That's a Lot of Spying

I would say that today probably falls into the "not-very-productive" category. I think that possibly the only productive thing I did was to take a shower. So yeah, hooray showers.

USA was showing the entire season of Burn Notice, which seems to be a very popular show with my family. My brothers were watching it here, and then it was also on for the majority of the time when we went over to Dad and Kelly's. At one point I did manage to switch over and watch Harrison Ford abuse some Irish terrorists in Patriot Games, but that was short lived and the spy antics of Michael Westen soon returned. Also, the midseason finale was pretty good. Do you think Michael will survive? (Haha, spoilers are funny.)

Oh, I also ate a steak from Longhorn Steakhouse. Is that place under some kind of renovations? Hasn't it been there for a while? At any rate, it smelled like paint in there. But the steak was tasty, and the baked potato had a perfect amount of butter and sour cream. Maybe not quite as good as Texas Roadhouse, but there also wasn't a 3-hour wait.

And with lunch out of the way, it was back to Burn Notice and then time for burgers! Nothing too fancy, but there was bacon. Burger + Bacon > Burger. Always. That is an incontrovertible fact of burgers. And this burger was also delicious, since it was nice and medium rare. I always say, you need to have someone who understands that burgers shouldn't look like charcoal briquets manning the grill. Only weirdos like well done burgers, and you don't want weirdos at your house.

-Jon

The Tom Petty Concert

After months of anticipation, it was finally time for the Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers concert (featuring Crosby, Stills and Nash as the opening act)!! It was down at whatever they are calling the Meadows these days, which may be something along the lines of Comcast Theater. The concert itself was great, but it definitely reminded me why I stopped going to concerts at this particular venue. This may be true of all outdoor music theaters, but I find the douchebag percentages to be especially high here. Also, I plan on taking my shirt off next time I am at a concert, since apparently that is an appropriate thing to do.

Before the concert, we stopped to pick up Diana and other Jon since it would have been kind of silly to take two cars. Then we decided to get dinner at Chicago Sam's because food is an important part of my daily diet. And also because the concert wasn't for another 3 hours, and we would have been really early otherwise.

There wasn't much of a decision to be made here. The Black & Bleu burger seemed far more awesome than anything else on the menu. I have also determined the secret to the Blackjack Burger's deliciousness. The Blackjack sauce is good stuff, but it's the cajun blackened spices that they put on the burger that really makes it awesome. This burger was also blackened, and was also awesome. It was also cooked perfectly, which I appreciated. Finally, they have some kind of special fries here, so that's also cool. Well done in the burger department!

Not so well done in the wing department. We got some wings for an appetizer, and got half medium and half hot. Alright, I know this isn't Mmmm, Wings, but if you are calling your wings hot, then they had better make my tongue feel a little scorched afterwards. I could have eaten approximately infinity of these without a problem. Don't tell me you have hot wings and then bring me these disasters. And they were dry. Who likes dry wings? Come on Sam, step it up.

Then it was off to the concert. CSN went on right on time, and they played a bunch of stuff (including 3 of Kathryn's favorite songs, played in a row!) for about an hour. Also, David Crosby looks like a cartoon character, but I can't remember which one. Let's just go with Mr Magoo, except that Crosby's not bald.

After they finished, about 47 roadies came out to reset the stage for Tom & Co. This took forever. Like 45 minutes at least. You would have thought they might have practiced this sort of thing. Oh well, eventually it was time to rock. The band was awesome! But wow, white people should probably not dance anymore. I have permanent emotional scars now.

Also, buying a concert ticket does not actually make you part of the band, so maybe you shouldn't stand in front of Kathryn while playing air guitar for the first several songs. She's a nurse, so she could probably figure out a sneaky way to poison you or something. Just saying.

-Jon

Another New Creation

Apparently the yearly custom of celebrating Melissa's and my birthday concurrently has evolved into an annual tradition. This year saw the return of fantastic weather, the switching of a keg of Summer Ale for bottles, and at least 2 more dogs than last year. It also involved me not getting absurdly drunk, so I guess I really am a year older and more mature. That's kind of lame.

The big thing for this year is the creation of a new burger! I haven't come up with a name yet, but hopefully I will by the end of the post. This burger started off as one of those 40-in-a-box frozen travesties, but it evolved into so much more. First I put a slice of American cheese on it, because what's a burger without cheese? It's an embarrassment, that's what. Then I found 2 other kinds of cheese! The American cheese was quickly joined by the politically neutral Swiss cheese and the offensively greasy provolone cheese for a ménage à trois of cheesy goodness. For most people, that would be enough. However, I had been drinking a little, which means that I wasn't done yet.

