Inside the Burger?

Onions are a delicious topping for a cheeseburger, because onions are great. To make things even easier to eat, you can get the onions inside the ground beef so that they won't try to escape from the bun, as onions are frequently apt to do. They're very sneaky that way.

So obviously I told you that lovely onion info because that's what kind of burger I got to eat for dinner. Chuck also whipped up some of the now famous garlic mushrooms, along with some sauteed onions. Basically it was a heaping pile of the most aromatic foods you can get, turned into a delicious burger. It's also the last thing you should ever eat if you happen to be out on a first date. It would probably be ok after like 10 dates, because at that point you can generally stop trying to impress the other person. For the record, I stop trying on date #1. Isn't Kate lucky to have me?

That burger was quite delicious, and I think it was helped by the fact that it was accompanied by tater tots cooked to crispy perfection. And also salad, which made me feel like less of a fat slob. What a delightful meal.

-Jon

It's Because I'm Brave

Most people who have a bad food experience avoid that location like the plague, but not me. For instance, I might go right back within a month. And I'll go back again, because I'm just that kind of guy. By which I mean "stupid."

Oh well, so bet it.

We went out to dinner at Red Robin, which marks the first trip there of 2011. But probably not the last, although maybe it will be since Judie's is clearly higher rated by the family. At any rate, I obviously chose to eat a burger since it's a burger place and ordering anything else seems kind of silly. Like going to a non-classy bar and ordering wine. Or going to a regular bar and ordering wine. Knock it off, weirdo.

I decided on the A1 Peppercorn Burger because it seemed like I hadn't ever had it and also posted about it. It had some bacon, pepperjack cheese, tomatoes, onion "straws" and whatever A1 Peppercorn sauce is. I don't want to find out because it's probably something mayonnaise based and if I know there's mayo, I'll probably never be able to eat it again. And I might hold you personally responsible for ruining the fantasy world I've set up for myself in my mind. The burger didn't quite look like the picture, but it was pretty close. You can be the judge. The bun looks a little strange because it's an onion bun.

I am a fan of the onion bun. It's a different flavor, and I like it. Also the burger itself was pretty good. It was also ridiculously huge, and I foolishly consumed the entire thing. At least I was smart enough to leave some of the fries behind, so I didn't end up feeling like someone inflated my stomach like a cartoon with a helium tank. And thus far, I don't feel sick either. I'm thinking that was a one-time only event.

-Jon

Happy St. Patrick's Day (Road Race)

In my many years on this planet (or any planet really), I had never once been a part of the road race in Holyoke in any capacity. Well, I can now check off that drunken mess from my to-do list. If you are wondering, I did not run, unlike Maura and Jen, who are overachievers. Mostly because I'm lazy, but also because my foot is still screwed up. And it's a 10K, which is far too many K's for me. Sign me up for a 1K and we'll go from there.

They were selling food there, and since I was going to be drinking many beers throughout the course of the afternoon, I figured it might be a good idea to eat some of said food. One of the options was cheeseburgers, and, like some sort of lobotomy patient who doesn't have a working brain, I decided that this would be a good choice. It was not. I should have followed Steve's lead and gotten a sausage grinder. Those are much harder to screw up. But sadly I got a lame burger with the cheese not even melted on it and no topping options. Luckily I had a large complement of Bud Lights to soften the blow.

Now you might be wondering why there is no mention of these Bud Lights over at Mmmm, beers! After all, it is a beer. The reason is that there is no possible way you are going to convince me that Bud Light is delicious, and thus I would not be saying "mmmm" while drinking a Bud Light. Sadly, this means it, along with its brethren Coors Light, Miller Lite, et al, will not ever be featured on that prestigious site. Actually, that's not sad. Do you really want to read about that stuff? Don't answer that, because if the answer is yes, then I hate you.

Also, Melissa dumped a beer into my coat pocket because she is scared of police officers. Except for when she throws snowballs at them in downtown Springfield. That girl is a menace.

-Jon

Rye Bread?

I'm not sure what you're trying to pull here, Northampton Brewery, but I'll play your game. Burgers are usually supposed to go on buns, but if you want to to mix things up, I'll let it slide. However, if it's not working, I'll be calling you out on it. And then all 3 people who read this will know. Your move.

Dianna and Kate were going to the bulb show in Northampton and were also getting lunch first. Now, being a licensed hetero, I had pretty much zero interest in the bulb show. But I'm always down for an opportunity to go eat a cheeseburger! Especially at a brew pub, which will presumably offer me a chance at a new beer. And it did!!

