Burgers Were the Bright Spot

Today started off ok, except that a certain pair of pugs wanted to get up earlier than I did. I was going to be subbing for a half day, and it was the second half, which meant I didn't have to get up at 6. Then I had a productive morning. I did some laundry, washed some dishes, neatened up my Pau Gasol-esque neckbeard, ate a breakfast sandwich and bacon. . . things were looking up. And then I went outside, and found yet another flat tire. How is this even possible!?

But luckily, dinner ended up being a cheeseburger and waffle fries. On a sidenote, what's the deal with waffle fries? How are they like a waffle? Waffles don't have holes in them, and waffle fries do. Case closed. Time to rename those bad boys. Since I did most of the work of coming up with the difficult idea to change the name, you're responsible for the easy part of deciding on what that name will be. I'll be expecting it by 2011. Thanks.

Back to the burger. Nice and rare, American cheese, lettuce and tomato. And barbecue sauce! Yeah, I threw a curveball in there today. And it was a pretty delicious one. If you've never substituted BBQ sauce for ketchup, give it a try sometime. It may rock your world.

Now I'm off to set up a webcam since someone is obviously sabotaging my precious automobile.

-Jon

That Was a Long Time

Wow, I haven't had a burger in a long time. Part of it might be due to the lack of grilling weather. Part of it might be due to my newfound love of burritos. And part of it is probably due to the fact that I am too lazy during the winter to try to find new places to go because I want to hibernate instead. But now I've finally gotten a chance to remedy this sad situation.

And of course the burger that broke the drought was the Blackjack burger from R.F. O'Sullivan's. I think I've probably mentioned this particular burger before, so I won't bore you with the details. It was super-rare (maybe a little too rare), had some kick-ass Blackjack sauce, and had tomato and onion just like I ordered. Not like that other time where I ordered tomato and onion and got lettuce as well. Stupid lettuce. No one wants you around!

The burger was quite delicious, as usual. There were also a whole huge pile of fries. Way more than usual. I am pretty sure I ate at least 1.5 potatoes during this meal. Hopefully all those fries will do their job and soak up any alcohol I consume later.

On another note, I was playing Trainyard on Alex's phone and figured out the solution to one of the super-hard bonus puzzles. So basically I am the man. Deal with that.

-Jon

I'm a Friend of Harpoon

Kathryn and I went to the Greenfield Grille for a Harpoon-sponsored event featuring one of their special 100 Barrel Series beers, the Glacier Harvest '10 Wet Hop Ale. I didn't write anything down about it, so there won't be any new stuff over at Mmmm, beers! about it. Sorry dudes!

I did get a burger though! It was The Grille Burger, which claimed to be a hand-formed burger with cheese, lettuce, tomato and red onion. And there were cheese choices! I went with cheddar, just to mix things up a bit. There were also fries and cole slaw, but I didn't eat the slaw because cole slaw is gross. The burger looked pretty good though.

Sadly, it did not live up to its appearance. First of all, there was not actually any red onion. Don't promise me red onion and fail to deliver! It makes me very sad. Also, while the burger was not overcooked, the outside was a little burnt, and the whole thing was a little dry. Dry burgers = not so tasty burgers.

After we ate, we hung out for the Harpoon stuff, and got free keychain bottle openers! And then Kate won a t-shirt, and I won a fleece vest!! It was a pretty sweet event, all things considered. Too bad about the burger though.

-Jon

Another Burger Already

It looks like November is also off to a fast start for burgers. We'll see if it lasts.

After burgers for dinner last night, there was a rapid turnaround resulting in more burgers tonight! This time they were at Dad and Kelly's house, and there were different burger decorations. We had lettuce, tomato and sautéed onions for them. Sadly, I don't have any interesting stories or pictures to add, so this post is quickly heading for its conclusion.

The burgers were good, but they were overcooked by Dad's standards. It wasn't really a big deal though, because they were still juicy. And they were gigantic, which made them look silly on a small bun. Bill somehow managed to eat all of one piece of the bun before he had finished his burger, which I just don't understand. It's a mystery!

-Jon

Twins!

After such a promising start, it ended up that October had the fewest burgers consumed of all the months so far this year. It also looks like I'm going to be eating fewer burgers this year than last year. Does that mean this trend will continue until I don't eat any burgers and then start eating negative burgers? Only time will tell. I certainly hope not, as those negative burgers sound scary.

Chuck wanted to grill up some burgers, so that sounded like a delightful plan to me. I added my extensive talents to the mix and chopped up a couple onions and tomatoes while he sautéed some mushrooms and got bacon in the microwave. The end result was this:

It's like a burger and its clone! I tried out my developing theory that putting all the toppings underneath the burger makes the whole thing easier to eat, so there are 3 slices of bacon at the bottom, with tomato slices, onions and mushrooms on top of that base. I think that I had fewer escaped toppings with this method, so more research is going to be needed for confirmation. Also, I need to account for variables such as burger juiciness and bun type. I guess I'm going to have to eat a lot more burgers in the future.

Oh, and they came out delicious.

-Jon

It's Like a Time Warp

But not like that really weird song from whatever movie it was in that some group of seniors did a wacky dance to in one of the Senior Shows, possibly '06. Yeah, that was a strange opening to this post.

Kathryn and I went back to the Gill Tavern, much as I stated I would do given the opportunity. Unfortunately, we were unable to get a table this time. However, we were able to sit at the bar, which means we didn't drive the whole 15 minutes to get there for nothing. Sitting at the bar has the added advantage of letting us talk to the cook/chef, which possibly got us our food faster. I am not sure if there is a difference between a cook and a chef, but I bet there is and I bet it's related to those awesome hats the Swedish Chef wears.

I obviously went with the burger again, but this time I got bacon on it in addition to my cheddar cheese, lettuce, tomato and onion. I also got more Pied pIPA, even though my glass clearly says "Farmer Brown" on it. See? I made a point of turning the pint glass so that you could see the false advertising.

This time I made sure to let the meat juice soak into the bun before I started eating it, and it made all the difference. The burger was cooked nicely again, although Kathryn noticed that it wasn't perfectly pink like last time. It was still pretty pink, and it was nice and juicy, which is all that really matters. That's the real reason I don't like well-done burgers: they are just way too dry. Well, that and they taste like charcoal mixed with feet.