There was a lovely little tray of taco dip (if you read last year's post, you may have seen that I enjoy taco dip a little bit), so I put some of that on top of the cheese orgy. Great decision. This burger was delightful. Next time you are at a barbecue with taco dip, put some on your burger. You will be glad you did it.

Perhaps the burger will be called the Triple Cheese Fiesta Burger. Something along those lines anyways.

-Jon

In Which I Mix Things Up

Since we didn't do the requisite R.F. O'Sullivan trip on Saturday, our Sunday lunch plans were pretty much set in stone. We couldn't let Erica's friends leave town without having arguably the best burgers in the state. That would just be terrible. The only question was when were we going to go over there. It turns out that 2:00 is a good time if you actually want a seat. I should mark this down for the future.

Since everyone is probably expecting that I will be talking about the Blackjack burger here, the next sentence may come as a bit of a surprise. I ordered the JD Burger instead! I don't want this thing to become too predictable, so I had to mix it up a little. And it was a good choice.

The JD Burger is a very close second to the Blackjack Burger in terms of Massachusetts Burger Greatness. If you don't like spicy stuff and can't handle the pure awesomeness of the Blackjack, you could probably order this burger and walk away fully satisfied. It's got some kick-ass BBQ sauce and cheese along with some standard burger toppings if you want them. Apparently you have to be very specific, because I ordered mine with tomato and onion, but I got this instead.

Call me crazy, but I am almost positive that tomato is not leafy and green. At least I got a bajillion onions, so I wasn't shortchanged there. And the burger was cooked perfectly. Check out all that sweet, sweet burger juice on the plate. That's what you're looking for in a burger. And that sauce was just great. I am surprised that I didn't know how awesome burgers with BBQ sauce were until recently. I guess you really do learn something new everyday.

-Jon

Let's See What I Can Remember

I am back on my bad streak of forgetting to take pictures of my burgers. Good thing I'm not getting paid for this, or else I might get fired from my own blog. That would be ironic.

The first burger of the day was surprisingly not from RF O'Sullivan. That is probably coming tomorrow, so just relax for a little. Change isn't that scary. Well it is for me, but you are more normal.

After my delightful evening at Foxwoods, I was off to Boston for a party. I met up with Alex and company (Erica and her friends Joe and Brenda) during their tour of the Freedom Trail, and we all went to Bell in Hand Tavern for lunch. I decided on the Sam Adams Burger (because anything else would have made me disappointed in myself) and sweet potato fries (because I thought it would be funny to mix things up). It had BBQ sauce, which I certainly hope had Sam Adams as an ingredient, bacon and probably swiss cheese. Or cheddar cheese with holes in it. What is this, Mmmm, Cheese? It was definitely cheese, so let's leave it at that.

What a delightful burger! That BBQ sauce was fantastic, and covered up the flavor of whatever cheese happened to be there. Sadly, this means that there is no easy way to figure out what cheese it actually was. If this thing ever hits the big time, I will have to be slightly more meticulous in my burger documentation. There was also an awesome pickle, which makes me feel worse about the ones I make. Obviously mine still need work. I can't be passing off second-rate pickles on people. The sweet potato fries weren't so good. They were super soggy, which isn't a good quality for fries. I ate them all anyway because I am a champion, and that's what champions do. In your face, crappy fries!!

Post-burger, we wandered around a little more and then eventually caught a taxi back to Alex's because that much walking is unhealthy. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that the more I walk around, the more likely I am to get hit by a car. We had a few beers, played some Guitar Hero, drank a few more beers and then headed out to the first SWC party that I've attended in a long time. I really don't want to type this, but in the interest of full disclosure I have to say that the theme of the party was Jersey Shore. It's so painful to admit that. I even got my Jersey Shore douche on and rocked a faux-hawk and popped collar. It was a real emotional punch in the crotch. I already have less faith in myself, so you don't need to remind me of this tragedy.

