Happy Memorial Day

Well, technically Happy Day Before Memorial Day. That just doesn't have the same ring to it though.

And what shows your patriotism better than eating a cheeseburger? Probably a lot of things, but I chose to express myself through the consumption of a pair of burgers. Actually they were twins, and will be described in all their glory momentarily.

Chris and Lindsay were around for the weekend, and Kate and the pugs were invited as well, so there was a whole lot of wackiness going on. Specifically as a result of Odin and Patches. Those two are crazy! Odin will probably be exhausted for the next 48 hours. The menu was burgers and hot dogs, along with Bill's baked beans, some pasta salad and I believe regular salad, although there wasn't nearly enough room on my plate for everything. I decided to focus on burgers and beans.

My burgers were both made with onions inside, and topped with bacon under cheddar and American cheese and served on a bun with sauteed mushrooms and onions. That is a hefty burger, and I easily could have been more than satisfied with just one of them. I decided to eat 2 though, which meant that by the end, my stomach was approximately 40% larger than its normal size and if you had poked me with anything sharp, I would have flown around the room like a cartoon. Luckily that did not happen.

That was a nice day.

-Jon

I Used to Eat More Burgers...

I don't eat nearly enough of them these days.

But I did eat one today! And that is cause for celebration. Or at least cause for a post.

After a long day of being a PE substitute and telling pugs to stop barking at dogs/cats/people/birds/things-in-their-minds-that-aren't-really-there-but-they-bark-at-anyways, a burger seemed like just the thing for dinner. Especially after I saw them in the fridge and predicted that they would be cooked soon thereafter.

This one was cooked perfectly! It was pink like a salmon, and I think there might have been two slices of cheese. And there was bacon! And BBQ sauce. Oh man, I wish I was eating another one right now. There was also some fries on the side along with potato chips and some delicious cheddar and bacon dip. What a delightful dinner!

-Jon

In Which James Outdoes Himself

Long time readers of this fantastic blog may remember that James made some pretty elaborate burgers a couple years ago. Well, he was back at it this weekend in the sequel to those burgers.

I had a pretty rough day working at a track meet where we were threatened by a thunderstorm, resulting in a pretty lame 30-minute delay as required by law, followed by some sideways rain. However, that pales in comparison to the Tough Mudder that James, Jen, Adam and about 5000 other people decided to subject themselves to up at Mount Snow. I didn't hear all the details, but I know it involved 10 miles of running/jogging/dragging your mutilated body along, getting shocked, swimming in ice water, climbing several consecutive 12-foot high walls, and carrying logs. Those people are nuts.

And then, after all that, James cooked food for us. What a nice guy. Also, there was bacon. Seriously, who doesn't like bacon? I mean, aside from Lindsay...

Yeah, that's my burger. Check out the volume of bacon on this thing! I got my serving of bacon, and I also got Lindsay's bacon because she wasn't going to eat it. There's also a slice of tomato and some red onion under the burger and pepperjack cheese on top. Can't go wrong with that combination.

I think that these burgers were even more delicious than the last ones. However, that could be because I was slightly wasted last time and my taste buds were not at their peak functioning. Regardless, these burgers were fantastic, and some of the best I've had in recent memory.

-Jon

Bacon Makes Everything Better

I don't know how I forgot to write about this, but with the nice feature of being able to date posts whenever I feel like it, no one will ever know in the future that this was delayed by a few days.

Chuck had gotten some high-quality ground beef from... Arnold's maybe to make delicious burgers. I don't care what anyone says; getting fresh ground beef and making your own patties is always better than getting pre-made ones. Even those pre-made ones with all sorts of fancy things inside.

These ones came out quite delicious. And combined with the onions I sauteed, some bacon, and some raw onion slices, the burgers were so good that they didn't even need any condiments. Yup, I went for the rarely seen double-onion approach to my burger. I do not recommend that on a date, unless you are lucky enough to date someone without a working nose. Or someone who is super easygoing. Good luck with that!

-Jon

It's April's Theme!

This makes 2 consecutive burgers with food hidden inside the burger. Last time it was onions, and this time it was bacon. I frequently find that with a bacon cheeseburger, the bacon is very difficult to keep on top of the burger. Putting it inside the burger seems like the perfect solution.

After a cold day of track and field on Saturday, I turned in early in preparation for a much less cold day of volleyball in Cambridge today. And since Cambridge is right next to Somerville, it offered a nice opportunity to have a delicious cheeseburger for dinner with Alex and Erica. In a testament to the awesomeness of driving in the metro area, the place I was officiating was 2.5 miles from Alex and Erica's apartment, but it still took me about 20 minutes of travel time. At that pace, a guy could run the Boston Marathon before I could travel the same distance by car. Eastern Massachusetts is ridiculous.