There was no apple crisp this time, so we passed on dessert and then went home so I could drink my nice bottle of Lefty's Irish-Style Stout while listening to the calming snores of two sleepy pugs. What a life.

-Jon

I Am a Pig

After last night's rehearsal dinner, where I may have spent a good deal of my time drinking too much white wine, we went back to the hotel for a nice little gathering. Well, not so much little as "too big for hotel security's liking." It was also a roaming party whose location moved across a few different rooms. So the end result was that maybe I had a couple extra cocktails over the amount I should have had.

And the end result of that is that I was not really in the mood for breakfast during the 7-10am window that the hotel had its complimentary continental breakfast. But I was in the mood for breakfast at noon. Unfortunately, I did not have a car and I did not have any idea where to go. Cue Melissa! Melissa had both a car and a phone that let me shake it until it told me places to eat in the immediate area. And then somehow I messed that up by picking a place and then forgetting what I had picked, which meant that even though it was my choice, breakfast was a surprise to me.

We went to a place called Raff's, and I got the grilled meatloaf special. Yup, apparently meatloaf is an appropriate breakfast food. Hey, it worked for me.

Now, I told you that story so I could tell you this one, since that first part isn't burger related at all. You would think that a big meatloaf breakfast would be enough until the wedding, but nope. About 2 hours later, it was time for lunch. This time, I was ready for a burger. Kathryn didn't care where we went as long as she didn't have to drive, so I decided to go to a restaurant we had passed that morning called Archie's Place.

Sadly, my phone was being disagreeable and had not maintained its charge, so I couldn't take a picture of the giant burger that I ordered. I got the Chili Cheeseburger, which obviously had chili and shredded cheese on top of the huge burger. There was also lettuce, tomato and onion, presumably because there needed to be some kind of vegetable to go along with the absurd amount of meat.

The burger was good, but not great. I am not sure how it happened, but the inside of the burger was cooked perfectly medium rare, and the outside was burnt a little. That's just weird. Other than that, the rest of the meal was good. This place also gave me a giant pile of fries, and they were pretty good. Just far too numerous. On the downside, our waitress kind of sucked. Chances are that if you don't really like people, a customer service-related job is probably not the one for you.

Now it's time to get ready for the actual wedding, where I will presumably eat another giant meal. Congratulations, Steve and Maura!

-Jon

A Fun Time in the Rain

With Steve and Maura's rehearsal dinner scheduled for Friday night, it was time to head out east to get ourselves situated at the world's most hidden Comfort Suites. Since Kathryn was working, I rode up with Beth, Mike and Jimmy in what can only be described as "The Biggest Mistake Beth Has Ever Made." I don't think that she will ever be willing to drive the 3 of us anywhere in the near future. Especially not on a long trip in the rain.

Some time around Worcester, we needed to stop so that Mike could pee, Beth could get coffee and Jimmy could throw up in the parking lot at Barnes & Noble. And I got a hot chocolate, because I didn't want to get left out. In case you were wondering, the Barnes & Noble in Random Shopping Plaza, Worcester looks a lot nicer than the one near the Holyoke Mall. You know, minus the vomit in the parking lot.

As we were leaving, Mike and I noticed that there was a Five Guys in roughly the same plaza, so we stopped there (since it's supposed to be pretty good) instead of going to McDonald's (since it's gross). I was glad, because I was super hungry and also have been told on numerous occasions that I need to go there. Well, this trip fixed both of those issues.

The first thing I thought when I walked in was that this place is a lot like In-N-Out Burger. That's probably because they have a similar ordering system and a whole lot of red around the place. I decided to get the Bacon Cheeseburger, since you have to go all out on your first trip to a new place. I also wanted to get a good idea of how the burger itself is, so I only got tomato, grilled onions and jalapeños for toppings. They have a whole bunch of other toppings as well, but I didn't want to overdo things.

Pleasant surprise number 1: the burgers are automatically double cheeseburgers. I was not expecting that. Pleasant surprise number 2: these things come with an incredibly large amount of cheese. There was cheese everywhere!! Pleasant surprise number 3: the jalapeños are the bright green fresh ones, not the olive green jarred ones. That's some good stuff right there.

The burger was great! I am glad there is another Five Guys fairly close by so that I can go again and try some crazy new burger combination. They also give you way more fries than any normal person needs to try to eat in one sitting. I didn't find the fries to be that delicious though, so having 3 servings worth of them wasn't a major selling point with me. I'll stick to just the giant burger next time.

-Jon

Better Luck This Time

After our last attempt to visit the Gill Tavern failed miserably and resulted in my cheese-less cheeseburger, Kathryn and I decided to give it another go. This time was much more successful, and resulted not only in a tasty burger, but also a delicious new beer. It's win-win!

The Gill Tavern is super tiny, so it's probably a good idea to call ahead or go on a non-popular dinner night like Wednesday. That way you might actually get a table. Kathryn told me that it used to be a general store long ago, so it looks like a little house. Except that it's a house with a giant kitchen and a bar. So it's like a Portuguese house.

I decided to get the Grilled Local Beef Burger, with cheddar cheese. Luckily, it actually came with cheese, so I won't have to flip out. See? Clearly there is cheese here.

There's also lettuce, tomato and onion. And some kind of weird roll. The roll wasn't great, but the rest of the burger was delicious. Actually, the roll almost ruined things for me until the juice from the burger soaked into it. Then it became pretty good. The burger was also cooked nicely, with a lovely pink color. There were also delicious fries, although they called them potato wedges. And they claimed they were roasted, so I guess they weren't technically fries. It doesn't matter; the point is, the burger and "potato wedges" were both great.

Then we had apple crisp for dessert. It was also pretty good. Overall, the Gill Tavern is a place I would visit again. If I can get a table.

-Jon

Another One Bites the Dust?

As we are rapidly approaching Steve and Maura's wedding, the time had come for that ever-present male ritual of the bachelor party. For this one, the plan was to go down to Foxwoods (which actually ended up changing to going down to Mohegan Sun, which is ok because they are really close to each other). And once we got down there, it was very clearly time for dinner, because by the time we got to Mohegan Sun, my entire day's food consumption was 1 plum and 4 beers. You can tell this is the beginning of an epic night.