We went to the Northampton Brewery, which is not on the main road and often gets overlooked by silly people like me. I believe that the last time I was there I got the Blackened Blue Burger, so this time I forced myself to mix things up with the Patty Melt. It's got Swiss cheese, onions and mushrooms, so in theory it must be delicious. It's also got Reuben dressing, but that kind of stuff is not for me. Oh, and it comes on marble rye bread.

Just in case you can't tell from the first picture, they did a magnificent job of cooking it correctly. Check out that pink center!

That's what a burger should look like. None of that well done crap.

Overall, it was pretty good, although the burger itself needed a little more flavor. Without the cheese and onions and mushrooms, it just tasted like boring old ground beef. Toss some pepper or salt on there before it hits the grill! The important thing is, the rye bread was a successful bread choice. Well played, Brewery. Also, their fries are delicious! In the sad news department, it turns out that just because the menu says "Irish Fare All Day," it doesn't mean that you can get the lamb stew all day. That really ruins your lunch plans if you're Kate.

But then we got ice cream, and everything was great.

-Jon

The Burger Triplets

Now, eating 3 burgers sounds like a lot, but they were sliders so it's not really as much as it would originally seem. Still probably more than I needed to eat though. I will have to skip a meal tomorrow.

Chuck got a bunch of mini-burgers (aka "sliders," although I am not sure I understand the name) to grill up tonight, so I signed on for 3 of them. I think a better idea would have been to have 2 of them, especially since I also ate an absurd amount of baked beans. Obviously that part of my brain that recognizes when my stomach is full was on break for dinner tonight.

There were also mini-buns, which made me feel sort of like a giant. And we had some sweet toppings, like garlic mushrooms, sauteed onions and cheese. There was BBQ sauce too, but somehow I failed to notice it until my third burger, at which point I threw it on there anyway. When you're going overboard, you might as well go all the way. Don't half-ass it.

The burgers were good, and I learned a valuable lesson: just because they're little, don't try to eat three of them. This isn't Man vs. Food.

-Jon

Reservations?

We don't take no stinkin' reservations!! That's actually the unofficial motto of Judie's, which meant that we had to wait quite a while for a table for 8. But eventually we did get a table and a delicious burger was soon to follow. And 2 new beers!

As a side note, I did another classic Jon parking job on that street in Amherst off the main street. And by classic I mean that I was at least a foot off the curb even though I had more than enough room to park correctly. That's just how I get down. Seriously, ask anyone.

Once we finally got our table, I was torn between the burger I got last time and the Cheddar, Onion & Bacon burger. I eventually decided on the latter since it was new. Or maybe not, but definitely new to 2011, and that's good enough for me! I was also torn between 2 different beers, but that's a story for another webpage. Also, I ended up not having to choose since I got both!!

They did not skimp on the onions on this burger. It also seemed to have a lot of cheese, and the standard 2 pieces of bacon. It was kind of a train-wreck in appearance though. See?

Regardless of how it looked, it was delicious! And it was cooked just the way I wanted it, which makes my tummy happen. Those fries are also pretty ridiculous. Seems like Judie has got this burger thing down pat.

-Jon

Twice the Cheese, Twice the Fun

After what was, for me, a relatively long and exhausting day, it was exciting to find out that dinner was going to be cheeseburgers. And there were 2 choices of cheese! Since I couldn't choose between provolone and American, I decided to go with both. This turned out to be a delicious decision, and was seconded by Dad.

This time around, the grill was more cooperative than it was for the last round of burgers. Everything was grilled to burger perfection, except for Kelly's well done mess. But since that's how she likes them, I guess that counts as perfection still, no matter how painful it is to see.

In other news, BBQ sauce is rapidly ascending the list of top condiments. Not that there's really a lot of competition considering that I don't really use any other condiments not named ketchup. But BBQ sauce is clearly better than ketchup since they both have tomato bases (sort of), but BBQ sauce takes things in a much more awesome direction.

I wasn't really very focused while I was writing this, so let's sum things up real quick at the end. Multiple kinds of cheese are better than just one, it's nice when the grill does what it's supposed to, and BBQ sauce is delicious. Write that down.

-Jon

This Might Be Something New

It is possible that the last time I went to R.F. O'Sullivan's fine burger establishment was in 2010. That's a little bit sad.

Fortunately, tonight offered another chance to eat a deliciously huge ball of meat since Alex's friends Adam and Jess were in town and have never been there. Obviously he is a bad host. That sad situation has since been rectified, and I even tried possibly a brand new burger. However, I am starting to think that I have had this burger before. This is quite the conundrum.

Whether it's new or not, I ordered the Out of the Blu Burger, which is both stuffed with blue cheese and has blue cheese on top. It's recommended by the owner (who is a crazy person) to try it with bacon, so I did. I don't want to mess with crazy people. For once, I ordered it with tomato and onion and actually got tomato and onion! Sorry lettuce, you just aren't that great. Check this thing out!

