Kim's Potential New Career?

Since lots of people were going to be around for Steve and Maura's Jack & Jill party Friday night, Jen scheduled a cookout for this afternoon. Actually, I was informed that Kim was actually the "organizer," except that she didn't plan the menu, or bring the beer, or do the cooking. Perhaps her idea to become an event planner should be put on hold temporarily.

Also, I won 3 raffle prizes at the Jack & Jill, bringing my total raffle prizes won lifetime to 4. The best prize was probably the grill plus friends set, which had a grill, grill tools, 22 spices, some towels, 2 cookbooks and possibly a couple other things that I forgot. I also won 2 beer-themed prizes. Score.

Now on to the cookout. I went with another triple-cheese burger, but I'm not sure which 3 cheeses it was this time. I am sure of American and provolone, but the 3rd one is a mystery. Last time it was Swiss cheese, but I don't think it was this time. My money is on cheddar. There was also tomato, which I was forced to cut using a paring knife. Have you ever tried cutting a tomato with a paring knife instead of something useful? I don't recommend it. Those slices were horribly uneven. I am actually a little embarrassed.

At least the burger was good. It seems that the more cheese options you have, the better the burger. I am pretty sure that there has to be a cap somewhere, because eventually there's going to be too much cheese. However, the limit is definitely not 3. I am excited to try the rarely mentioned quadruple-cheese burger in the near future.

Also, I was peer pressured into registering the name for Mmmm, Beers. You may be wondering why it's Mmmm, Beers and not Mmmm, Beer. Well, you can ask the douchebag who already took Mmmm, Beer and did absolutely nothing with it. Jerk. There's no beer-related content yet (as of this posting), but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Stay tuned for all sorts of drunken rambling. You'll probably want to bookmark it now.

-Jon

That's a Lot of Spying

I would say that today probably falls into the "not-very-productive" category. I think that possibly the only productive thing I did was to take a shower. So yeah, hooray showers.

USA was showing the entire season of Burn Notice, which seems to be a very popular show with my family. My brothers were watching it here, and then it was also on for the majority of the time when we went over to Dad and Kelly's. At one point I did manage to switch over and watch Harrison Ford abuse some Irish terrorists in Patriot Games, but that was short lived and the spy antics of Michael Westen soon returned. Also, the midseason finale was pretty good. Do you think Michael will survive? (Haha, spoilers are funny.)

Oh, I also ate a steak from Longhorn Steakhouse. Is that place under some kind of renovations? Hasn't it been there for a while? At any rate, it smelled like paint in there. But the steak was tasty, and the baked potato had a perfect amount of butter and sour cream. Maybe not quite as good as Texas Roadhouse, but there also wasn't a 3-hour wait.

And with lunch out of the way, it was back to Burn Notice and then time for burgers! Nothing too fancy, but there was bacon. Burger + Bacon > Burger. Always. That is an incontrovertible fact of burgers. And this burger was also delicious, since it was nice and medium rare. I always say, you need to have someone who understands that burgers shouldn't look like charcoal briquets manning the grill. Only weirdos like well done burgers, and you don't want weirdos at your house.

-Jon

The Tom Petty Concert

After months of anticipation, it was finally time for the Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers concert (featuring Crosby, Stills and Nash as the opening act)!! It was down at whatever they are calling the Meadows these days, which may be something along the lines of Comcast Theater. The concert itself was great, but it definitely reminded me why I stopped going to concerts at this particular venue. This may be true of all outdoor music theaters, but I find the douchebag percentages to be especially high here. Also, I plan on taking my shirt off next time I am at a concert, since apparently that is an appropriate thing to do.

Before the concert, we stopped to pick up Diana and other Jon since it would have been kind of silly to take two cars. Then we decided to get dinner at Chicago Sam's because food is an important part of my daily diet. And also because the concert wasn't for another 3 hours, and we would have been really early otherwise.

There wasn't much of a decision to be made here. The Black & Bleu burger seemed far more awesome than anything else on the menu. I have also determined the secret to the Blackjack Burger's deliciousness. The Blackjack sauce is good stuff, but it's the cajun blackened spices that they put on the burger that really makes it awesome. This burger was also blackened, and was also awesome. It was also cooked perfectly, which I appreciated. Finally, they have some kind of special fries here, so that's also cool. Well done in the burger department!