But you don't get to read about it, because if you aren't part of the bachelor party, then the events of the bachelor party technically never happened. Or if you're Steve's cousin, Jimmy, who may have blacked out in which case he really doesn't know what happened.

We had dinner at Margaritaville because that's where Steve wanted to go, and he was in charge of the decision making. Remembering my last trip to a Margaritaville (which was in Las Vegas), I knew NOT to get the Cheeseburger in Paradise because I would only be disappointed. Instead, I decided on the Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburger. Actually, a lot of us decided on that one. It was easily the most popular meal choice.

And it was delightful! That was some good BBQ sauce, and there was quite a bit of bacon. And, probably most importantly, it was actually medium rare. Perfectly cooked, I would say. And they also have good fries.

After dinner, I lost some money playing various games, and then sat in the racebook yelling at horses and drinking for free. I would say that it was a good night.

-Jon

Home Cooking Is the Solution

The solution to what? To not having the cheese left off your burger. Because that is truly an almost unforgivable offense. Sort of like being a Jets fan.

It was burger night over at Mom and Chuck's, and they were burgers hand-made out of ground beef. That's generally going to give you the best burger, although I think they need to be seasoned a little more before they hit the grill. I put a little bit of garlic salt on them, but it wasn't quite enough. I'll be tweaking my seasoning attempts whenever people aren't paying attention over there, which is frequently.

The burgers came out nicely, with a lovely pink hue. And, far more importantly, mine had cheese on it! And also onions and tomatoes. But the main focus is the cheese. This blog could have been more appropriately titled Mmmm, cheeseburgers, but that was too long. We also had tater tots like it was middle school, fries, salad and zucchini. One of those things definitely does not fit in with the rest of the meal.

For the humourous part of this story, Odin had to spend the meal outside on the deck being sad because he doesn't know how to behave himself around Patches. He's like Jojo the Indian circus boy with a pretty new pet. And Chloe spent part of it sitting on the single step up into the kitchen, and crying because apparently it was too high for her to climb down. Pugs: nature's joke.

-Jon

Seriously?

Since we couldn't go to the restaurant we planned on going to for dinner because apparently having 7 tables isn't enough on a Friday night, Kathryn and I went to Hope and Olive instead, already knowing that they have good food. And also knowing that they have a good selection of beers on tap, which meant that I could try something new. There was plenty of time to savor a new beer too, because this place was also packed. However, they have a more normal number of tables, so the wait was only 30 minutes instead of an hour and 45 minutes.

I had intended on eating something different, but eventually I ended up going with the burger because it's been a while since I've had one. Tonight I chose cheddar cheese, tomato, onion and avocado as my toppings. That doesn't seem like an especially complicated burger, so at no point in time did I expect them to screw it up.

Boy, was I wrong.

They forgot the cheese. They. Forgot. The. Cheese! That's literally the most important part of a cheeseburger!! I've eaten burgers that were burger, cheese, bun and that's it, and they've been enjoyable. The cheese is key. Do you see any cheese here?

No. No cheese. Also, and this is a distant second in things to complain about, the burger was cooked right but somehow still really dry. I am not sure how a burger can be medium rare and also be dry, but they pulled it off. That's not nearly as disappointing as the missing cheese thing though.

On the plus side, the fries at this place are fantastic, and you get approximately 14 lbs of them. Avocado is also a delicious addition to a burger. I thought I had said that before, but it wasn't a tag yet so I can't go back and figure out whether or not it's the case. Well, it's not so much "can't" as "won't," but I'm not going to split hairs here. Oh, and they have good pickles. Sadly, they only give you 3 little slices instead of the number I want, which is like 25.

I won't write Hope and Olive off completely, since I have had a fantastic burger there before. I am going to put them on notice though. Another incident like tonight, and they are off the dinner rotation. That's a pretty serious threat coming from a guy without a full-time job, let me tell you.

-Jon

A Missed Opportunity

I'll be kicking myself for this later.

Also, this will not be a long story.

We had burgers and chouriça for dinner at Dad and Kelly's tonight, and I didn't think of making a chouriça burger until after I had already eaten. That would have been a crazy burger! It would have also been huge, which people seem to like nowadays in their burgers. I was somewhere (maybe HCC?) and they had a poster showing the average size of a meal at a restaurant next to what would actually be considered a serving size, and the "real" serving size was like half of what you'd expect. That is probably not good for the health of America. It could also explain why I'm fat.

Sadly, the chouriça burger will have to wait until some mysterious future date. Someone will probably have to remind me about this idea next time it becomes an option, because there is a 99.99% chance that I'm going to forget. Kind of like I continually forget to take pictures of my burgers. Tonight's burger was good though. It deserved a picture just because it was cooked nicely. I really need to start writing myself little notes, since apparently I am already suffering from the symptoms of old age.

What was I saying?

-Jon

Kim's Potential New Career?

Since lots of people were going to be around for Steve and Maura's Jack & Jill party Friday night, Jen scheduled a cookout for this afternoon. Actually, I was informed that Kim was actually the "organizer," except that she didn't plan the menu, or bring the beer, or do the cooking. Perhaps her idea to become an event planner should be put on hold temporarily.

Also, I won 3 raffle prizes at the Jack & Jill, bringing my total raffle prizes won lifetime to 4. The best prize was probably the grill plus friends set, which had a grill, grill tools, 22 spices, some towels, 2 cookbooks and possibly a couple other things that I forgot. I also won 2 beer-themed prizes. Score.

Now on to the cookout. I went with another triple-cheese burger, but I'm not sure which 3 cheeses it was this time. I am sure of American and provolone, but the 3rd one is a mystery. Last time it was Swiss cheese, but I don't think it was this time. My money is on cheddar. There was also tomato, which I was forced to cut using a paring knife. Have you ever tried cutting a tomato with a paring knife instead of something useful? I don't recommend it. Those slices were horribly uneven. I am actually a little embarrassed.

At least the burger was good. It seems that the more cheese options you have, the better the burger. I am pretty sure that there has to be a cap somewhere, because eventually there's going to be too much cheese. However, the limit is definitely not 3. I am excited to try the rarely mentioned quadruple-cheese burger in the near future.