You can ignore those Coronas in the background because Corona is gross and they're obviously not mine. Focus on the ridiculous size of this burger! And those massive "fries," which are just giant potato wedges served at the temperature of molten lava. Still tasty though.

To give you an idea of the cheesiness of the burger, I tried to get a picture with the cheese oozing out. Unfortunately, it just looks like the burger is bleeding white blood. But the burger is cooked properly, so it's got that going for it. Which is nice.

That brings today's list of positive things up to: ate a delicious burger, worked a fun volleyball tournament, drank some beers. And in the negative column: drove way too many miles and might have destroyed the inside of my foot. Unless feet are supposed to be puffy, purple, and 150° to the touch. Stupid feet.

-Jon

How Did That Take So Long?

Paradise City Tavern in Northampton has a special every weekday from 4:00 - 5:30 where you can get a beer, a burger and fries for $6.95. Yet somehow I had never taken advantage of this, probably because that's kind of early for dinner. But it's not too early if you skip lunch! Thus, this terrible burger injustice has been righted.

The only downside is that the beer choices are Narragansett, Boston Lager and Hibernation Ale. Actually the second two choices are good, but Narragansett is terrible. It's even terrible as a Trivia Night beer, and at Trivia Night my standards are pretty low. Ignoring that sad fact, it turns out that the Hibernation Ale is pretty terrific. It's also only a winter beer, so hopefully they will have something equally delicious for a spring choice.

For the burger deal, the only option is the standard burger, which comes with lettuce, tomato and onion. Cheese is an extra dollar, which is ridiculous because you can get like 30 slices of cheese for $5 at the deli. Talk about a ridiculous markup. I went with gouda since a burger without cheese is a travesty. It looks pretty good.

For some reason, they decided that the burger needed a charred outer coating, which is a simply ridiculous notion. Who would want a charred burger. More impressive is the fact that they charred the outside without making the inside into a disaster. It's like a tale of two burgers. The outside was a gross mess, but the inside was nice and tasty. I am torn by this state of affairs. I guess I would say that overall, the burger was ok.

Also, the gouda was delicious. Don't sleep on the gouda.

-Jon

Three Down, 47 To Go

I can now check off Connecticut in my quest to finish Food Network's 50 States, 50 Burgers list before the link dies. Or they come up with a new list. Or, at this rate, all the cows on the planet go extinct. It's taking me a really long time to do this list, which is probably because I hate driving and that's a major component of getting to other states.

Connecticut's contribution to the list is the steamed cheeseburger at Ted's Restaurant down in Meriden. They've got 3 little steaming cabinets where raw meat goes in and rectangles of burger come out. They also steam their cheese (probably cheddar if my tongue is correct), which makes it super gooey and extra tasty. There's like 10 different topping options, but I kept it simple with just tomato and sauteed onions. Kathryn, on the other hand, went with everything but the sauteed onions. That includes gross mayonnaise. I think hers in the one in the middle, and mine is on the right.

Once the cheese gets on it, things start to get serious. There's pretty much an equivalent amount of cheese as beef, which is a lot of cheese.

Ted's doesn't serve normal fries, but they do serve home fries. And you can get them with cheese. Which I did. I think I ate 3 weeks' worth of cheese in a single meal.

Sadly, there were so many home fries that I couldn't eat them. That cheese is really filling! The burger was pretty good, but I need to get some additional toppings next time. Specifically bacon. A little bit of saltiness would have been perfect. But definitely no mayo! Silly Kathryn.

-Jon

Hopefully This Won't Jinx Things

After 2010 ended with a whimper, it looks like 2011 might be off to a stronger start. Only time (and my ability to drag the people I'm eating with to burger places) will tell if it can continue.

To conclude birthday week, we went out to Judie's to celebrate the 23rd anniversary of Matt and Bill's invasion of the world. And even though I had just had a cheeseburger for dinner last night, I still felt the urge to order another one. I decided on the gorgonzola and mushroom burger, which came with 2 kinds of mushrooms (I believe shiitake and portobello) and was an absolute monster. Check it out!

Holy moly! It doesn't look like it's a massive burger, but it felt like I was easily eating twice as much. It was very meaty, and the gorgonzola was piled on. It was delicious, although I probably could have gotten away with only eating half of it and been more than satisfied. Oh well, maybe now that birthday week is over, I'll stop gorging myself like a pug. It will be tough if I keep getting burgers of this quality, and such tasty fries.

Matt ordered the four-cheese garlic bread, which as awesome, and I also tried a new beer, which I'm sure you'd like to hear all about. So you can go read that if you haven't already. All around, a delightful meal.