Not so well done in the wing department. We got some wings for an appetizer, and got half medium and half hot. Alright, I know this isn't Mmmm, Wings, but if you are calling your wings hot, then they had better make my tongue feel a little scorched afterwards. I could have eaten approximately infinity of these without a problem. Don't tell me you have hot wings and then bring me these disasters. And they were dry. Who likes dry wings? Come on Sam, step it up.

Then it was off to the concert. CSN went on right on time, and they played a bunch of stuff (including 3 of Kathryn's favorite songs, played in a row!) for about an hour. Also, David Crosby looks like a cartoon character, but I can't remember which one. Let's just go with Mr Magoo, except that Crosby's not bald.

After they finished, about 47 roadies came out to reset the stage for Tom & Co. This took forever. Like 45 minutes at least. You would have thought they might have practiced this sort of thing. Oh well, eventually it was time to rock. The band was awesome! But wow, white people should probably not dance anymore. I have permanent emotional scars now.

Also, buying a concert ticket does not actually make you part of the band, so maybe you shouldn't stand in front of Kathryn while playing air guitar for the first several songs. She's a nurse, so she could probably figure out a sneaky way to poison you or something. Just saying.

-Jon

Another New Creation

Apparently the yearly custom of celebrating Melissa's and my birthday concurrently has evolved into an annual tradition. This year saw the return of fantastic weather, the switching of a keg of Summer Ale for bottles, and at least 2 more dogs than last year. It also involved me not getting absurdly drunk, so I guess I really am a year older and more mature. That's kind of lame.

The big thing for this year is the creation of a new burger! I haven't come up with a name yet, but hopefully I will by the end of the post. This burger started off as one of those 40-in-a-box frozen travesties, but it evolved into so much more. First I put a slice of American cheese on it, because what's a burger without cheese? It's an embarrassment, that's what. Then I found 2 other kinds of cheese! The American cheese was quickly joined by the politically neutral Swiss cheese and the offensively greasy provolone cheese for a ménage à trois of cheesy goodness. For most people, that would be enough. However, I had been drinking a little, which means that I wasn't done yet.

There was a lovely little tray of taco dip (if you read last year's post, you may have seen that I enjoy taco dip a little bit), so I put some of that on top of the cheese orgy. Great decision. This burger was delightful. Next time you are at a barbecue with taco dip, put some on your burger. You will be glad you did it.

Perhaps the burger will be called the Triple Cheese Fiesta Burger. Something along those lines anyways.

-Jon

In Which I Mix Things Up

Since we didn't do the requisite R.F. O'Sullivan trip on Saturday, our Sunday lunch plans were pretty much set in stone. We couldn't let Erica's friends leave town without having arguably the best burgers in the state. That would just be terrible. The only question was when were we going to go over there. It turns out that 2:00 is a good time if you actually want a seat. I should mark this down for the future.

Since everyone is probably expecting that I will be talking about the Blackjack burger here, the next sentence may come as a bit of a surprise. I ordered the JD Burger instead! I don't want this thing to become too predictable, so I had to mix it up a little. And it was a good choice.

The JD Burger is a very close second to the Blackjack Burger in terms of Massachusetts Burger Greatness. If you don't like spicy stuff and can't handle the pure awesomeness of the Blackjack, you could probably order this burger and walk away fully satisfied. It's got some kick-ass BBQ sauce and cheese along with some standard burger toppings if you want them. Apparently you have to be very specific, because I ordered mine with tomato and onion, but I got this instead.

Call me crazy, but I am almost positive that tomato is not leafy and green. At least I got a bajillion onions, so I wasn't shortchanged there. And the burger was cooked perfectly. Check out all that sweet, sweet burger juice on the plate. That's what you're looking for in a burger. And that sauce was just great. I am surprised that I didn't know how awesome burgers with BBQ sauce were until recently. I guess you really do learn something new everyday.

-Jon

Let's See What I Can Remember

I am back on my bad streak of forgetting to take pictures of my burgers. Good thing I'm not getting paid for this, or else I might get fired from my own blog. That would be ironic.

The first burger of the day was surprisingly not from RF O'Sullivan. That is probably coming tomorrow, so just relax for a little. Change isn't that scary. Well it is for me, but you are more normal.