In accordance with Erica's wishes, we went to R.F. O'Sullivan's for dinner, and I got something called the Bacon-ATTOR. I don't know why the last part was in all caps, and I definitely don't know why it needed two T's. As shown in the picture below, I got it with tomato and onion. Not shown in the picture is the fact that I actually only received tomato because my onions were on Erica's burger. Also not shown is that they forgot all of Alex's toppings. Clearly they had put in the bench players for the Sunday performance.

The good news is that the Bacon-ATTOR is delicious, especially with American cheese. I can safely put it on the recommended list of burgers, which is starting to get pretty long. Oh well. I would say that it's better to have too many good burgers than not enough.

-Jon

Inside the Burger?

Onions are a delicious topping for a cheeseburger, because onions are great. To make things even easier to eat, you can get the onions inside the ground beef so that they won't try to escape from the bun, as onions are frequently apt to do. They're very sneaky that way.

So obviously I told you that lovely onion info because that's what kind of burger I got to eat for dinner. Chuck also whipped up some of the now famous garlic mushrooms, along with some sauteed onions. Basically it was a heaping pile of the most aromatic foods you can get, turned into a delicious burger. It's also the last thing you should ever eat if you happen to be out on a first date. It would probably be ok after like 10 dates, because at that point you can generally stop trying to impress the other person. For the record, I stop trying on date #1. Isn't Kate lucky to have me?

That burger was quite delicious, and I think it was helped by the fact that it was accompanied by tater tots cooked to crispy perfection. And also salad, which made me feel like less of a fat slob. What a delightful meal.

-Jon

It's Because I'm Brave

Most people who have a bad food experience avoid that location like the plague, but not me. For instance, I might go right back within a month. And I'll go back again, because I'm just that kind of guy. By which I mean "stupid."

Oh well, so bet it.

We went out to dinner at Red Robin, which marks the first trip there of 2011. But probably not the last, although maybe it will be since Judie's is clearly higher rated by the family. At any rate, I obviously chose to eat a burger since it's a burger place and ordering anything else seems kind of silly. Like going to a non-classy bar and ordering wine. Or going to a regular bar and ordering wine. Knock it off, weirdo.

I decided on the A1 Peppercorn Burger because it seemed like I hadn't ever had it and also posted about it. It had some bacon, pepperjack cheese, tomatoes, onion "straws" and whatever A1 Peppercorn sauce is. I don't want to find out because it's probably something mayonnaise based and if I know there's mayo, I'll probably never be able to eat it again. And I might hold you personally responsible for ruining the fantasy world I've set up for myself in my mind. The burger didn't quite look like the picture, but it was pretty close. You can be the judge. The bun looks a little strange because it's an onion bun.

I am a fan of the onion bun. It's a different flavor, and I like it. Also the burger itself was pretty good. It was also ridiculously huge, and I foolishly consumed the entire thing. At least I was smart enough to leave some of the fries behind, so I didn't end up feeling like someone inflated my stomach like a cartoon with a helium tank. And thus far, I don't feel sick either. I'm thinking that was a one-time only event.

-Jon

Happy St. Patrick's Day (Road Race)

In my many years on this planet (or any planet really), I had never once been a part of the road race in Holyoke in any capacity. Well, I can now check off that drunken mess from my to-do list. If you are wondering, I did not run, unlike Maura and Jen, who are overachievers. Mostly because I'm lazy, but also because my foot is still screwed up. And it's a 10K, which is far too many K's for me. Sign me up for a 1K and we'll go from there.

They were selling food there, and since I was going to be drinking many beers throughout the course of the afternoon, I figured it might be a good idea to eat some of said food. One of the options was cheeseburgers, and, like some sort of lobotomy patient who doesn't have a working brain, I decided that this would be a good choice. It was not. I should have followed Steve's lead and gotten a sausage grinder. Those are much harder to screw up. But sadly I got a lame burger with the cheese not even melted on it and no topping options. Luckily I had a large complement of Bud Lights to soften the blow.

Now you might be wondering why there is no mention of these Bud Lights over at Mmmm, beers! After all, it is a beer. The reason is that there is no possible way you are going to convince me that Bud Light is delicious, and thus I would not be saying "mmmm" while drinking a Bud Light. Sadly, this means it, along with its brethren Coors Light, Miller Lite, et al, will not ever be featured on that prestigious site. Actually, that's not sad. Do you really want to read about that stuff? Don't answer that, because if the answer is yes, then I hate you.