I actually ate another burger at the party, which was one of those surprise burgers that I didn't know was coming. Hooray! Surprise burgers are great!! I went with a burger, which was not one of those pre-frozen abominations, some cheese, tomato, onion and some kind of BBQ sauce that I forgot to identify. It was really good though. I know it definitely had a very elaborate name, but I doubt that knowing that fact would be enough to pick some up at a store. At any rate, the burger ended up being one of the higher quality barbecue burgers I've had in recent memory. Unfortunately, I've been drinking for an extended period of time and my recent memory has been severely compromised. That means that the burger could have been really crappy, and just been better than what I'm used to. That's sad. Oh well; those are the kind of results you get when I eat a lot of burgers in a short period of time while also consuming several alcoholic beverages.

Did I talk about both burgers yet? Hopefully I did, because I am done writing at this point. I hope this post is at least sort of entertaining. Or not. It's all good.

-Jon

The Burger's Just the Beginning

Today was a big day. And since there was a burger involved, you get to hear all about it.

We went out to lunch with Chris because he is not generally home and lunch seemed like a good way to acknowledge his presence. Despite my better judgment, we decided to go to Red Robin. Apparently my family loves that place. As previously promised, I ordered the Banzai Burger to test my new theory of "Meat and Fruit is not that bad." Admittedly, the theory's name could use some work. Give me a break though, as I am not really trying that hard.

The burger has some kind of teriyaki sauce along with slices of pineapple, which means it's like a shish-kebab in burger form. There is also lettuce, tomato and onion, because that seems to be the required topping for all of their burgers. Except for that one with mushrooms, because that would just be weird. I was surprised by how good it was. I probably shouldn't have been after trying that burger at James and Nicole's, but I was still skeptical. Well, call me a convert.

That burger was just the kickoff to a wild and crazy evening. After lunch, I packed up my stuff and got ready to head to the MGM at Foxwoods for the Beach Boys concert with Kathryn, Mom and Chuck. I think that would have been the last thing to ever occur 10+ years ago, but now I am all grown up so it's cool. For some reason, Google Maps decided that the best way to get there would be to go on Route 2, then get off of Route 2 for a little bit, and then immediately get back on Route 2. Jerks. We did end up getting to the hotel easily after that, with no major problems other than my newfound lack of respect for Google.

Alright, check into the hotel, change clothes and then off to MGM, right? Wrong! The hotel shuttle was actually a limo, so we got the last 4 spots and got ready to leave. The limo made it about 30 yards, to the end of the driveway, and then just died. Alright, new limo, and attempt 2. This time we actually made it. Hooray! Let's kill some time before the show.

Ok, so it turns out that Mom had never been to a casino before. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have her first experience be at the largest casino in the country. She looked like a country bumpkin, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I think she managed to survive mostly unscathed, only losing a couple bucks in the penny slots. How did I do? Hold on to that thought.

We decided to grab a snack before the show, so we went to the mini food court and ordered a couple slices of pizza. Since Foxwoods is the largest casino in the country, I am going to hand out some other awards for extremes. This pizza wins the "Greasiest Pizza Ever" award. It soaked right through the plate, and it was a plastic plate!! That may be an exaggeration, but only slightly. I actually feel a little sick just thinking about it.

After that, it was time for the show. It was really good, and it was packed. There were a couple funny people there. First was the super-excited lady in front of us who chair-danced for practically the entire show. Second is the girl was up in the front row who clearly loves attention because she kept dancing her way up to the stage and being gently escorted back to her seat. Finally, Mr No-Smile, who looked like that particular concert was the last place he wanted to be. I have never seen someone more miserable at their current location, and I teach math!!

After the show, we walked over to the actual Foxwoods building and played some games. I wasn't really planning on gambling, but the flashy lights on the slot machines drew me in. I played some game about smelly food called "Stinkin' Rich" or "Filthy Rich" or something along those lines because it's Kathryn's favorite. I didn't do very well. Stupid game. At that point I thought I was done, but I found a penny slot game called "Helen of Troy" and decided to give it one more go. After a few minutes, I got bored and moved to the next machine, which was "Golden Goose." You got bonuses for geese showing up or for getting gold eggs. This game was short-lived because every time a goose showed up, the game made an annoying honking sound. That can only go on for so long before I get fed up. Move another chair over. This game was called "Pompeii" and sucked donkey balls. I think I played for 3 minutes.