After my delightful evening at Foxwoods, I was off to Boston for a party. I met up with Alex and company (Erica and her friends Joe and Brenda) during their tour of the Freedom Trail, and we all went to Bell in Hand Tavern for lunch. I decided on the Sam Adams Burger (because anything else would have made me disappointed in myself) and sweet potato fries (because I thought it would be funny to mix things up). It had BBQ sauce, which I certainly hope had Sam Adams as an ingredient, bacon and probably swiss cheese. Or cheddar cheese with holes in it. What is this, Mmmm, Cheese? It was definitely cheese, so let's leave it at that.

What a delightful burger! That BBQ sauce was fantastic, and covered up the flavor of whatever cheese happened to be there. Sadly, this means that there is no easy way to figure out what cheese it actually was. If this thing ever hits the big time, I will have to be slightly more meticulous in my burger documentation. There was also an awesome pickle, which makes me feel worse about the ones I make. Obviously mine still need work. I can't be passing off second-rate pickles on people. The sweet potato fries weren't so good. They were super soggy, which isn't a good quality for fries. I ate them all anyway because I am a champion, and that's what champions do. In your face, crappy fries!!

Post-burger, we wandered around a little more and then eventually caught a taxi back to Alex's because that much walking is unhealthy. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that the more I walk around, the more likely I am to get hit by a car. We had a few beers, played some Guitar Hero, drank a few more beers and then headed out to the first SWC party that I've attended in a long time. I really don't want to type this, but in the interest of full disclosure I have to say that the theme of the party was Jersey Shore. It's so painful to admit that. I even got my Jersey Shore douche on and rocked a faux-hawk and popped collar. It was a real emotional punch in the crotch. I already have less faith in myself, so you don't need to remind me of this tragedy.

I actually ate another burger at the party, which was one of those surprise burgers that I didn't know was coming. Hooray! Surprise burgers are great!! I went with a burger, which was not one of those pre-frozen abominations, some cheese, tomato, onion and some kind of BBQ sauce that I forgot to identify. It was really good though. I know it definitely had a very elaborate name, but I doubt that knowing that fact would be enough to pick some up at a store. At any rate, the burger ended up being one of the higher quality barbecue burgers I've had in recent memory. Unfortunately, I've been drinking for an extended period of time and my recent memory has been severely compromised. That means that the burger could have been really crappy, and just been better than what I'm used to. That's sad. Oh well; those are the kind of results you get when I eat a lot of burgers in a short period of time while also consuming several alcoholic beverages.

Did I talk about both burgers yet? Hopefully I did, because I am done writing at this point. I hope this post is at least sort of entertaining. Or not. It's all good.

-Jon

The Burger's Just the Beginning

Today was a big day. And since there was a burger involved, you get to hear all about it.

We went out to lunch with Chris because he is not generally home and lunch seemed like a good way to acknowledge his presence. Despite my better judgment, we decided to go to Red Robin. Apparently my family loves that place. As previously promised, I ordered the Banzai Burger to test my new theory of "Meat and Fruit is not that bad." Admittedly, the theory's name could use some work. Give me a break though, as I am not really trying that hard.

The burger has some kind of teriyaki sauce along with slices of pineapple, which means it's like a shish-kebab in burger form. There is also lettuce, tomato and onion, because that seems to be the required topping for all of their burgers. Except for that one with mushrooms, because that would just be weird. I was surprised by how good it was. I probably shouldn't have been after trying that burger at James and Nicole's, but I was still skeptical. Well, call me a convert.

That burger was just the kickoff to a wild and crazy evening. After lunch, I packed up my stuff and got ready to head to the MGM at Foxwoods for the Beach Boys concert with Kathryn, Mom and Chuck. I think that would have been the last thing to ever occur 10+ years ago, but now I am all grown up so it's cool. For some reason, Google Maps decided that the best way to get there would be to go on Route 2, then get off of Route 2 for a little bit, and then immediately get back on Route 2. Jerks. We did end up getting to the hotel easily after that, with no major problems other than my newfound lack of respect for Google.

Alright, check into the hotel, change clothes and then off to MGM, right? Wrong! The hotel shuttle was actually a limo, so we got the last 4 spots and got ready to leave. The limo made it about 30 yards, to the end of the driveway, and then just died. Alright, new limo, and attempt 2. This time we actually made it. Hooray! Let's kill some time before the show.