Also, I was peer pressured into registering the name for Mmmm, Beers. You may be wondering why it's Mmmm, Beers and not Mmmm, Beer. Well, you can ask the douchebag who already took Mmmm, Beer and did absolutely nothing with it. Jerk. There's no beer-related content yet (as of this posting), but I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Stay tuned for all sorts of drunken rambling. You'll probably want to bookmark it now.

-Jon

That's a Lot of Spying

I would say that today probably falls into the "not-very-productive" category. I think that possibly the only productive thing I did was to take a shower. So yeah, hooray showers.

USA was showing the entire season of Burn Notice, which seems to be a very popular show with my family. My brothers were watching it here, and then it was also on for the majority of the time when we went over to Dad and Kelly's. At one point I did manage to switch over and watch Harrison Ford abuse some Irish terrorists in Patriot Games, but that was short lived and the spy antics of Michael Westen soon returned. Also, the midseason finale was pretty good. Do you think Michael will survive? (Haha, spoilers are funny.)

Oh, I also ate a steak from Longhorn Steakhouse. Is that place under some kind of renovations? Hasn't it been there for a while? At any rate, it smelled like paint in there. But the steak was tasty, and the baked potato had a perfect amount of butter and sour cream. Maybe not quite as good as Texas Roadhouse, but there also wasn't a 3-hour wait.

And with lunch out of the way, it was back to Burn Notice and then time for burgers! Nothing too fancy, but there was bacon. Burger + Bacon > Burger. Always. That is an incontrovertible fact of burgers. And this burger was also delicious, since it was nice and medium rare. I always say, you need to have someone who understands that burgers shouldn't look like charcoal briquets manning the grill. Only weirdos like well done burgers, and you don't want weirdos at your house.

-Jon

The Tom Petty Concert

After months of anticipation, it was finally time for the Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers concert (featuring Crosby, Stills and Nash as the opening act)!! It was down at whatever they are calling the Meadows these days, which may be something along the lines of Comcast Theater. The concert itself was great, but it definitely reminded me why I stopped going to concerts at this particular venue. This may be true of all outdoor music theaters, but I find the douchebag percentages to be especially high here. Also, I plan on taking my shirt off next time I am at a concert, since apparently that is an appropriate thing to do.

Before the concert, we stopped to pick up Diana and other Jon since it would have been kind of silly to take two cars. Then we decided to get dinner at Chicago Sam's because food is an important part of my daily diet. And also because the concert wasn't for another 3 hours, and we would have been really early otherwise.

There wasn't much of a decision to be made here. The Black & Bleu burger seemed far more awesome than anything else on the menu. I have also determined the secret to the Blackjack Burger's deliciousness. The Blackjack sauce is good stuff, but it's the cajun blackened spices that they put on the burger that really makes it awesome. This burger was also blackened, and was also awesome. It was also cooked perfectly, which I appreciated. Finally, they have some kind of special fries here, so that's also cool. Well done in the burger department!

Not so well done in the wing department. We got some wings for an appetizer, and got half medium and half hot. Alright, I know this isn't Mmmm, Wings, but if you are calling your wings hot, then they had better make my tongue feel a little scorched afterwards. I could have eaten approximately infinity of these without a problem. Don't tell me you have hot wings and then bring me these disasters. And they were dry. Who likes dry wings? Come on Sam, step it up.

Then it was off to the concert. CSN went on right on time, and they played a bunch of stuff (including 3 of Kathryn's favorite songs, played in a row!) for about an hour. Also, David Crosby looks like a cartoon character, but I can't remember which one. Let's just go with Mr Magoo, except that Crosby's not bald.

After they finished, about 47 roadies came out to reset the stage for Tom & Co. This took forever. Like 45 minutes at least. You would have thought they might have practiced this sort of thing. Oh well, eventually it was time to rock. The band was awesome! But wow, white people should probably not dance anymore. I have permanent emotional scars now.

Also, buying a concert ticket does not actually make you part of the band, so maybe you shouldn't stand in front of Kathryn while playing air guitar for the first several songs. She's a nurse, so she could probably figure out a sneaky way to poison you or something. Just saying.

-Jon

Another New Creation

Apparently the yearly custom of celebrating Melissa's and my birthday concurrently has evolved into an annual tradition. This year saw the return of fantastic weather, the switching of a keg of Summer Ale for bottles, and at least 2 more dogs than last year. It also involved me not getting absurdly drunk, so I guess I really am a year older and more mature. That's kind of lame.

The big thing for this year is the creation of a new burger! I haven't come up with a name yet, but hopefully I will by the end of the post. This burger started off as one of those 40-in-a-box frozen travesties, but it evolved into so much more. First I put a slice of American cheese on it, because what's a burger without cheese? It's an embarrassment, that's what. Then I found 2 other kinds of cheese! The American cheese was quickly joined by the politically neutral Swiss cheese and the offensively greasy provolone cheese for a ménage à trois of cheesy goodness. For most people, that would be enough. However, I had been drinking a little, which means that I wasn't done yet.

There was a lovely little tray of taco dip (if you read last year's post, you may have seen that I enjoy taco dip a little bit), so I put some of that on top of the cheese orgy. Great decision. This burger was delightful. Next time you are at a barbecue with taco dip, put some on your burger. You will be glad you did it.

Perhaps the burger will be called the Triple Cheese Fiesta Burger. Something along those lines anyways.

-Jon

In Which I Mix Things Up

Since we didn't do the requisite R.F. O'Sullivan trip on Saturday, our Sunday lunch plans were pretty much set in stone. We couldn't let Erica's friends leave town without having arguably the best burgers in the state. That would just be terrible. The only question was when were we going to go over there. It turns out that 2:00 is a good time if you actually want a seat. I should mark this down for the future.

Since everyone is probably expecting that I will be talking about the Blackjack burger here, the next sentence may come as a bit of a surprise. I ordered the JD Burger instead! I don't want this thing to become too predictable, so I had to mix it up a little. And it was a good choice.