Also, Melissa dumped a beer into my coat pocket because she is scared of police officers. Except for when she throws snowballs at them in downtown Springfield. That girl is a menace.

-Jon

Rye Bread?

I'm not sure what you're trying to pull here, Northampton Brewery, but I'll play your game. Burgers are usually supposed to go on buns, but if you want to to mix things up, I'll let it slide. However, if it's not working, I'll be calling you out on it. And then all 3 people who read this will know. Your move.

Dianna and Kate were going to the bulb show in Northampton and were also getting lunch first. Now, being a licensed hetero, I had pretty much zero interest in the bulb show. But I'm always down for an opportunity to go eat a cheeseburger! Especially at a brew pub, which will presumably offer me a chance at a new beer. And it did!!

We went to the Northampton Brewery, which is not on the main road and often gets overlooked by silly people like me. I believe that the last time I was there I got the Blackened Blue Burger, so this time I forced myself to mix things up with the Patty Melt. It's got Swiss cheese, onions and mushrooms, so in theory it must be delicious. It's also got Reuben dressing, but that kind of stuff is not for me. Oh, and it comes on marble rye bread.

Just in case you can't tell from the first picture, they did a magnificent job of cooking it correctly. Check out that pink center!

That's what a burger should look like. None of that well done crap.

Overall, it was pretty good, although the burger itself needed a little more flavor. Without the cheese and onions and mushrooms, it just tasted like boring old ground beef. Toss some pepper or salt on there before it hits the grill! The important thing is, the rye bread was a successful bread choice. Well played, Brewery. Also, their fries are delicious! In the sad news department, it turns out that just because the menu says "Irish Fare All Day," it doesn't mean that you can get the lamb stew all day. That really ruins your lunch plans if you're Kate.

But then we got ice cream, and everything was great.

-Jon

The Burger Triplets

Now, eating 3 burgers sounds like a lot, but they were sliders so it's not really as much as it would originally seem. Still probably more than I needed to eat though. I will have to skip a meal tomorrow.

Chuck got a bunch of mini-burgers (aka "sliders," although I am not sure I understand the name) to grill up tonight, so I signed on for 3 of them. I think a better idea would have been to have 2 of them, especially since I also ate an absurd amount of baked beans. Obviously that part of my brain that recognizes when my stomach is full was on break for dinner tonight.

There were also mini-buns, which made me feel sort of like a giant. And we had some sweet toppings, like garlic mushrooms, sauteed onions and cheese. There was BBQ sauce too, but somehow I failed to notice it until my third burger, at which point I threw it on there anyway. When you're going overboard, you might as well go all the way. Don't half-ass it.

The burgers were good, and I learned a valuable lesson: just because they're little, don't try to eat three of them. This isn't Man vs. Food.

-Jon

Reservations?

We don't take no stinkin' reservations!! That's actually the unofficial motto of Judie's, which meant that we had to wait quite a while for a table for 8. But eventually we did get a table and a delicious burger was soon to follow. And 2 new beers!

As a side note, I did another classic Jon parking job on that street in Amherst off the main street. And by classic I mean that I was at least a foot off the curb even though I had more than enough room to park correctly. That's just how I get down. Seriously, ask anyone.

Once we finally got our table, I was torn between the burger I got last time and the Cheddar, Onion & Bacon burger. I eventually decided on the latter since it was new. Or maybe not, but definitely new to 2011, and that's good enough for me! I was also torn between 2 different beers, but that's a story for another webpage. Also, I ended up not having to choose since I got both!!

They did not skimp on the onions on this burger. It also seemed to have a lot of cheese, and the standard 2 pieces of bacon. It was kind of a train-wreck in appearance though. See?

Regardless of how it looked, it was delicious! And it was cooked just the way I wanted it, which makes my tummy happen. Those fries are also pretty ridiculous. Seems like Judie has got this burger thing down pat.

-Jon

Twice the Cheese, Twice the Fun

After what was, for me, a relatively long and exhausting day, it was exciting to find out that dinner was going to be cheeseburgers. And there were 2 choices of cheese! Since I couldn't choose between provolone and American, I decided to go with both. This turned out to be a delicious decision, and was seconded by Dad.

This time around, the grill was more cooperative than it was for the last round of burgers. Everything was grilled to burger perfection, except for Kelly's well done mess. But since that's how she likes them, I guess that counts as perfection still, no matter how painful it is to see.

In other news, BBQ sauce is rapidly ascending the list of top condiments. Not that there's really a lot of competition considering that I don't really use any other condiments not named ketchup. But BBQ sauce is clearly better than ketchup since they both have tomato bases (sort of), but BBQ sauce takes things in a much more awesome direction.