Alright, last chance Foxwoods. I'll give "Golden Gong" a try, because it almost sounds dirty. First spin, I get a couple gongs on the screen which are apparently good. The machine starts making crazy gong sounds, and I win like $4. That's actually a lot if you consider that it was a penny machine. Also, the second award of the night goes to this machine for "Loudest Slot Machine." Everything it did attracted attention from the people around me! I played for a while, got some more gongs, got some old Chinese guys on the screen which apparently double your prizes, you know how it goes. After a while, I start getting bored again and tell the game that I'm leaving if I don't start getting more gongs. Within 5 spins, I get a spin with 5 gongs. Bam, $200. I like it. I also get bonus spins for having multiple gongs and win another $70 or so. All in all, I walked in with $41 and walked out with $292.69. Hooray!!

I was definitely done at that point, as was everyone else, so we went back to our hotel. The final award of the night goes to our hotel for "Scariest Toilet." Every single time I flushed it, it was so loud that I thought I had broken something or possibly opened up a doorway to another dimension. That's just unnecessary.

It was a good day.

-Jon

Getting Silly with Condiments

I am not widely known for using condiments on my food. As you probably know, mayonnaise is expressly forbidden. That one is not negotiable. If I go out places, I will probably not be putting ketchup or mustard on my burger, but I may throw a little ketchup on there if I'm at a cookout. However, in the interest of expanding my burger eating (and potentially enjoyment), I have been trying to be a little more open-minded. If you want opinionated writing that doesn't try to be open-minded, you should be at the other site. Also, honey mustard!! Can't go wrong there.

I will not be changing my opinions of how disgusting mayonnaise is though. Not negotiable!!

It was burgers for dinner, so I decided to mix things up a little. The first burger was going to be sautéed onions, honey mustard and cheese, while the second was sautéed onions, mushrooms and cheese. That way, if the mustard did not go exactly as planned (like if it sucked), the whole meal would not be compromised.

It turns out that mustard is not a bad way to mix things up. It was actually really good. So good, in fact, that I added it to the second burger. That counts as a ringing endorsement here at Mmmm, Burgers. Who knows what kind of crazy stuff may find its way onto my burgers in the future.

I also got to try a new beer, I think. Maybe it wasn't new. It was definitely the first time I had it in a bottle though, so I'm counting it. Otter Creek Pale Ale. Good stuff, if you're a pale ale drinker. Apparently I am now. Looks like all sorts of changes are taking place.

-Jon

Wedding Weekend

Since Matt and Tanya's wedding was this weekend, several people headed down to Rhode Island to celebrate with them. I went down with Steve and Maura the day before so that we could participate in the wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We were there a while before either, so we went over to Chili's (which was one of about 40 restaurant options within 5 miles of our hotel) and had some lunch. And beers!

After a lengthy deliberation, I finally settled on the Shiner Bock BBQ Burger. I have pretty much no idea what Shiner Bock is , but my guess is that it's some kind of BBQ sauce made out of Shiner Bock, which I am assuming is a beer. Either way, it was good stuff. There was also cheddar cheese and onion straws along with the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. There were also pickles, but I took them off and ate them separately. No pickles on my burgers!!

That was a good burger. Maybe it's because there weren't many people there, but I actually got it cooked the way I ordered it! That is a fantastic thing these days. They also have pretty good fries at Chili's. It's weird going there and not ordering a fajita though.

After that, we went back, adventured out to the church for rehearsal, and then went to a semi-fancy restaurant for dinner. As fancy as the place was, they are poor counters. Matt had told them between 35-40 people, so they set up seating for 30. Last I knew, 30 was actually a smaller number than either end of Matt's range. Eventually they got their act together and fed me a tasty steak, also cooked medium rare. Two properly cooked meats in one day? Stupendous!!

-Jon

The Luau Burger

In the quest for delicious burgers, sometimes we have to get a little wacky. At James and Nicole's luau, the menu started off with some skewers of bacon-wrapped chicken, mushrooms and pineapples before James started putting the burgers and hot dogs on the grill. Since there were some leftover skewers when it was time for the burgers, I thought that it might be a neat idea to put the stuff from one of the skewers on top of the burger.

Was it good? Good enough to do twice, so yes.

Obviously bacon goes great with burgers, and mushrooms as well. Chicken was a little suspicious, but it turned out pretty well. This bodes well for the Barnyard Burger that I will eventually develop. I was skeptical of the pineapple, but it was actually a nice addition. Maybe I'll have to try that pineapple burger at Red Robin, if I ever go back.

The rest of the party was also a good time. You can pretty much guarantee that if you have a keg of Sam Summer at your party, it's going to be a good one.