The JD Burger is a very close second to the Blackjack Burger in terms of Massachusetts Burger Greatness. If you don't like spicy stuff and can't handle the pure awesomeness of the Blackjack, you could probably order this burger and walk away fully satisfied. It's got some kick-ass BBQ sauce and cheese along with some standard burger toppings if you want them. Apparently you have to be very specific, because I ordered mine with tomato and onion, but I got this instead.

Call me crazy, but I am almost positive that tomato is not leafy and green. At least I got a bajillion onions, so I wasn't shortchanged there. And the burger was cooked perfectly. Check out all that sweet, sweet burger juice on the plate. That's what you're looking for in a burger. And that sauce was just great. I am surprised that I didn't know how awesome burgers with BBQ sauce were until recently. I guess you really do learn something new everyday.

-Jon

Let's See What I Can Remember

I am back on my bad streak of forgetting to take pictures of my burgers. Good thing I'm not getting paid for this, or else I might get fired from my own blog. That would be ironic.

The first burger of the day was surprisingly not from RF O'Sullivan. That is probably coming tomorrow, so just relax for a little. Change isn't that scary. Well it is for me, but you are more normal.

After my delightful evening at Foxwoods, I was off to Boston for a party. I met up with Alex and company (Erica and her friends Joe and Brenda) during their tour of the Freedom Trail, and we all went to Bell in Hand Tavern for lunch. I decided on the Sam Adams Burger (because anything else would have made me disappointed in myself) and sweet potato fries (because I thought it would be funny to mix things up). It had BBQ sauce, which I certainly hope had Sam Adams as an ingredient, bacon and probably swiss cheese. Or cheddar cheese with holes in it. What is this, Mmmm, Cheese? It was definitely cheese, so let's leave it at that.

What a delightful burger! That BBQ sauce was fantastic, and covered up the flavor of whatever cheese happened to be there. Sadly, this means that there is no easy way to figure out what cheese it actually was. If this thing ever hits the big time, I will have to be slightly more meticulous in my burger documentation. There was also an awesome pickle, which makes me feel worse about the ones I make. Obviously mine still need work. I can't be passing off second-rate pickles on people. The sweet potato fries weren't so good. They were super soggy, which isn't a good quality for fries. I ate them all anyway because I am a champion, and that's what champions do. In your face, crappy fries!!

Post-burger, we wandered around a little more and then eventually caught a taxi back to Alex's because that much walking is unhealthy. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that the more I walk around, the more likely I am to get hit by a car. We had a few beers, played some Guitar Hero, drank a few more beers and then headed out to the first SWC party that I've attended in a long time. I really don't want to type this, but in the interest of full disclosure I have to say that the theme of the party was Jersey Shore. It's so painful to admit that. I even got my Jersey Shore douche on and rocked a faux-hawk and popped collar. It was a real emotional punch in the crotch. I already have less faith in myself, so you don't need to remind me of this tragedy.

I actually ate another burger at the party, which was one of those surprise burgers that I didn't know was coming. Hooray! Surprise burgers are great!! I went with a burger, which was not one of those pre-frozen abominations, some cheese, tomato, onion and some kind of BBQ sauce that I forgot to identify. It was really good though. I know it definitely had a very elaborate name, but I doubt that knowing that fact would be enough to pick some up at a store. At any rate, the burger ended up being one of the higher quality barbecue burgers I've had in recent memory. Unfortunately, I've been drinking for an extended period of time and my recent memory has been severely compromised. That means that the burger could have been really crappy, and just been better than what I'm used to. That's sad. Oh well; those are the kind of results you get when I eat a lot of burgers in a short period of time while also consuming several alcoholic beverages.

Did I talk about both burgers yet? Hopefully I did, because I am done writing at this point. I hope this post is at least sort of entertaining. Or not. It's all good.

-Jon

The Burger's Just the Beginning

Today was a big day. And since there was a burger involved, you get to hear all about it.

We went out to lunch with Chris because he is not generally home and lunch seemed like a good way to acknowledge his presence. Despite my better judgment, we decided to go to Red Robin. Apparently my family loves that place. As previously promised, I ordered the Banzai Burger to test my new theory of "Meat and Fruit is not that bad." Admittedly, the theory's name could use some work. Give me a break though, as I am not really trying that hard.

The burger has some kind of teriyaki sauce along with slices of pineapple, which means it's like a shish-kebab in burger form. There is also lettuce, tomato and onion, because that seems to be the required topping for all of their burgers. Except for that one with mushrooms, because that would just be weird. I was surprised by how good it was. I probably shouldn't have been after trying that burger at James and Nicole's, but I was still skeptical. Well, call me a convert.

That burger was just the kickoff to a wild and crazy evening. After lunch, I packed up my stuff and got ready to head to the MGM at Foxwoods for the Beach Boys concert with Kathryn, Mom and Chuck. I think that would have been the last thing to ever occur 10+ years ago, but now I am all grown up so it's cool. For some reason, Google Maps decided that the best way to get there would be to go on Route 2, then get off of Route 2 for a little bit, and then immediately get back on Route 2. Jerks. We did end up getting to the hotel easily after that, with no major problems other than my newfound lack of respect for Google.

Alright, check into the hotel, change clothes and then off to MGM, right? Wrong! The hotel shuttle was actually a limo, so we got the last 4 spots and got ready to leave. The limo made it about 30 yards, to the end of the driveway, and then just died. Alright, new limo, and attempt 2. This time we actually made it. Hooray! Let's kill some time before the show.

Ok, so it turns out that Mom had never been to a casino before. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have her first experience be at the largest casino in the country. She looked like a country bumpkin, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I think she managed to survive mostly unscathed, only losing a couple bucks in the penny slots. How did I do? Hold on to that thought.

We decided to grab a snack before the show, so we went to the mini food court and ordered a couple slices of pizza. Since Foxwoods is the largest casino in the country, I am going to hand out some other awards for extremes. This pizza wins the "Greasiest Pizza Ever" award. It soaked right through the plate, and it was a plastic plate!! That may be an exaggeration, but only slightly. I actually feel a little sick just thinking about it.

After that, it was time for the show. It was really good, and it was packed. There were a couple funny people there. First was the super-excited lady in front of us who chair-danced for practically the entire show. Second is the girl was up in the front row who clearly loves attention because she kept dancing her way up to the stage and being gently escorted back to her seat. Finally, Mr No-Smile, who looked like that particular concert was the last place he wanted to be. I have never seen someone more miserable at their current location, and I teach math!!