I wasn't really very focused while I was writing this, so let's sum things up real quick at the end. Multiple kinds of cheese are better than just one, it's nice when the grill does what it's supposed to, and BBQ sauce is delicious. Write that down.

-Jon

This Might Be Something New

It is possible that the last time I went to R.F. O'Sullivan's fine burger establishment was in 2010. That's a little bit sad.

Fortunately, tonight offered another chance to eat a deliciously huge ball of meat since Alex's friends Adam and Jess were in town and have never been there. Obviously he is a bad host. That sad situation has since been rectified, and I even tried possibly a brand new burger. However, I am starting to think that I have had this burger before. This is quite the conundrum.

Whether it's new or not, I ordered the Out of the Blu Burger, which is both stuffed with blue cheese and has blue cheese on top. It's recommended by the owner (who is a crazy person) to try it with bacon, so I did. I don't want to mess with crazy people. For once, I ordered it with tomato and onion and actually got tomato and onion! Sorry lettuce, you just aren't that great. Check this thing out!

You can ignore those Coronas in the background because Corona is gross and they're obviously not mine. Focus on the ridiculous size of this burger! And those massive "fries," which are just giant potato wedges served at the temperature of molten lava. Still tasty though.

To give you an idea of the cheesiness of the burger, I tried to get a picture with the cheese oozing out. Unfortunately, it just looks like the burger is bleeding white blood. But the burger is cooked properly, so it's got that going for it. Which is nice.

That brings today's list of positive things up to: ate a delicious burger, worked a fun volleyball tournament, drank some beers. And in the negative column: drove way too many miles and might have destroyed the inside of my foot. Unless feet are supposed to be puffy, purple, and 150° to the touch. Stupid feet.

-Jon

How Did That Take So Long?

Paradise City Tavern in Northampton has a special every weekday from 4:00 - 5:30 where you can get a beer, a burger and fries for $6.95. Yet somehow I had never taken advantage of this, probably because that's kind of early for dinner. But it's not too early if you skip lunch! Thus, this terrible burger injustice has been righted.

The only downside is that the beer choices are Narragansett, Boston Lager and Hibernation Ale. Actually the second two choices are good, but Narragansett is terrible. It's even terrible as a Trivia Night beer, and at Trivia Night my standards are pretty low. Ignoring that sad fact, it turns out that the Hibernation Ale is pretty terrific. It's also only a winter beer, so hopefully they will have something equally delicious for a spring choice.

For the burger deal, the only option is the standard burger, which comes with lettuce, tomato and onion. Cheese is an extra dollar, which is ridiculous because you can get like 30 slices of cheese for $5 at the deli. Talk about a ridiculous markup. I went with gouda since a burger without cheese is a travesty. It looks pretty good.

For some reason, they decided that the burger needed a charred outer coating, which is a simply ridiculous notion. Who would want a charred burger. More impressive is the fact that they charred the outside without making the inside into a disaster. It's like a tale of two burgers. The outside was a gross mess, but the inside was nice and tasty. I am torn by this state of affairs. I guess I would say that overall, the burger was ok.

Also, the gouda was delicious. Don't sleep on the gouda.

-Jon

Three Down, 47 To Go

I can now check off Connecticut in my quest to finish Food Network's 50 States, 50 Burgers list before the link dies. Or they come up with a new list. Or, at this rate, all the cows on the planet go extinct. It's taking me a really long time to do this list, which is probably because I hate driving and that's a major component of getting to other states.

Connecticut's contribution to the list is the steamed cheeseburger at Ted's Restaurant down in Meriden. They've got 3 little steaming cabinets where raw meat goes in and rectangles of burger come out. They also steam their cheese (probably cheddar if my tongue is correct), which makes it super gooey and extra tasty. There's like 10 different topping options, but I kept it simple with just tomato and sauteed onions. Kathryn, on the other hand, went with everything but the sauteed onions. That includes gross mayonnaise. I think hers in the one in the middle, and mine is on the right.

Once the cheese gets on it, things start to get serious. There's pretty much an equivalent amount of cheese as beef, which is a lot of cheese.

Ted's doesn't serve normal fries, but they do serve home fries. And you can get them with cheese. Which I did. I think I ate 3 weeks' worth of cheese in a single meal.

Sadly, there were so many home fries that I couldn't eat them. That cheese is really filling! The burger was pretty good, but I need to get some additional toppings next time. Specifically bacon. A little bit of saltiness would have been perfect. But definitely no mayo! Silly Kathryn.

-Jon