-Jon

Puppy Pool Acquired!

Wait. You don't know about the extensive search for a puppy pool? You are slacking. These blogs are required reading for anyone who has any sort of interaction with me. Well, the story has a happy ending in that I got one at Christmas Tree Shops (which was suspiciously lacking in actual trees). Odin will be rocking out in style next time he comes to pug camp.

The trip to Christmas Tree Shops was preceded by a trip to Northampton for lunch with Kathryn at the Northampton Brewery. I was seriously considering ordering a non-burger meal, but then I thought that would be irresponsible, so I ended up going with the Blackened Blue Burger, mostly because its name was alliterative. If something has a funny name or an alliterative name, I am almost helpless to resist it. This is why I was so upset when Whistling Pig was actually not available, contrary to previously posted information. You can't tell me about something with such an awesome name and then make it unavailable. Man, that's just mean.

The Blackened Blue Burger was a giant monster with cajun spices, blue cheese and caramelized onions along with the standard lettuce, tomato and onion. It also came with a delightful pickle and some good French fries, made even better by the Tabasco ketchup I used. Actually, I used way too much Tabasco, so the fries were incredibly hot. The burger itself was really good, and actually cooked medium rare. I know, I was shocked too. The blue cheese was great, but I wish there had been a little more. Some of mine escaped due to faulty burger holding, but there still wasn't enough. More cheese is always a good thing.

Kathryn had ordered a couple of pretzels with some kind of beer cheese sauce for dipping. The pretzels were the saltiest things I ever ate, but if you scraped off some of the extra salt and dipped them in the sauce, they were fantastic. I don't know which kind of cheese it was, but it tasted kind of like a cheddar. You should go there and get the recipe so that I can make it at home. It will be delicious! I'll even invite you over when I'm making it.

I also tried 2 of their beers. You can't go to a brewery/restaurant and not try what they've got going on tap. Unless you're Dave, in which case you'd probably still order a Bud Light. I had a Weizenheimer, which was a wheat beer that tasted a little summery, and a Northampton Pale Ale, which tasted like a pale ale. The Weizenheimer was great, and the NPA was ok. Pale ales are always a mystery going in, and this one was right in the middle for deliciousness.

Now I've got a big afternoon ahead of me of making ribs. This could end up messy.

-Jon

Two Down, 48 To Go

This weekend was the Vermont Brewers Festival, which was like the Brattleboro Brewers Festival on steroids. More tents, more beers, more people, more sessions, more everything! You can read about it here.

The most important thing about the Brewers Festival is that it is held in Burlington, which just happens to be the home of Vermont's best cheeseburger! It's called the Scibek Sizzler, but it may also be called the Scibec Sizzler. More on that later.

Vermont's best burger can be found at a place called The Shopping Bag. Much like its name would suggest, this place is a convenience store. As soon as we walked inside, I thought we had made a mistake. This place does not look like a burger place at all. I also thought that I was about to get beaten severely by the people I was with, because I had just made them walk a mile (half of it uphill) to get to this place. Seriously, take a look.

This does not look like the place that you're going to find the best cheeseburger in the state. Or really even find a cheeseburger period. Luckily, we saw this sign. It made me think we might be in the right place. You can also see the name difficulties that I'm having. Food Network uses the "k" and the sign uses the "c." What the hell!?

Either way, we ordered some up. James and I got the real deal minus the mayo because mayo is gross and no matter what Kathryn says, it still counts as the best burger without mayo. If Kathryn keeps up her mayo attitude, she's going to find herself sleeping in a dumpster. Kathryn got the mini-Sizzler, which is actually the size of a normal cheeseburger. Dianna and other Jon split a normal Sizzler, meaning that James and I are the burger champs. Check these things out! And yes, I asked Big Al if I could document the burger process before I started randomly taking pictures in the store.

We've got freshly ground beef, some Montreal steak seasoning, 2 kinds of cheeses (looked like American and Provolone from my perspective), bacon, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard. As I just said, mayo was also an option, but if you're going to be putting mayo on your burgers, we're not going to be talking. Seriously, go away. The final product was enormous. I don't think the next picture does justice to the sheer size of this burger.

What you really need is a picture of me trying to eat it. Then you can see just how large it is. I look like a boa constrictor.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I dislocated my jaw eating this burger. And it was fantastic. I don't have a lot of burger experience in Vermont, but this seems like a reasonable choice for the state's best. And it costs $5.39. You can't beat that. Next time you're in Burlington, head over to North St. (not North Ave, as apparently the people who named the streets in Ludlow also had a hand in street naming up in Vermont) and get yourself one of these beasts.