After the show, we walked over to the actual Foxwoods building and played some games. I wasn't really planning on gambling, but the flashy lights on the slot machines drew me in. I played some game about smelly food called "Stinkin' Rich" or "Filthy Rich" or something along those lines because it's Kathryn's favorite. I didn't do very well. Stupid game. At that point I thought I was done, but I found a penny slot game called "Helen of Troy" and decided to give it one more go. After a few minutes, I got bored and moved to the next machine, which was "Golden Goose." You got bonuses for geese showing up or for getting gold eggs. This game was short-lived because every time a goose showed up, the game made an annoying honking sound. That can only go on for so long before I get fed up. Move another chair over. This game was called "Pompeii" and sucked donkey balls. I think I played for 3 minutes.

Alright, last chance Foxwoods. I'll give "Golden Gong" a try, because it almost sounds dirty. First spin, I get a couple gongs on the screen which are apparently good. The machine starts making crazy gong sounds, and I win like $4. That's actually a lot if you consider that it was a penny machine. Also, the second award of the night goes to this machine for "Loudest Slot Machine." Everything it did attracted attention from the people around me! I played for a while, got some more gongs, got some old Chinese guys on the screen which apparently double your prizes, you know how it goes. After a while, I start getting bored again and tell the game that I'm leaving if I don't start getting more gongs. Within 5 spins, I get a spin with 5 gongs. Bam, $200. I like it. I also get bonus spins for having multiple gongs and win another $70 or so. All in all, I walked in with $41 and walked out with $292.69. Hooray!!

I was definitely done at that point, as was everyone else, so we went back to our hotel. The final award of the night goes to our hotel for "Scariest Toilet." Every single time I flushed it, it was so loud that I thought I had broken something or possibly opened up a doorway to another dimension. That's just unnecessary.

It was a good day.

-Jon

Getting Silly with Condiments

I am not widely known for using condiments on my food. As you probably know, mayonnaise is expressly forbidden. That one is not negotiable. If I go out places, I will probably not be putting ketchup or mustard on my burger, but I may throw a little ketchup on there if I'm at a cookout. However, in the interest of expanding my burger eating (and potentially enjoyment), I have been trying to be a little more open-minded. If you want opinionated writing that doesn't try to be open-minded, you should be at the other site. Also, honey mustard!! Can't go wrong there.

I will not be changing my opinions of how disgusting mayonnaise is though. Not negotiable!!

It was burgers for dinner, so I decided to mix things up a little. The first burger was going to be sautéed onions, honey mustard and cheese, while the second was sautéed onions, mushrooms and cheese. That way, if the mustard did not go exactly as planned (like if it sucked), the whole meal would not be compromised.

It turns out that mustard is not a bad way to mix things up. It was actually really good. So good, in fact, that I added it to the second burger. That counts as a ringing endorsement here at Mmmm, Burgers. Who knows what kind of crazy stuff may find its way onto my burgers in the future.

I also got to try a new beer, I think. Maybe it wasn't new. It was definitely the first time I had it in a bottle though, so I'm counting it. Otter Creek Pale Ale. Good stuff, if you're a pale ale drinker. Apparently I am now. Looks like all sorts of changes are taking place.

-Jon

Wedding Weekend

Since Matt and Tanya's wedding was this weekend, several people headed down to Rhode Island to celebrate with them. I went down with Steve and Maura the day before so that we could participate in the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We were there a while before either, so we went over to Chili's (which was one of about 40 restaurant options within 5 miles of our hotel) and had some lunch. And beers!

After a lengthy deliberation, I finally settled on the Shiner Bock BBQ Burger. I have pretty much no idea what Shiner Bock is , but my guess is that it's some kind of BBQ sauce made out of Shiner Bock, which I am assuming is a beer. Either way, it was good stuff. There was also cheddar cheese and onion straws along with the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. There were also pickles, but I took them off and ate them separately. No pickles on my burgers!!

That was a good burger. Maybe it's because there weren't many people there, but I actually got it cooked the way I ordered it! That is a fantastic thing these days. They also have pretty good fries at Chili's. It's weird going there and not ordering a fajita though.

After that, we went back, adventured out to the church for rehearsal, and then went to a semi-fancy restaurant for dinner. As fancy as the place was, they are poor counters. Matt had told them between 35-40 people, so they set up seating for 30. Last I knew, 30 was actually a smaller number than either end of Matt's range. Eventually they got their act together and fed me a tasty steak, also cooked medium rare. Two properly cooked meats in one day? Stupendous!!

-Jon

The Luau Burger

In the quest for delicious burgers, sometimes we have to get a little wacky. At James and Nicole's luau, the menu started off with some skewers of bacon-wrapped chicken, mushrooms and pineapples before James started putting the burgers and hot dogs on the grill. Since there were some leftover skewers when it was time for the burgers, I thought that it might be a neat idea to put the stuff from one of the skewers on top of the burger.

Was it good? Good enough to do twice, so yes.

Obviously bacon goes great with burgers, and mushrooms as well. Chicken was a little suspicious, but it turned out pretty well. This bodes well for the Barnyard Burger that I will eventually develop. I was skeptical of the pineapple, but it was actually a nice addition. Maybe I'll have to try that pineapple burger at Red Robin, if I ever go back.

The rest of the party was also a good time. You can pretty much guarantee that if you have a keg of Sam Summer at your party, it's going to be a good one.

-Jon

Puppy Pool Acquired!

Wait. You don't know about the extensive search for a puppy pool? You are slacking. These blogs are required reading for anyone who has any sort of interaction with me. Well, the story has a happy ending in that I got one at Christmas Tree Shops (which was suspiciously lacking in actual trees). Odin will be rocking out in style next time he comes to pug camp.

The trip to Christmas Tree Shops was preceded by a trip to Northampton for lunch with Kathryn at the Northampton Brewery. I was seriously considering ordering a non-burger meal, but then I thought that would be irresponsible, so I ended up going with the Blackened Blue Burger, mostly because its name was alliterative. If something has a funny name or an alliterative name, I am almost helpless to resist it. This is why I was so upset when Whistling Pig was actually not available, contrary to previously posted information. You can't tell me about something with such an awesome name and then make it unavailable. Man, that's just mean.

