to her seat. Finally, Mr No-Smile, who looked like that particular concert was the last place he wanted to be. I have never seen someone more miserable at their current location, and I teach math!!

After the show, we walked over to the actual Foxwoods building and played some games. I wasn't really planning on gambling, but the flashy lights on the slot machines drew me in. I played some game about smelly food called "Stinkin' Rich" or "Filthy Rich" or something along those lines because it's Kathryn's favorite. I didn't do very well. Stupid game. At that point I thought I was done, but I found a penny slot game called "Helen of Troy" and decided to give it one more go. After a few minutes, I got bored and moved to the next machine, which was "Golden Goose." You got bonuses for geese showing up or for getting gold eggs. This game was short-lived because every time a goose showed up, the game made an annoying honking sound. That can only go on for so long before I get fed up. Move another chair over. This game was called "Pompeii" and sucked donkey balls. I think I played for 3 minutes.

Alright, last chance Foxwoods. I'll give "Golden Gong" a try, because it almost sounds dirty. First spin, I get a couple gongs on the screen which are apparently good. The machine starts making crazy gong sounds, and I win like $4. That's actually a lot if you consider that it was a penny machine. Also, the second award of the night goes to this machine for "Loudest Slot Machine." Everything it did attracted attention from the people around me! I played for a while, got some more gongs, got some old Chinese guys on the screen which apparently double your prizes, you know how it goes. After a while, I start getting bored again and tell the game that I'm leaving if I don't start getting more gongs. Within 5 spins, I get a spin with 5 gongs. Bam, $200. I like it. I also get bonus spins for having multiple gongs and win another $70 or so. All in all, I walked in with $41 and walked out with $292.69. Hooray!!

I was definitely done at that point, as was everyone else, so we went back to our hotel. The final award of the night goes to our hotel for "Scariest Toilet." Every single time I flushed it, it was so loud that I thought I had broken something or possibly opened up a doorway to another dimension. That's just unnecessary.

It was a good day.

-Jon

This Story Will Be Gross

Don't complain later, as I have pre-warned you here.

Originally we were supposed to go out to dinner for Mom's birthday to a nice place, but then they decided they were going to be on vacation and ruin the whole plan. Undeterred, Chuck suggested that we go out to Red Robin instead, because who really wants to cook when it's 90+ outside. You know me: if a burger is possible, I am obligated to go for it. This will turn out to be a mistake.

I went with the Five-Alarm Burger. Pepperjack cheese, peppers, jalapeños, etc. It was supposed to be very spicy. It was not. I would give it two alarms max. I also feel like I have written this before, but I couldn't find it quickly and didn't feel like putting the effort in to really look. I guess some of that Mmmm, Opinions laziness in research has made it over to this site. It really was inevitable. The burger itself was pretty good, and they cooked it right, so I can't really complain. Red Robin also does a good job on their fries, which is a major plus. I tried them with a little of the Red Robin seasoning in the ketchup, and it was a nice change of pace. That seasoning claims to have 20 different flavors in it. Some of them have got to be repeats.

After dinner, I went down to Home Goods with Mom and Chuck and picked up some mixing bowls that I desperately needed along with a few extra pillows for Kathryn the Pillow Queen. Then we went home, drank a couple beers and played cards. So far everything is great.

Fast forward to tomorrow morning. It couldn't have been the meat, because I don't think this happened to everyone, but something on my burger was past its freshness date. The Five-Alarm Burger looks a lot better going in than it does coming back out in a semi-digested state. You can still taste the jalapeños though! This is one of those times that I am really glad we have a garbage disposal. I am also really glad that I remembered that the disposal is in the right-hand sink. That could have been a disaster.

I may have just lost a couple readers.

-Jon

Not a Normal Thursday

Another Thursday, another dinner with Dad, Kelly and Evan. With a twist. Although we did have burgers (a Dias staple), we had them at Red Robin. That makes 2 weeks in a row that Thursday night dinner was out at a restaurant.

After a bunch of trips to Red Robin, I have eaten almost all the "real" burgers on the menu. Obviously that does not include the ones that are turkey or chicken or not real burgers. I still am afraid to give the Banzai Burger a try, because I am not sure that fruit belongs on my burger. I am also not sure if I have previously tried the Santa Fe Burger, but as of now that is moot.

Also, if someone can go back and find out if I have eaten that burger, I'll give you one of the the Raison d'Etre beers that are still crowding my fridge.

What a delightful burger! It had some kind of peppers, and some pepperjack cheese, and onions and some kind of sort of spicy sauce! Oh, and guacamole. I don't understand why I didn't eat guacamole before. I think maybe because it was green and has a funny name. Or because I wasn't really sure what an avocado was. Actually, I am still not sure what they are. Why do they have fake wooden testicles inside them?

The strange thing was, we ordered onion rings as an appetizer, but definitely did not receive any onion rings. Although in the end, that is probably a good thing, because I may have exploded afterwards. That would have been messy, and you would have missed out on a new post. That would have been very disappointing for you.

-Jon

Red Robin (Yummmm)

Well, it seems pretty clear that the Red Robin in Wilbraham is vastly superior to the Red Robin in Holyoke.  Also, Holyoke is a word and Wilbraham is not, according to spellcheck.  Also, I am apparently ridiculously allergic to cats now, since I can barely open my eyes to type.  But none of this is really on topic.

Mom, Chuck, Bill and I went to Red Robin for dinner because Mom and Chuck were at Home Depot, and Red Robin is one plaza over.  I, of course, was fully in support of this idea for 2 reasons:  burgers are a great choice for dinner, and there was pretty much a 0% that I would have to pay for this burger.

I decided to try a burger that I was 80% sure I had never had before, so I went with the Bleu Ribbon Burger.  Get it, Bleu Ribbon instead of Blue Ribbon?  It's because there was crumbled Bleu cheese on the burger.  They are so clever.  There was also some kind of chipotle sauce, which was pretty good.  There was also definitely some kind of sauce, like maybe Heinz 57 or A1 or something with a number in it.  And there were some onion straws, which just seemed excessive.  Maybe they were there for health reasons?  Are onions even healthy?  I'll have to look this up, by which I mean completely forget about it.

I would eat that burger again.  And I would eat it with its wrapper thing still on it, because that was a really messy burger.  That chipotle sauce gets everywhere.

-Jon