Ok, so it turns out that Mom had never been to a casino before. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have her first experience be at the largest casino in the country. She looked like a country bumpkin, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I think she managed to survive mostly unscathed, only losing a couple bucks in the penny slots. How did I do? Hold on to that thought.

We decided to grab a snack before the show, so we went to the mini food court and ordered a couple slices of pizza. Since Foxwoods is the largest casino in the country, I am going to hand out some other awards for extremes. This pizza wins the "Greasiest Pizza Ever" award. It soaked right through the plate, and it was a plastic plate!! That may be an exaggeration, but only slightly. I actually feel a little sick just thinking about it.

After that, it was time for the show. It was really good, and it was packed. There were a couple funny people there. First was the super-excited lady in front of us who chair-danced for practically the entire show. Second is the girl was up in the front row who clearly loves attention because she kept dancing her way up to the stage and being gently escorted back to her seat. Finally, Mr No-Smile, who looked like that particular concert was the last place he wanted to be. I have never seen someone more miserable at their current location, and I teach math!!

After the show, we walked over to the actual Foxwoods building and played some games. I wasn't really planning on gambling, but the flashy lights on the slot machines drew me in. I played some game about smelly food called "Stinkin' Rich" or "Filthy Rich" or something along those lines because it's Kathryn's favorite. I didn't do very well. Stupid game. At that point I thought I was done, but I found a penny slot game called "Helen of Troy" and decided to give it one more go. After a few minutes, I got bored and moved to the next machine, which was "Golden Goose." You got bonuses for geese showing up or for getting gold eggs. This game was short-lived because every time a goose showed up, the game made an annoying honking sound. That can only go on for so long before I get fed up. Move another chair over. This game was called "Pompeii" and sucked donkey balls. I think I played for 3 minutes.

Alright, last chance Foxwoods. I'll give "Golden Gong" a try, because it almost sounds dirty. First spin, I get a couple gongs on the screen which are apparently good. The machine starts making crazy gong sounds, and I win like $4. That's actually a lot if you consider that it was a penny machine. Also, the second award of the night goes to this machine for "Loudest Slot Machine." Everything it did attracted attention from the people around me! I played for a while, got some more gongs, got some old Chinese guys on the screen which apparently double your prizes, you know how it goes. After a while, I start getting bored again and tell the game that I'm leaving if I don't start getting more gongs. Within 5 spins, I get a spin with 5 gongs. Bam, $200. I like it. I also get bonus spins for having multiple gongs and win another $70 or so. All in all, I walked in with $41 and walked out with $292.69. Hooray!!

I was definitely done at that point, as was everyone else, so we went back to our hotel. The final award of the night goes to our hotel for "Scariest Toilet." Every single time I flushed it, it was so loud that I thought I had broken something or possibly opened up a doorway to another dimension. That's just unnecessary.

It was a good day.

-Jon

Getting Silly with Condiments

I am not widely known for using condiments on my food. As you probably know, mayonnaise is expressly forbidden. That one is not negotiable. If I go out places, I will probably not be putting ketchup or mustard on my burger, but I may throw a little ketchup on there if I'm at a cookout. However, in the interest of expanding my burger eating (and potentially enjoyment), I have been trying to be a little more open-minded. If you want opinionated writing that doesn't try to be open-minded, you should be at the other site. Also, honey mustard!! Can't go wrong there.

I will not be changing my opinions of how disgusting mayonnaise is though. Not negotiable!!

It was burgers for dinner, so I decided to mix things up a little. The first burger was going to be sautéed onions, honey mustard and cheese, while the second was sautéed onions, mushrooms and cheese. That way, if the mustard did not go exactly as planned (like if it sucked), the whole meal would not be compromised.

It turns out that mustard is not a bad way to mix things up. It was actually really good. So good, in fact, that I added it to the second burger. That counts as a ringing endorsement here at Mmmm, Burgers. Who knows what kind of crazy stuff may find its way onto my burgers in the future.

I also got to try a new beer, I think. Maybe it wasn't new. It was definitely the first time I had it in a bottle though, so I'm counting it. Otter Creek Pale Ale. Good stuff, if you're a pale ale drinker. Apparently I am now. Looks like all sorts of changes are taking place.

-Jon