The Blackened Blue Burger was a giant monster with cajun spices, blue cheese and caramelized onions along with the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. It also came with a delightful pickle and some good French fries, made even better by the Tabasco ketchup I used. Actually, I used way too much Tabasco, so the fries were incredibly hot. The burger itself was really good, and actually cooked medium rare. I know, I was shocked too. The blue cheese was great, but I wish there had been a little more. Some of mine escaped due to faulty burger holding, but there still wasn't enough. More cheese is always a good thing.

Kathryn had ordered a couple of pretzels with some kind of beer cheese sauce for dipping. The pretzels were the saltiest things I ever ate, but if you scraped off some of the extra salt and dipped them in the sauce, they were fantastic. I don't know which kind of cheese it was, but it tasted kind of like a cheddar. You should go there and get the recipe so that I can make it at home. It will be delicious! I'll even invite you over when I'm making it.

I also tried 2 of their beers. You can't go to a brewery/restaurant and not try what they've got going on tap. Unless you're Dave, in which case you'd probably still order a Bud Light. I had a Weizenheimer, which was a wheat beer that tasted a little summery, and a Northampton Pale Ale, which tasted like a pale ale. The Weizenheimer was great, and the NPA was ok. Pale ales are always a mystery going in, and this one was right in the middle for deliciousness.

Now I've got a big afternoon ahead of me of making ribs. This could end up messy.

-Jon

Two Down, 48 To Go

This weekend was the Vermont Brewers Festival, which was like the Brattleboro Brewers Festival on steroids. More tents, more beers, more people, more sessions, more everything! You can read about it here.

The most important thing about the Brewers Festival is that it is held in Burlington, which just happens to be the home of Vermont's best cheeseburger! It's called the Scibek Sizzler, but it may also be called the Scibec Sizzler. More on that later.

Vermont's best burger can be found at a place called The Shopping Bag. Much like its name would suggest, this place is a convenience store. As soon as we walked inside, I thought we had made a mistake. This place does not look like a burger place at all. I also thought that I was about to get beaten severely by the people I was with, because I had just made them walk a mile (half of it uphill) to get to this place. Seriously, take a look.

This does not look like the place that you're going to find the best cheeseburger in the state. Or really even find a cheeseburger period. Luckily, we saw this sign. It made me think we might be in the right place. You can also see the name difficulties that I'm having. Food Network uses the "k" and the sign uses the "c." What the hell!?

Either way, we ordered some up. James and I got the real deal minus the mayo because mayo is gross and no matter what Kathryn says, it still counts as the best burger without mayo. If Kathryn keeps up her mayo attitude, she's going to find herself sleeping in a dumpster. Kathryn got the mini-Sizzler, which is actually the size of a normal cheeseburger. Dianna and other Jon split a normal Sizzler, meaning that James and I are the burger champs. Check these things out! And yes, I asked Big Al if I could document the burger process before I started randomly taking pictures in the store.

We've got freshly ground beef, some Montreal steak seasoning, 2 kinds of cheeses (looked like American and Provolone from my perspective), bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard. As I just said, mayo was also an option, but if you're going to be putting mayo on your burgers, we're not going to be talking. Seriously, go away. The final product was enormous. I don't think the next picture does justice to the sheer size of this burger.

What you really need is a picture of me trying to eat it. Then you can see just how large it is. I look like a boa constrictor.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I dislocated my jaw eating this burger. And it was fantastic. I don't have a lot of burger experience in Vermont, but this seems like a reasonable choice for the state's best. And it costs $5.39. You can't beat that. Next time you're in Burlington, head over to North St. (not North Ave, as apparently the people who named the streets in Ludlow also had a hand in street naming up in Vermont) and get yourself one of these beasts.

-Jon

Get Right Back on the Horse

You'd think that getting sick would stop me from grabbing another burger for lunch immediately the next day. You'd be wrong. I think this falls into the category of "if at first you don't succeed, try again." I needed to have a good burger this weekend to undo the mental effects of that Red Robin debacle.

We were going to Boston for Matt's bachelor party, so I took the responsibility for picking a place since no one else knew too many places in the city. We were staying right by the Garden, so I figured people would enjoy The Fours, the place that Kathryn and I went to on Easter. It's got good food and lots of different beers, so you can't really go wrong. I decided to get a little silly, so I got a Guinness and made my own burger. Not literally, because it would be weird if they just let random people into the kitchen, but in the sense that I picked my own toppings instead of getting a predetermined meal. I went with bacon, American cheese and avocado in addition to the standard lettuce and tomato. They had a lot more options, including chili (which I almost did just for the experience), but I decided not to overdo it. After all, we were going to be doing a lot of beer drinking in the coming hours, so I needed the stomach space.

That burger was delightful! It was cooked right, the avocado went nicely with the bacon, and there wasn't too much lettuce. The fries were also good, and we got the buffalo chicken nachos which were awesome again. All around it was a good time.

After that, things started to get silly.

We went from The Fours to Boston Beer Works right down the street to kick off our pub crawl. That's a nice little place. I tried something called "Tell-Tale Lager," which was good. I'd drink it again. They had the Uruguay-Germany match on TV, so people were getting all into that. We decided to participate as well, and just yelled really loudly every time anyone else yelled. It was a good time.

Next up was this tiny place called the Corner Cafe in the Italian district. It was about the size of my kitchen. Steve struggled with the claw machine (which ended up eating his coins without offering him a chance at a crappy prize), we lost on all our scratch tickets, and then we played Keno for a while. Not the real Keno, but the fake one that Dave played in college. It's a lot more fun, and involves a lot more yelling at the Keno TV. It turns out that yesterday was Steve G's lucky day, because his number 6 came up in probably 10 games in a row. We used that to our advantage to win $100 playing actual Keno, and walked out of there with beer money.

On the way back, we grabbed a 24-pack for the hotel room, which would quickly become a 23-pack due to gravity. Steve decided he was lazy, so he carried the beers for a little and then dumped them off on Dave. He did not warn Dave that the handle on the box was not exactly intact. Shortly after that, the handle ripped off completely and the beers went everywhere on the sidewalk. Sadly, one of them exploded on impact, leaving us with one less beer and one more story.