-Jon

Get Right Back on the Horse

You'd think that getting sick would stop me from grabbing another burger for lunch immediately the next day. You'd be wrong. I think this falls into the category of "if at first you don't succeed, try again." I needed to have a good burger this weekend to undo the mental effects of that Red Robin debacle.

We were going to Boston for Matt's bachelor party, so I took the responsibility for picking a place since no one else knew too many places in the city. We were staying right by the Garden, so I figured people would enjoy The Fours, the place that Kathryn and I went to on Easter. It's got good food and lots of different beers, so you can't really go wrong. I decided to get a little silly, so I got a Guinness and made my own burger. Not literally, because it would be weird if they just let random people into the kitchen, but in the sense that I picked my own toppings instead of getting a predetermined meal. I went with bacon, American cheese and avocado in addition to the standard lettuce and tomato. They had a lot more options, including chili (which I almost did just for the experience), but I decided not to overdo it. After all, we were going to be doing a lot of beer drinking in the coming hours, so I needed the stomach space.

That burger was delightful! It was cooked right, the avocado went nicely with the bacon, and there wasn't too much lettuce. The fries were also good, and we got the buffalo chicken nachos which were awesome again. All around it was a good time.

After that, things started to get silly.

We went from The Fours to Boston Beer Works right down the street to kick off our pub crawl. That's a nice little place. I tried something called "Tell-Tale Lager," which was good. I'd drink it again. They had the Uruguay-Germany match on TV, so people were getting all into that. We decided to participate as well, and just yelled really loudly every time anyone else yelled. It was a good time.

Next up was this tiny place called the Corner Cafe in the Italian district. It was about the size of my kitchen. Steve struggled with the claw machine (which ended up eating his coins without offering him a chance at a crappy prize), we lost on all our scratch tickets, and then we played Keno for a while. Not the real Keno, but the fake one that Dave played in college. It's a lot more fun, and involves a lot more yelling at the Keno TV. It turns out that yesterday was Steve G's lucky day, because his number 6 came up in probably 10 games in a row. We used that to our advantage to win $100 playing actual Keno, and walked out of there with beer money.

On the way back, we grabbed a 24-pack for the hotel room, which would quickly become a 23-pack due to gravity. Steve decided he was lazy, so he carried the beers for a little and then dumped them off on Dave. He did not warn Dave that the handle on the box was not exactly intact. Shortly after that, the handle ripped off completely and the beers went everywhere on the sidewalk. Sadly, one of them exploded on impact, leaving us with one less beer and one more story.

We ran mostly through that box o' beer and got pretty for the night out. After walking the wrong way to Park St (since me saying several times "we need to be on the other side of this building and you guys are going the wrong way" wasn't enough to get them to turn around), we ended up deciding to hit Faneuil Hall for a meal at Dick's Last Resort. That was an experience. Steve had been there before, and possible a few of the other guys, but it was new to me. The main thing there is that the employees treat all the customers like crap, and also make embarrassing hats for them. They also serve 40 oz Bud Lights, so that's a win. My ribs were cooked to rib perfection (the first bone came out clean with almost no effort, which is what is supposed to happen), and the buffalo wings were spicy enough without being weird tasting. I'd go back.

We finished off the night at Ned Devine's, which may be the longest bar/club I've ever seen. You could just keep walking and walking. It was also incredibly crowded, which made it a good thing that we had been drinking all day. I can't handle those kind of places without being properly lubricated.

All in all, it was a good night. And it probably was an indicator of future wackiness that will happen at the wedding.

-Jon

This Story Will Be Gross

Don't complain later, as I have pre-warned you here.

Originally we were supposed to go out to dinner for Mom's birthday to a nice place, but then they decided they were going to be on vacation and ruin the whole plan. Undeterred, Chuck suggested that we go out to Red Robin instead, because who really wants to cook when it's 90+ outside. You know me: if a burger is possible, I am obligated to go for it. This will turn out to be a mistake.