-Jon

The Burger Before the Storm

Since there's already a ton of snow outside and we're projected to get more tonight, tonight might end up being the only chance at getting a grill out of the garage. Which is precisely what Dad did tonight.

Assuming we get anything close to the snow they're expecting overnight, today might have been the only full school day of the week. And of course I worked it, because I am terrible at being unemployed properly. Who would have thought it would be so tough. After that, it was time to finish birthday shopping (hey, if my brothers wanted their gift on their actual birthday, maybe they should have been born in a month without 2+ feet of snow), then continue to feed my addiction to launching birds at towers of pigs. Stupid pigs. Stop being so smug!

Today was also the day we learned that Dad's grill is now one of those temperamental grills that decides to cook different parts of the grill at different temperatures. Like mine! Four burgers went on and came off at the same time, and they ended up as one rare, one mostly rare, one 2/3 medium-rare and 1/3 medium (which was mine), and, unfortunately for Dad, one pretty well done. Come on grill, that ain't right.

We also had some sauteed mushrooms and onions, which were delightful. And also the standard Ruffles with jalapeño cheese dip. And a pickle! All around a delicious meal.

-Jon

Oh Right

I almost forgot that I have a burger blog since it's been nearly a full month since the last time I ate one. Which kind of makes me sad. Good thing I have that beer blog going so I at least have something to write about. I feel like such a slacker.

Kathryn, Sadie and I went out for a small lunch at The People's Pint before Kathryn's big birthday party extravaganza tonight. It's extra convenient because it's right around the corner from her house! There were several appealing items on the menu, but it didn't really matter because the only thing I could feel comfortable ordering was a burger after the absurdly long break. I also got a Pied pIPA since it was delightfully tasty the last time I got it.

The burger was a nice local patty with some cheddar cheese and lettuce. Apparently since tomatoes are not currently in season for the area (as the only thing in season right now is snow), they were not available as a topping. That is not a good start. The other thing I found a bit annoying was that the burger was really basic and every additional topping cost a premium price. I'm a cheap guy, and a $17 burger with the works seems a bit extreme to me.

All cheapness aside, the burger was cooked perfectly. Medium rare should be a little bit pink and juicy, and this burger was just that. Sadly, it wasn't as flavorful as I was expecting. I think the meat just needs some seasoning. And potato chips are not a good substitute for french fries. Just saying.

Overall, it wasn't a bad burger, but it wasn't one that I am itching to get again. Get some tomatoes and maybe some bacon and then we'll have something.

-Jon

Burgers Were the Bright Spot

Today started off ok, except that a certain pair of pugs wanted to get up earlier than I did. I was going to be subbing for a half day, and it was the second half, which meant I didn't have to get up at 6. Then I had a productive morning. I did some laundry, washed some dishes, neatened up my Pau Gasol-esque neckbeard, ate a breakfast sandwich and bacon. . . things were looking up. And then I went outside, and found yet another flat tire. How is this even possible!?

But luckily, dinner ended up being a cheeseburger and waffle fries. On a sidenote, what's the deal with waffle fries? How are they like a waffle? Waffles don't have holes in them, and waffle fries do. Case closed. Time to rename those bad boys. Since I did most of the work of coming up with the difficult idea to change the name, you're responsible for the easy part of deciding on what that name will be. I'll be expecting it by 2011. Thanks.

Back to the burger. Nice and rare, American cheese, lettuce and tomato. And barbecue sauce! Yeah, I threw a curveball in there today. And it was a pretty delicious one. If you've never substituted BBQ sauce for ketchup, give it a try sometime. It may rock your world.

Now I'm off to set up a webcam since someone is obviously sabotaging my precious automobile.

-Jon

That Was a Long Time

Wow, I haven't had a burger in a long time. Part of it might be due to the lack of grilling weather. Part of it might be due to my newfound love of burritos. And part of it is probably due to the fact that I am too lazy during the winter to try to find new places to go because I want to hibernate instead. But now I've finally gotten a chance to remedy this sad situation.

And of course the burger that broke the drought was the Blackjack burger from R.F. O'Sullivan's. I think I've probably mentioned this particular burger before, so I won't bore you with the details. It was super-rare (maybe a little too rare), had some kick-ass Blackjack sauce, and had tomato and onion just like I ordered. Not like that other time where I ordered tomato and onion and got lettuce as well. Stupid lettuce. No one wants you around!

The burger was quite delicious, as usual. There were also a whole huge pile of fries. Way more than usual. I am pretty sure I ate at least 1.5 potatoes during this meal. Hopefully all those fries will do their job and soak up any alcohol I consume later.

On another note, I was playing Trainyard on Alex's phone and figured out the solution to one of the super-hard bonus puzzles. So basically I am the man. Deal with that.

-Jon