We ran mostly through that box o' beer and got pretty for the night out. After walking the wrong way to Park St (since me saying several times "we need to be on the other side of this building and you guys are going the wrong way" wasn't enough to get them to turn around), we ended up deciding to hit Faneuil Hall for a meal at Dick's Last Resort. That was an experience. Steve had been there before, and possible a few of the other guys, but it was new to me. The main thing there is that the employees treat all the customers like crap, and also make embarrassing hats for them. They also serve 40 oz Bud Lights, so that's a win. My ribs were cooked to rib perfection (the first bone came out clean with almost no effort, which is what is supposed to happen), and the buffalo wings were spicy enough without being weird tasting. I'd go back.

We finished off the night at Ned Devine's, which may be the longest bar/club I've ever seen. You could just keep walking and walking. It was also incredibly crowded, which made it a good thing that we had been drinking all day. I can't handle those kind of places without being properly lubricated.

All in all, it was a good night. And it probably was an indicator of future wackiness that will happen at the wedding.

-Jon

This Story Will Be Gross

Don't complain later, as I have pre-warned you here.

Originally we were supposed to go out to dinner for Mom's birthday to a nice place, but then they decided they were going to be on vacation and ruin the whole plan. Undeterred, Chuck suggested that we go out to Red Robin instead, because who really wants to cook when it's 90+ outside. You know me: if a burger is possible, I am obligated to go for it. This will turn out to be a mistake.

I went with the Five-Alarm Burger. Pepperjack cheese, peppers, jalapeños, etc. It was supposed to be very spicy. It was not. I would give it two alarms max. I also feel like I have written this before, but I couldn't find it quickly and didn't feel like putting the effort in to really look. I guess some of that Mmmm, Opinions laziness in research has made it over to this site. It really was inevitable. The burger itself was pretty good, and they cooked it right, so I can't really complain. Red Robin also does a good job on their fries, which is a major plus. I tried them with a little of the Red Robin seasoning in the ketchup, and it was a nice change of pace. That seasoning claims to have 20 different flavors in it. Some of them have got to be repeats.

After dinner, I went down to Home Goods with Mom and Chuck and picked up some mixing bowls that I desperately needed along with a few extra pillows for Kathryn the Pillow Queen. Then we went home, drank a couple beers and played cards. So far everything is great.

Fast forward to tomorrow morning. It couldn't have been the meat, because I don't think this happened to everyone, but something on my burger was past its freshness date. The Five-Alarm Burger looks a lot better going in than it does coming back out in a semi-digested state. You can still taste the jalapeños though! This is one of those times that I am really glad we have a garbage disposal. I am also really glad that I remembered that the disposal is in the right-hand sink. That could have been a disaster.

I may have just lost a couple readers.

-Jon

Blame It On Jet Lag

I should probably warn you that this entire post may be incredibly rambling and incoherent. I'm pretty sleepy, and it's really hot out which isn't helping things. I'm also watching the Red Sox, so at most only 50% of my attention is focused on what I'm writing. Sometimes I am not even looking at the computer screen or keyboard while I type. That could result in some interesting typos.

My options for dinner tonight were: Frosted Mini-Wheats (Cinnamon Strudel or Blueberry Muffin), going to get take-out (probably not going to happen, due to my current lack of motivation to do anything) or burgers at Mom and Chuck's. Since you're reading this, you can probably guess that I went with option 3. It was a compromise between not having to get myself dinner and having to leave the air-conditioning in my living room.

I'm going to cut this thing short. Two burgers, American cheese, tomato, red onion, some baked beans, some pasta salad and a pair of Summer Ales. It was a good time. Hopefully the next time I eat burgers it will be a more manageable temperature and I will be able to think a bit more clearly. Or maybe not. If I could tell the future, do you really think I'd be spending my time writing so terribly?

-Jon

Back From France

You may have noticed a conspicuous lack of cheeseburgers being eaten in the past couple weeks. This is due to the fact that I was in France, and the cheeseburgers in France are a sin against nature. France does a lot of things well. Croissants? Check. Wine? Double check. Cheese? Check. Getting eliminated from the World Cup in fairly hilarious manners? Check. But burgers are just not on the list. I learned that lesson the hard way back in 2008, so there was no chance that I would be eating them until my triumphant return to the USA.

Thankfully, even though it's Independence Day, RF O'Sullivan's was open! Blackjack burger, here I come!!

Yeah, that's what burger eating is all about. Blackened burger, blackjack sauce, tomato and raw onions. Burger eating doesn't get better than that in Massachusetts, Food Network be damned. I'm not sure if you can tell, but I have 5 fries there. Yes, five. That actually added up to be more than one potato. These weren't even fries now that I think about it. They were enormous potato wedges with a hint of fried outside. And they were served at the temperature of molten lava. You would think that I would have learned by now that the fries are always served somewhere between molten lava hot and surface of the sun hot, but I just don't. I am pretty sure that you could take them home and heat your house for the weekend.

The burger was as delicious as I remember it. Nice and rare, a little spicy, and the size of my head. Can't beat it.

Alex also had the Blackjack, Kathryn tried the Creamy Blue Cheese Burger (that one looked pretty good AND had bacon, so I may have to try it), Erica had the Black & Blue Burger (been there, done that), Catherine had the JD Burger (highly recommended by Alex, but he can't rank it above the Blackjack) and Martanda had the Honey Bee Burger (never had it, but it's got a funny name). There is also a decent chance that I misspelled Martanda's name. Sorry dude! However, in burger terms, everyone wins!

Also, that Newcastle was a lot better than the one I got last time. Maybe they ordered new ones. Plus it's much bigger than your standard Newcastle, which is nice. I think I might have to go buy some beer today, as France is also not known for their beer production and I've been drinking wine for the last 10 days.

PS - Alex may tell you that I was messed up on Dramamine and decided to sing all the not-so-straight songs that came on the radio on the way home from the airport, like the Cranberries and Bryan Adams and Kelly Clarkson. This is a lie. It was Michael Bolton, not Bryan Adams.

-Jon