I went with the Five-Alarm Burger. Pepperjack cheese, peppers, jalapeños, etc. It was supposed to be very spicy. It was not. I would give it two alarms max. I also feel like I have written this before, but I couldn't find it quickly and didn't feel like putting the effort in to really look. I guess some of that Mmmm, Opinions laziness in research has made it over to this site. It really was inevitable. The burger itself was pretty good, and they cooked it right, so I can't really complain. Red Robin also does a good job on their fries, which is a major plus. I tried them with a little of the Red Robin seasoning in the ketchup, and it was a nice change of pace. That seasoning claims to have 20 different flavors in it. Some of them have got to be repeats.

After dinner, I went down to Home Goods with Mom and Chuck and picked up some mixing bowls that I desperately needed along with a few extra pillows for Kathryn the Pillow Queen. Then we went home, drank a couple beers and played cards. So far everything is great.

Fast forward to tomorrow morning. It couldn't have been the meat, because I don't think this happened to everyone, but something on my burger was past its freshness date. The Five-Alarm Burger looks a lot better going in than it does coming back out in a semi-digested state. You can still taste the jalapeños though! This is one of those times that I am really glad we have a garbage disposal. I am also really glad that I remembered that the disposal is in the right-hand sink. That could have been a disaster.

I may have just lost a couple readers.

-Jon

Blame It On Jet Lag

I should probably warn you that this entire post may be incredibly rambling and incoherent. I'm pretty sleepy, and it's really hot out which isn't helping things. I'm also watching the Red Sox, so at most only 50% of my attention is focused on what I'm writing. Sometimes I am not even looking at the computer screen or keyboard while I type. That could result in some interesting typos.

My options for dinner tonight were: Frosted Mini-Wheats (Cinnamon Strudel or Blueberry Muffin), going to get take-out (probably not going to happen, due to my current lack of motivation to do anything) or burgers at Mom and Chuck's. Since you're reading this, you can probably guess that I went with option 3. It was a compromise between not having to get myself dinner and having to leave the air-conditioning in my living room.

I'm going to cut this thing short. Two burgers, American cheese, tomato, red onion, some baked beans, some pasta salad and a pair of Summer Ales. It was a good time. Hopefully the next time I eat burgers it will be a more manageable temperature and I will be able to think a bit more clearly. Or maybe not. If I could tell the future, do you really think I'd be spending my time writing so terribly?

-Jon

Back From France

You may have noticed a conspicuous lack of cheeseburgers being eaten in the past couple weeks. This is due to the fact that I was in France, and the cheeseburgers in France are a sin against nature. France does a lot of things well. Croissants? Check. Wine? Double check. Cheese? Check. Getting eliminated from the World Cup in fairly hilarious manners? Check. But burgers are just not on the list. I learned that lesson the hard way back in 2008, so there was no chance that I would be eating them until my triumphant return to the USA.

Thankfully, even though it's Independence Day, RF O'Sullivan's was open! Blackjack burger, here I come!!

Yeah, that's what burger eating is all about. Blackened burger, blackjack sauce, tomato and raw onions. Burger eating doesn't get better than that in Massachusetts, Food Network be damned. I'm not sure if you can tell, but I have 5 fries there. Yes, five. That actually added up to be more than one potato. These weren't even fries now that I think about it. They were enormous potato wedges with a hint of fried outside. And they were served at the temperature of molten lava. You would think that I would have learned by now that the fries are always served somewhere between molten lava hot and surface of the sun hot, but I just don't. I am pretty sure that you could take them home and heat your house for the weekend.

The burger was as delicious as I remember it. Nice and rare, a little spicy, and the size of my head. Can't beat it.

Alex also had the Blackjack, Kathryn tried the Creamy Blue Cheese Burger (that one looked pretty good AND had bacon, so I may have to try it), Erica had the Black & Blue Burger (been there, done that), Catherine had the JD Burger (highly recommended by Alex, but he can't rank it above the Blackjack) and Martanda had the Honey Bee Burger (never had it, but it's got a funny name). There is also a decent chance that I misspelled Martanda's name. Sorry dude! However, in burger terms, everyone wins!

Also, that Newcastle was a lot better than the one I got last time. Maybe they ordered new ones. Plus it's much bigger than your standard Newcastle, which is nice. I think I might have to go buy some beer today, as France is also not known for their beer production and I've been drinking wine for the last 10 days.

PS - Alex may tell you that I was messed up on Dramamine and decided to sing all the not-so-straight songs that came on the radio on the way home from the airport, like the Cranberries and Bryan Adams and Kelly Clarkson. This is a lie. It was Michael Bolton, not Bryan Adams.

-Jon